


Am I Not to Know By My Name

by nubianamy



Series: Inoa ʻohana (Family Name) [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Bad Puns, Bartenders, Bisexual Mary McGarrett, Canon Compliant, Danno forgets nouns when he is stressed, Danno likes cake donuts, Danno whines about dealing with his feelings, Developing Friendships, Dom/sub Undertones, Donutverse (Glee), Family Drama, Family Secrets, Friends to Lovers, Innuendo, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Order of Cassius, POV Original Character, Polyamory, Pre-Canon, Season/Series 01, Soulmates, Trans Female Character, Trust Issues, whiskey makes Danno honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 65,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25851925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nubianamy/pseuds/nubianamy
Summary: Detective Danny Williams, newly transferred to the Hawaii police department from Newark, is struggling to find his place on the island and to resolve past relationships. When he stumbles into a local bar, he discovers more than he bargained for, including a bartender-therapist, an international syndicate of kleptocratic oligarchs, and a family of vigilante crime fighters.
Relationships: Adam "Toast" Charles/Danny "Danno" Williams, Dave Collins/Dave Collins' wife/Rachel Edwards/Danny "Danno" Williams, Rachel Edwards/Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Inoa ʻohana (Family Name) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885840
Comments: 81
Kudos: 28
Collections: H50 Big Bang 2020





	1. Pokiki

**Author's Note:**

> The story begins six months before season 1 and continues through season 1 and the first episode of season 2. 
> 
> This story maintains canon integrity and relies heavily on canon occurrences, but twists canon interpretation so badly it might garnish a cocktail. 
> 
> Each chapter contains references to events in season 1; these are noted at the end of each chapter for those of you (like me) who appreciate being able to watch each episode in the context of the story without cognitive dissonance. 
> 
> The title comes from a song on [the Avett Brothers album I And Love And You](https://open.spotify.com/album/2PPFtYUnnqMYflIEn3b7ON?si=P2jhSZEHT8mbEm701u2UEg). Several songs on this album played a part in soundtracking this story, which is appropriately wistful and also surprising, just like Hawaii. 
> 
> If you like to know where things are, [here’s a Google Map of the places mentioned](https://www.google.com/maps/d/edit?mid=16kYfIj7L7kKQXfc5OYkIM67249sDlklJ&usp=sharing), some of which are canon and some of which were invented for this story. [You can find pictures of characters and a diagram of the bar here](https://imgur.com/a/hMA2lZd).
> 
> The last chapter is a glossary of terms, some of which are Hawaiian or pidgin words and phrases, and some of which are terms and phrases related to the underground resistance described in this story. 
> 
> This is ostensibly a crossover with another universe in which I write, but as there are very few references to that universe and none of it is canon-relevant, I did not mark it as a crossover. The kleptocratic oligarchy described herein (the Order of Cassius) is the creation of myself and other minds, and was developed in 2019 just before the Jeffrey Epstein case broke. We are disturbed how close fiction parallels reality here. 
> 
> The only way I could see managing canon integrity was to make Danny and Steve polyamorous. This is great fun and very satisfying for me, as a polyamorous person, even though it may not be your cup of tea. However, this story does portray Steve and Danny as soulmates. I imagine they both get different things out of being in relationships with others, and will struggle with their relationship as they move in and out of other relationships as the series continues. 
> 
> Also, if you are side-eyeing my Dom/sub tag, be assured it is very, very subtle in this story, and exists only in the context of potential relationship energies. I am taking my cues from the show and do not see Steve or Danny as having any awareness of or desire for a D/s relationship. In addition, it specifically relates to the underground resistance movement described herein. 
> 
> Thanks to ChiaCat for beta-reading, Gaazhagens for comments, co-plotting, and brilliant plot bunnies, and to the whole H50BB Discord group for support, laughs, word sprints, and welcoming me to this fandom. Special thanks to [Ms.Three](https://linktr.ee/ms.three) for beautiful art (see the masterpost [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174443)). 
> 
> There will ~~likely~~ definitely be sequels, following their relationship through future seasons, if only to give me an opportunity to change point of view and write some smut.
> 
> -amy

Ashley looked up from her book when the shopkeeper bell on the screen door rang. She gave the blonde haole an expectant smile. 

“Howzit, brah?”

“Uh… hi. Aloha.” 

She waited as he looked around, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the interior of the bar. He wasn’t tall, but handsome, wearing a crisp button-down shirt and a tie. Even his loafers were polished. 

“Can I get you something to drink? Mai tai or something?”

“Mai tai.” The guy scoffed quietly. “You got a beer? Like, a regular beer?”

She grinned at him. “Sure, we got regular beer. How about a Longboard?”

“Sounds like a froufrou island drink.” He took the bottle she handed him and considered it. “Lager, huh? I like a good lager.”

“I won’t lie. It’s only okay. You want something else, you tell me.”

“No, no, this looks good.” He handed it back to her, and she opened the bottle before offering him a glass. He shook his head. “Bottle’s fine.” 

Ashley passed a menu across the bar toward him. “Let me know if I can get you something to eat. We got bean soup, Portuguese sausages. Malasadas were fresh this morning from the bakery at the end of the block.” 

“Malawhat?”

She shook her head. “You’re _really_ new to the island, huh? Fry bread with sugar and filling.” 

“You mean a jelly donut.” 

“Sure, if you want to be a dick about it.” 

Both eyebrows went up, and the haole chuckled. “All right, lady, I don’t know who ever told you that insulting your customers is a good way to get them to patronize your establishment, but you might want to rethink that marketing strategy.”

Ashley spread her arms to indicate the empty bar. “You can see how hard I’m trying to attract customers.”

He sighed, seating himself at the bar. “Yeah, that… that’s pretty clear.” Then he held out a hand. “I’m Danny.” 

“Ashley,” she said. “So you want a malasada or what?”

“I’m a little picky about my donuts.” He set the beer down. “Maybe I’d like to try some of those sausages, though.” 

As Ashley went into the kitchen and spooned up a plate of Vovó’s rice and poi, she heard the shopkeeper bell jingle again. A moment later, Jack appeared beside her, dropping the mail on the counter. 

“Who’s the haole?” 

“Customer. You know, they order drinks, we serve them?” 

He wasn’t smiling. “Get rid of him.”

“He’s harmless.” 

“He’s HPD, Ash. Get rid of him.”

She glared at him as she set Danny’s lunch on a tray. “Or else what? You really think he’s here to bust us? For what? You really need to get a hobby. How about you focus on fixing that dishwasher, and let me handle the bar?”

He glared back, but at least he stopped talking. She brought the tray out to the haole with a smile, setting it on the bar beside his beer as Jack stalked out the door. 

“How about another Longboard to go with that?”

“One beer’s my limit. I’m working tomorrow.” Danny raised eyebrows at the jingling bell. “He got a problem? I haven’t seen a face that sour since my kid tried eating a lemon.”

“Jack doesn’t like cops.” She shrugged. “He’s my brother. Forget him. You have a kid?”

“Part time.” He didn’t look happy about this fact. “She’s here in Hawaii, so _I’m_ here in Hawaii. Not really my choice. But, hey, being a cop in Newark or a cop in Hawaii, the job’s about the same.” 

“You catch any bad guys?”

“I’m guessing you learned everything you know about being a cop from TV. As a matter of fact, I will have you know I caught a good guy who did bad things this morning.” She watched his expression dissolve into pleasure as he took a bite of the Portuguese sausage. “Holy mother of god, what am I eating?”

“Good, huh? My Vovó makes it. She’s the best cook.” 

“I think I will never eat anything else again.” He chewed in obvious bliss. “Mmmm.” 

“What do you mean, a good guy who did bad things?”

He gave her a curious smile. “You really have nothing better to do than to sit around and ask me questions about my sorry little life?”

“That’s the official job of bartenders, don’t you know? Seriously, brah, you’re doing me a favor. This place is dead until about seven-thirty.”

“Well…” He took another bite. “This guy, Toast, he’d been hired by some actual bad guys to break codes for them, but it was pretty clear he wasn’t a bad guy himself? Smart, scholarship to MIT, the whole nine yards. He pled guilty, I got the judge to give him six months probation, and he agreed to consult for the department on matters of technical interest.” 

“Toast?”

He grinned. “Guy is baked most of the time, but it sure as hell doesn’t slow him down. Calls me Jersey.” 

Ashley gave him a look. “You’re a cop and you don’t care that he’s smoking pakalolo?”

“Smoking what?”

“Finest weed, brah. Last I checked that was still illegal.”

“Illegal, sure, but really, not my business unless I find out he’s making trouble for anybody. There’s a hell of a lot of bad people out there, Ashley. Even the most judgmental cops won’t waste their time on low-level crime like that.” He gestured significantly with his fork. “I’m just glad he didn’t get hurt. Guy like that getting mixed up with a bunch of low-lifes…” 

“Guy like what?”

“Never mind.” He scraped up the last bit of rice from his plate and took out his wallet. “Hey, thanks for the sausages. This is just down the block from my apartment. I will definitely be back. You tell your—what, your grandmother?—I appreciate finding something pleasant on this god-forsaken island.” 

Ashley slid his bills in the cash register and handed him the change. “E mālama pono, Danny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toast first appears in H50 in episode 1x02 Ohana.
> 
> Ashley Zizes is played in this fic by [Korean actress Lee Kyung-eun](https://imgur.com/BDSQLwq), most commonly known by her stage name Harisu.


	2. Complicated

She hadn’t really expected to see the haole back at Pokiki, but he stopped in less than a week later, same time, three-thirty. This time he was talking to somebody on the phone. Judging by the tender expression on his face, it was somebody he cared about. Ashley kept her face turned toward her book and watched him out of the corner of her eye. 

“…have Grace call tomorrow. Yeah, as soon as she comes in, after lunch. What would that be, middle of the night there? No, I’m kidding. I know it’s only six hours difference. We’ll call. And please, tell Emily happy birthday from Danno.” He paused. “Probably best I don’t, huh? Yeah, okay. You too.” 

He wasn’t smiling anymore as he slid his phone into his shirt pocket, but it only took him a moment to put on a friendly face. Ashley wouldn’t have noticed a difference if she hadn’t caught his wistful sigh. She had to laugh to herself.  _ Haole’s got layers. Who would have thought. _

“Well, if it isn’t Danny the cop,” she said, standing up. “Here for some more of my Vovó’s sausages?” 

“Good guess.” He sat in the same place he’d sat before, well-positioned to see both exits. “Ashley, right? Tell me something, is air conditioning just not a thing in Hawaii?”

“Not unless you’re trying to cater to tourists. It’s cooler inside than outside, right? You can cool off by buying a beer.”

He perked up as he accepted the Longboard along with his sausages, but his attention was clearly elsewhere. She let him eat in silence for a few minutes.

“That your ex on the phone?”

He blinked at her, and stammered, “Kind of? I mean… back at home, in Jersey. It’s their kid’s birthday tomorrow. Emily’s turning eleven, and my kid, Grace, she’s only seven.” He let out a measured breath. “She misses her. All of them.” 

“I bet.” Ashley had to wonder about the pronoun game Danny was playing. It wasn’t in her nature to be subtle, but really, this guy did not exactly twig her gaydar. “I can tell you miss them, too.” 

“Yeah.” He grimaced. “Jersey feels like a long way away sometimes.” 

She waited another couple minutes before deciding it was pointless not to ask. “I’m a little confused. You said you’re here because your kid’s here. That’s going to make me guess her mom’s here too.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, her jerk of a husband’s in real estate.” 

“So who’s the guy with the kids in JerseyWest?”

Danny squinted at her. “Wait, who said there’s a guy?”

“Are you telling me there’s not?” She crossed her arms. “And I’m not even a detective.” 

He actually glanced at the door and dropped his voice. “Look, it’s complicated. And why do you care, anyway?”

Ashley gave him a remnant of her teenager  _ duh _ look. “You did see the rainbow flag in the window, didn’t you? Trust me, it’s not because Jack wanted to hang it there.” 

She let him stew a little while he finished his beer and she wiped the already-clean counter, but it didn’t take long. Clearly, he needed somebody to talk to. 

“I feel like I could get arrested talking to you.” He peered at her. “What are you, like, twelve?”

“I’m twenty-six,” Ashley said patiently. “What are you, like, fifty?”

“Might as well be. Okay.” He sighed. “I think I need another beer for this one.” 

“Come on, Danny, who am I going to tell?” 

She popped the cap off and slid it over, and he took a long pull before setting it back down. It was almost comical the way he was psyching himself up for the big reveal. 

“So, back in Jersey, my wife and me, we, uh… things weren’t going so good for us. In the, you know, marital department.” He looked pained, but it was clear this wasn’t the time to tease him about his sex life. “She wasn’t getting what she needed, I wasn’t getting what I needed, it was bad. Our therapist told us to get creative.” 

“Creative.”

“Yeah, don’t give me that look. Come on, look at me, you can guess how creative I am about stuff like that. Suffice it to say it didn’t go so well. So after a couple more months of it not going so well, we went on a date. With another couple.”

She raised both eyebrows. “Oh. So when you said  _ them—” _

“Jenny and Dave. Collins. Back then Emily was just a baby.” 

“You were swingers?”

He made a face. “No! I mean… I guess, technically. But we never went to any of those skeevy hookup parties. It was, you know, we traded: me and Jenny, Dave and Rachel, everything was cool, it made things a little more fun, everybody got what they wanted.”

She eyed his downcast expression. “Apparently not.” 

“Yeah,” he muttered, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “That was a long time ago. Ten years together… a lot of history.” 

“So how did that work, anyway? All of you in one big house?”

Danny shook his head firmly. “No. No, no, no. Two couples, two houses. Dave and Jenny and their kids live at Laurel Forest Circle in Westfield; me and Rachel had a two bedroom in Weehawken. For one thing, I’m a cop, and Dave’s a US Marshall. Both organizations that frown on creative relationship arrangements such as these.”

“I bet.” Ashley set the third Longboard on the bar, but Danny seemed to have hit his stride now, and he wasn’t reaching for it. “You could have gotten fired.” 

He nodded grimly. “Believe me, when my training officer found out… Rick had a lot of words for me. When Jenny had the twins, there was a lot going on: phone calls, hospital visits. It was hard to hide how many people were involved. He threatened to tell my boss.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, I did what I had to do, to protect my—everybody. Rick, he was a dirty cop. I’d been looking the other way, ignoring his takes. No more. I turned him in and testified against him.” He sighed at her impressed look. “Yeah. It sucked, but at least any accusations he tried to make after that went unnoticed.”

She nodded. “That’s fair. Ohana comes first. Anyway, it’s not like you lied, right? He  _ was _ dirty.” 

“Yeah. So then me and Rachel, we had Grace a year later. For a while, things were great, you know? I loved being a dad. Their kids, Emily, Tracy, Wendy, they’re fantastic. And the benefit of being known as the snitch in the department meant none of the other cops tried to tell me their secrets. After that, I was pretty much left alone.” 

Being left alone didn’t sound so good to Ashley, but she wasn’t about to judge his decisions. She offered him the third beer, and he took it. Eventually he surfaced from his memories, looking glum.

“Ten years,” she prompted. He nodded. “So what happened?”

“That part’s not really all that complicated. After Rachel decided what we were doing was no longer working for her, she met Stan, he offered her more than she was getting, she left. End of story.”

Judging by his expression, that was clearly not the end of the story, but she simply nodded, waiting. 

“After Rachel broke up with me, I got my own apartment. Jenny and Dave wanted me to move in with them, but obviously that would have been a bad idea.” He gave her a half-grin. “Hey, I’m a selective housekeeper, otherwise known as a slob. I eat a lot of takeout, and I don’t do more than I have to around the house. Way better for me to have my own space.” 

“Fair,” she agreed. “How was it with the three of you?”

Even with two and a half beers in him, Danny looked nervous. She wondered if he’d ever told anybody else this story.

“It was… more complicated. Without Rachel there, spending more time with Jenny and Dave…” He trailed off. 

“Complicated because of the kids?” she guessed.

“No, the kids were fine. It was normal for them, right? They’d never known anything different. Two parents, three, four, whatever.” 

That almost threw Danny back into his pool of memories, but he managed to stay focused well enough to continue. His voice became hushed.

“There were a few times… okay, more than a few times… we had a couple of drinks, kids were asleep, and the three of us, we all ended up in bed together.” 

Ashley nodded. “Was it awkward?”

“It was and it wasn’t. Because, you know, it was supposed to be me and Jenny. So then it was me and Jenny and Dave, and that became me and Dave and Jenny, if you know what I mean.”

“You and Dave.”

He nodded, his eyes on the bar. “Yeah.” 

“Jenny didn’t like that?” 

“No, no, she was fine with it.” He shrugged, his face flushed. “I think she thought it was hot. I mean, I know she did.” 

“So it was Dave who—?” 

“It was me,” he interrupted. “I didn’t like it.” He took a drink. “I did like it, and I didn’t like that I liked it.” 

“So you took off.” 

Danny sighed. “Not right away. Because, at that point, it was as much for Grace as it was for me, right? I couldn’t take her away from Stan and Jenny, not to mention Emily and Wendy and Tracy. She adored them. I stuck around, but… it got weird. So after Rachel met Stan, they came here, that’s when I asked for a transfer.” 

Ashley sat back on her stool, regarding him. “Can you tell me something?” 

He laughed. “I mean, jeez, I’ve told you every other goddamn secret, what’s one more, right?” 

“Do you think it’s wrong for two guys or two women to be together?” 

Danny looked up at her, his eyebrows drawing down to make a crease in his forehead. “Now, wait a second, let me get one thing straight. Clear. I’m all about the gay rights. You ask me, anybody should be able to be with whoever they want, and screw the courts. It’s nobody else’s business but theirs, right?” 

“Sure, absolutely,” Ashley agreed. “So what’s so wrong about you wanting to be with Dave?” 

He paused, then shook his head slowly. “Well… it’s not so simple as that, is it? I mean, you get me and Dave in a room together, that’s one thing. You get me and Dave and Jenny and all four of our kids and Rachel and Stan and the Newark Police Department and the US Marshall service in a room together… it’s kind of crowded. You know?” 

She had to smile at that. “Yeah. I know.”

Danny let out a long sigh. “So listen to me, running off at the mouth. Some friend I am. How about you? You got a boyfriend?” He paused. “Girlfriend?”

“Not at the moment,” she said. “I’ve dated all kinds of folks. I don’t think I’d rule any of them out.” 

Danny tipped his head, smiling as he toasted her with his Longboard. “Yeah. That’s great. Probably best that way, right?”

* * *

_ I wanna have friends that I can trust  
That love me for the man I've become, not the man I was  
And I wanna have friends that'll let me be  
All alone when being alone is all that I need _

_ \- [The Avett Brothers, “Perfect Space](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE-KqlFt5QI)”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rachel Edwards is [played on H50 by Claire van der Boom](https://imgur.com/KgrcEzQ). 
> 
> Dave Collins is [played on H50 in episode 2x15 by Jon Olson](https://imgur.com/yCj4iGz). This is also the episode which mentions Laurel Forest Circle, where Dave and his wife Jenny live with their three kids, and which introduces Danny’s training officer Rick.
> 
> [Here Rachel is with Jenny](https://imgur.com/MLc9ecY), Dave’s wife. She was mentioned but not cast on the show; in this fic, she is [played by Rose Byrne](https://imgur.com/7FiY1Xu).


	3. Tie

Danny looked like he might be about to fall asleep on his feet when he wandered in at three-thirty in the afternoon. Ashley set the sausages she had waiting for him on the bar, and he sank into his stool with a long sigh.

“Today was not my day,” he warned her, picking up his fork. “Six hours of catching up on police reports and I am about to come out of my gourd. I’ll try not to take it out on you.” 

“You need a distraction, brah.” She handed him a beer. “Come on. You’ve been here a month and a half; tell me you have other things in your life besides work. What’s your stress reliever? You surf?”

He let out a tired laugh. “No. Before you ask, I don’t swim either. Or ride boats.”

“How about your kid, Grace? You get to see her every week, right?” 

Now his smile looked more relaxed. “Yeah, she’s my little monkey. I get her most weekends. She’s the best. And I know everybody says that about their kid, but she really is.” 

Ashley nodded. “I bet you’re the doting kind of dad.” 

“Putty in her hands,” he said distinctly. “I mean, come on, isn’t every dad like that about his daughter? You should know.” 

She tried to make the laugh come out sounding natural, but it was obvious from the look on his face that she’d failed. Danny straightened up on his stool, watching her with concern.

“I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me.” He cleared his throat. “You, uh, you and your dad, you don’t get along so well?”

“Not so well, no.” She glanced around the bar. “This is his place; at least he trusts me well enough to run it, but… he’s not thrilled to have a kid like me.” 

He nodded. “What, is he, like, homophobic or something?”

“Something.” She met his eyes briefly, and smiled before looking at the floor, trying to shake the sudden adrenaline rush. 

“Hey,” he said softly. “You don’t have to talk about it.” 

Ashley seated herself on the stool behind the bar. All of Danny’s attention was on her now, his own problems apparently forgotten. 

“Ashley?” 

She began hesitantly. “I—when I was a little kid, my parents expected me to be… a certain way.” 

“What kind of way?”

“Well, they’re kind of traditional.”

“Don’t tell me they thought you should be into babies and clothes and makeup instead of, I don’t know, surfing and sailing?”

“Well, I do like surfing and sailing too. But no, they definitely didn’t like the clothes and makeup. Really, they would have appreciated it if I’d worn a tie.” She watched the confused expression persist on Danny’s face, and sighed. “They thought I was a boy.” 

“They thought you were a—” His expression cleared, and he looked first embarrassed, then even more confused. “But you don’t look anything like a boy.” 

“Not anymore,” she agreed. 

She let the silence stretch out for a while. She’d had this conversation enough times now with enough people to know it was better to let them dig their own holes.

“So… you were a boy, and now you’re a girl,” he said.

“No, I never was a boy. They thought I was when I was born, and I didn’t tell them the truth until I was ten.” 

He was staring now. “And all that time, you  _ knew _ you weren’t a boy?”

“You’ve always known you were a boy,” she countered. He thought about that.

“Fair enough,” he said, shrugging. “So your parents didn’t believe you. Why do I think that didn’t go well?”

“It’s still not, really.” The wave of relief she felt at his acceptance was palpable. Not that she would have expected anything less from Danny. “But it’s been sixteen years. At least now they’ve mostly stopped calling me by the wrong name. My Vovó is my biggest advocate. I think without her I would have moved away.” 

“Creative storytelling, that’s the answer.” He took another bite of sausage and pointed his fork at her. “What your family doesn’t know can’t hurt them.” 

“Well… that’s tricky. I don’t mind lying to malihini, but—”

“Excuse me, to whom?”

“Strangers. Outsiders. Opposite of kama’aina: locals, Hawaiians. What I mean is, my whole family, we’re pretty tight. Family business, and so on. It would be hard to try to keep things from them.”

“Huh. Yeah.” Danny thought for a moment. “That’s what Toast called me, when I advocated with the judge for his release. Malihini. Is that a bad thing?”

She shook her head. “Just a different set of expectations. Don’t worry; you’re definitely not going to be mistaken for kama’aina, not with that tie on.” 

“Hey.” He looked offended, but she knew better. “You don’t think I’d stick out like a sore thumb, trying to dress like a local?” 

“Dress how you like,” she said, shrugging. “You look fine. It just depends on what you’re going for. You want to meet somebody, you might want to go a little more casual.” 

He squinted at her. “Who says I’m trying to meet somebody?”

“Danny,” she sighed, and he flushed, muttering to himself. “I’m not saying go looking for true love, but… come on, live a little. This island’s full of hot guys.” 

Now he looked positively alarmed. “Who says I’m looking for a—”

_ “Danny.” _

“Fine. Fine! I got it, just…” He held up both hands. “Give me a break. This is all new for me. Can you just let me do things at my own pace, my own way?”

“If I let you do it your way, you’re going to spend the next month alone in your apartment, eating takeout and watching television.” She gave him a look. “Am I wrong?”

“Jesus.” He was scarlet now. She relented, nudging his knuckles with her own.

“I’ll make you a deal: you find yourself a distraction, something that’s just for you, and sausages are on the house.” 

He raised both eyebrows. “Is that a bet?”

“Just an incentive.” She busied herself polishing glassware. “There’s a gay bar just around the corner.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He looked absolutely mortified. “I may have walked by it six or seven hundred times. I’ll tell you, some of those guys looked young enough to be my kid. Not sexy. Also? Gay bars and cops do not mix.”

“Hm. Good point.” 

Danny paused, his rant cut short by her admission. He gestured toward himself. “I think my wit and charm and dazzling good looks will have to be enough to help me find somebody. I’m not completely without strategies, I’ll have you know.” 

“Sure,” she said easily. “You go get ‘em, tiger. Just go easy on the wit and charm. And maybe ditch the tie.” 


	4. Distraction

The next time he walked in, Danny was wearing a t-shirt. Not even just a regular t-shirt, but a tight one that showed off his arms. Ashley let out a loud wolf whistle.

“See, I knew you were going to make a big deal about this.” He didn’t even look a little bothered. He leaned over the bar to give her a hug. 

“How’s it feel?”

“Cooler,” he admitted. 

“So don’t tell me this is just because I suggested it.” She looked at him until his vague expression dissolved into irritated embarrassment. She clapped her hands. “You met somebody?”

“Is this part of the deal, huh? You’re going to make me talk about it, or I don’t get the free sausages?” He watched her response with clear bemusement. “I can’t just tell you I found a distraction and be done with it?”

“Oh, no. You definitely have to tell.” She beckoned him closer. “Come on. Details.”

“Well, I will have you know that I went on an actual date. With an actual person. Who happened to be of the female persuasion.” 

Ashley groaned. “Danny, come on. Really?”

“Hey, it was a good date!” he insisted. “We had a really nice time. And she’s beautiful, believe me. Legs for days. We’re going out again tonight. Hence the shirt.” 

“I can’t believe this.” She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “You really think you’re going to get what you want from a  _ girl?” _

“I should say  _ woman, _ because it’s more appropriate for old guys like me.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Really? You of all people are telling me, regardless of what we have established about what I like, that I can’t still  _ also _ like women?”

“I’m saying you  _ could,” _ Ashley said, “but you  _ don’t. _ I don’t mean as friends, or even as girlfriends. I’m talking about sex. You’ve done this more than once, Danny. You meet a girl—okay, a woman—you go out, you think you’re doing it because it’s what you want, but it’s not. And then you think it didn’t work because she’s the wrong woman.”

He looked at her like she was speaking a different language. “You think you know what I want better than I do?”

“I’m saying you still think that dating women would be an equally satisfying choice for you. That it’s going to end up being easier because society says it’s what you should be doing. And, okay, maybe it actually is easier. But you’ve been sitting here at this bar for a month and a half, telling me about Dave and Jenny and Rachel, and it’s pretty clear what you want.” 

Now Danny looked nothing short of pissed. “You know what? I don’t need you, or anybody else telling me what I should have, okay? It’s my choice who I date. And I  _ like _ women, you got that? I like the way they look, and the way they feel, and how they laugh, and—and now you’re laughing. Why are you laughing?” He glared at her. “What, you think this is funny?”

“Hilarious,” she assured him, getting control of herself. “All right. Go on your date. Then come back and tell me exactly how much fun you had in bed with her.” 

He let out an outraged noise, and she smiled expectantly.

“What, do you want your sausages first?”

Danny didn’t say one more word; he just threw his hands up, turned around, and walked out. 

* * *

She didn’t see Danny for almost three weeks after that. It was long enough for Ashley to worry about him—cops didn’t exactly have easy jobs—but not quite long enough for her to risk inquiring about him at the HPD. 

Even so, when he walked through the door that afternoon, she couldn’t help but feel relieved. He looked like himself, with maybe a little less attitude than usual. It was later than usual, too, closer to six. He was still wearing a t-shirt.

“Hi.” He came over to the bar and touched the spot where he usually sat. “Am I still welcome here?”

“Of course,” she said, smiling, and he smiled back. “I’m sorry I got so pushy. I’m kind of a pain in the ass.”

“You, uh, you kind of are,” he agreed. “But you might also have had a point.”

It was more of an admission than she’d expected to hear from him. She just nodded. “You hungry?”

“No, I’m—I’m meeting someone. There might be food, I don’t know.” 

“That woman you were seeing?”

“No. That didn’t work out.” He eyed her. “You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

She gazed back levelly. “It’s hard to admit stuff about yourself sometimes. Especially if you’ve been hiding it from everybody your whole life. Hiding it from yourself.” 

“Yeah.” The word was barely audible. 

Ashley moved in closer and took his hands. They were steady, but it took him a couple tries to say anything else.

“May 18, 1996. I was a junior in college, still living with my parents. Accounting and Financial Management was kicking my ass, so… well, that’s what I told myself, anyway.” He closed his eyes. “God, I haven’t thought about this in years.” 

“But you still remember the date.” 

“I’m good with numbers. There was a guy in my class, we had a study group. Study group of two. I’d come to his dorm, we’d… study.” 

“Study.” 

His eyes were still closed, but he smiled. “At first. Semester ended, we passed with flying colors, he threw a party.”

“Party for two?”

Danny nodded. “With enough alcohol for ten. I got so shit-faced drunk that I threw up in the bushes the next morning. That’s the last time I puked. Never drank so much before or since, but… everything we did before that was consensual.”

“Let me guess. You never talked to him again.”

He laughed, a bleak sound. “Worse. I led him on all summer before never talking to him again. This is what I do, okay? I did it to him, and I did it to Dave…” He sighed, his whole body deflating. “I really don’t want to do it to anybody else, including this guy.”

“So you won’t,” she said. “You think you might, come back here, I’ll talk you down.” 

He cocked his head at her, grinning. “What are you, my wingman? Wing-girl?” 

“Partner in crime?” she suggested. 

“Oh, we’re doing crimes now?” 

She let his hands go. “So how’d you meet this guy?” He rolled his eyes. “Come on, was it your wit? Your charm? Your dazzling—”

“It’s Adam Charles,” he said. “The guy I put a good word in with the judge, two months ago.”

She cracked up. “The codebreaker?  _ Toast?” _

“Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want,” he said, waving her off. 

“If he likes the pakalolo as much as you said, you better bring him some snacks.” She laughed harder as he pushed off from the bar. “What? I’m just saying. Seriously, though… have a good time. Enjoy your distraction. Be safe.”

“You don’t think you’re jumping ahead a little?” Danny’s cheeks were pink, but he was smiling. “Hey. Thanks. I never really had anybody I could talk about this stuff with before. Maybe I should find myself a therapist.”

“Yeah, you should. Doesn’t mean you can’t still talk to me. You’re my best customer.”

“I think I’m your only customer,” he said. “Hey, I gotta get going. Thanks again.”

Ashley followed him to the door. As soon as he was out of sight, she locked it behind him and turned the sign to  _ Sorry, We’re Closed _ . Then she turned around to face Jack and her father, emerging from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “He needed a friend.”

Jack smirked. “A boyfriend, maybe. You think you qualify?” 

“Children.” Her father’s voice was sharp, and they both straightened up. “That’s enough playtime. Let’s focus on the real business at hand. We’re going to be late meeting with Mokoto.” 

On the way out the back door to her father’s car, he took her arm. She seldom found herself so close to her father, but she made herself look into his stern eyes.

“Your brother tells me this policeman is distracting you from your tasks,” he said quietly. “Is that true?”

“No, sir. He’s harmless. I promise. He won’t get in the way.” 

He nodded. “Because if this little charade of a bar is interfering with what you’re really supposed to be doing—”

“No,” she interrupted, then blanched at his frown. “No, sir. It’s not. It’s still the simplest front. Closing it now would only draw attention. There’s no need to deviate from the plan.” 

He left it at that, but Ashley knew it wasn’t the end of the matter. She wondered what Detective Williams would do if he returned to Pokiki and found it boarded up. Would he investigate, or blame it on the economy? She wasn’t sure which option would be worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adam “Toast” Charles is [played on H50 by Martin Starr](https://imgur.com/X0cVnPh).
> 
> Danny names May 18, 1996 as the last time he puked in episode 1x11 Palekaiko. 
> 
> Mokoto is first mentioned in episode 2x01 Ka Hakaka Maika'i.


	5. Soup

Danny came in less frequently over the next couple of weeks, which Ashley counted as a win. She could tell he was more relaxed, but he was also talking to her less, and it was hard to tell why.

She saw her point of access when she heard Danny say into his phone, “Call me when you’ve got it, okay? See you tonight.” 

“Hot date?” she asked, with a big smile. 

He gave her a sneer in return. “If you must know, it’s a business dinner. Anything after that depends on the mood.”

“I’d say that sounds potentially rewarding.” She considered his open-necked short-sleeved shirt. “What’s his opinion of your attire?”

“What’s with the third degree?” He jerked his chin at her, bristling, and she backed off.

“I’m just being friendly.” 

He blew out a breath. “Look, I know this guy’s not exactly top shelf, but—”

“No! No, Danny…” She reached out and put a hand on his arm. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not thinking that at all. To be honest, I thought you might be doing pretty well. Maybe even feeling happy.” 

He settled down, then sighed. “Maybe. Hey, I’m sorry I overreacted. Yeah, maybe I am doing pretty well, but… that doesn’t mean I’m not second-guessing my choices fifteen times a day.” 

“Because he works for you?”

Danny winced. “Technically he does not work for me; he works for the department. As a consultant.”

“Okay, then, because he likes the weed? Because he’s a guy?” She tilted her head. “Because he’s twelve years younger than you?”

“Jesus, Ashley, how about  _ all _ of those?” He glared at her. “No, do you want to know my actual problem? It’s that as much as I appreciate the sex being  _ great _ for a change, I’m really not sure how I feel about doing it with somebody I’m not in love with. All right? Is that enough information for you?”

“Hey.” She shook her head, smiling. “You just apologized to me twenty seconds ago, and now you’re yelling again.” 

She waited while he closed his eyes, visibly calming himself. Slowly, he sat down at the bar. 

“You think you’re doing something wrong,” she said, “but you’re not. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, as long as it’s mutual.”

He was already nodding. “Yeah. I know.” 

“Really?” She increased the intensity of her look, but he bore it stoically. Maybe she just wasn’t very good at it. “So, is it?”

“Is it what? Casual? He’s not suggesting we move in together, if that’s what you mean.” 

“Is it a good distraction?” He took too long to answer. “Compared to, say, a jog in the park? A night out with your buddies?”

“What exactly do you think I  _ do _ with my buddies?” he muttered. Then, louder, “Okay! Okay. Yes. It’s—a pretty good distraction.” His lips twitched. “Better than pretty good. And I don’t think either of us have any illusions about what we’re doing together.” 

“That’s great,” she said, with extra enthusiasm, and laughed as he covered his face. “Yes, I’m going to be your gay sex cheerleader. You’ll just have to cope.” 

He peeked out from between his fingers. “I think I’d be able to cope a little better with some sausages in my belly.” 

“Well, that might require some extra work today. I haven’t gone to pick the sausages up yet.” She gestured for him to stand up. “How would you feel about meeting my grandmother?”

The surprised smile that broke across his face was unquestionably pleased. “Under the one condition that you say absolutely nothing about gay sex? Lead the way.” 

Ashley turned the  _ Open, Come In _ sign around so the  _ Sorry, We’re Closed _ side was showing, and locked the door behind them as they exited out the front door. She pointed down the sidewalk to the right, and they started off together. 

“Would you say you can trust your family?” she asked him. 

Danny nodded. “Are you asking me if they have my back? Absolutely. I need a place to stay, food to eat, anything, they’re there for me, one hundred percent. My sisters Stella and Bridget, my brother Matty, I’m pretty sure they’d do anything for me, and vice versa. Now, are you asking if they’d listen to me spill my guts or bellyache about my sex life?” He made a see-saw motion with his hand. “Questionable.” 

“All right. What about your friends? Do you have any friends you could trust with your life?”

“Well…” Danny paused, frowning. “I mean, there’s my partner, Meka. I think—you kind of have to trust your partner, even if you don’t like them.”

“You don’t like Meka?”

“I don’t mean that. We’re good partners, sometimes I go over to his house. His wife Amy grills a mean fish. But I wouldn’t say he’s my best friend.” 

“So who is your best friend?" she persisted.

“You just want me to say it’s you, don’t you.” He grinned at her, and she slid an arm through his. “Yeah, well, before I left New Jersey, I think I would have said it was Dave, but… I think it actually is you, now.”

“I really don’t think you get to count your bartender as your best friend.”

“Why not? We talk, we have fun. I’m not trying to get into your pants. I trust you.” 

“You trust me?” The question came out a little more scared than she intended it to.

“Of course I trust you.” He gave her a funny look. “No, I do!”

“You don’t have any reason to trust me. But maybe, someday, you will. I hope you will.” She nodded. “So a friend is somebody you like and trust, and family is somebody you trust but don’t always like.” 

“That sounds about right.”

“In here.” Ashley pointed at the door beneath the awning three doors down from the corner. She gave a wave to Peneki, on security duty between the garage entrance and the alleyway, and he waved back. Danny watched with bland attention, but didn’t comment. 

She rang the bell beside Vovó’s door, then waited ten seconds before ringing it again. 

“Her hearing’s not the best,” she said. “And she’s getting slower, but she’ll get here eventually.” 

Sure enough, they saw the curtain move aside, then the locks turned and the door opened, revealing a stooped, wizened woman with tanned, fair skin and a head of cropped white hair. She gazed at Danny through bright, discerning eyes. 

“You bring a haole cop to my door without permission, moʻopuna wahine?”

“I told you about Danny, Vovó,” she said. “You said you wanted a look at him.”

“Ohhh!” Her face brightened.  _ “This _ is your Danny? I had no idea. Please, come in.” 

Danny didn’t seem fazed by Vovó’s initial judgment. He waited until Ashley was done hugging her, then gave her a little nod that looked more like a bow. When she reached for his hand, he shook it.

“I hear you have been very good to my Ashley,” she said gravely.

“I’m glad to hear she thinks so,” he said, clearly startled. 

They followed her into the kitchen, where three large pots simmered on the stove. Vovó went straight out the back door to the yard to check on the forno, but Ashley indicated that he should wait where he was. 

“You can say no to the malasadas,” she told him under her breath, “but not the sweet bread.” 

He seemed willing to take this advice, and when Vovó brought in a plate of seven hot steaming buns, he took one and ate it with relish, blowing on his fingers. Vovó stood and watched, beaming, then spooned up a large bowl of bean soup and set it at the small table. 

“Ashley’s cousin Brenna is mostly in charge of making the malasadas these days,” she said. “But I’m still the one cooking the rest of the family Pocho specialties.” 

“Don’t say Pocho, Vovó, it’s racist,” Ashley said automatically. She knew her grandmother would ignore the comment, but Danny looked at her as he ate his soup.

“Is it? What does it mean?”

“Portuguese. My family’s hapa, half-Portuguese, half-Polynesian. Well, kind of half.” 

“Plenty of fence-hopping in our family,” said Vovó. She cackled at Ashley’s groan. “What? Ashley is far too easily embarrassed.” She pointed at Danny’s bowl. “Hawaiians are like this bean soup. Much tastier when we are mixed together, eh? Hapa soup.” 

“I should get back to the bar, Vovó,” Ashley said, tugging Danny’s arm. “You carry the heavy one.”

Vovó handed Ashley the red pot full of bean soup and Danny the black one with sausages. 

“Thanks for the bread,” said Danny. 

“A hui hou, Detective Danny Williams.” 

“How—” Danny hurried after Ashley and out the front door, craning his neck to look behind them. “I didn’t tell her my last name.” 

She gave him a sunny smile. “Better not to ask.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danny’s partner Meka and his wife Amy are introduced in episode 1x08 Mana'o.


	6. Cabal

When Jack looked up at the clock on the south wall for the fifth time, Ashley decided she had to speak up. “Just stop. You’re not making time pass any faster.” 

“Maybe I should call Uncle.” 

He sounded agitated enough to do just that, but when Ashley shook her head, he settled back on the floor beside the four children in his charge. 

If she had any context for their presence on the island, it would have been so much easier to calm them. They hadn’t slept well the night before, either. She gathered the three children on the sofa closer to her, attuned to the youngest’s soft weeping, and shushed them as best as she could by humming a lullaby. 

“He’s never this late.” 

“Father’s not about to miss departure. He sleeps and wakes by the shipping schedules.”

It felt like an hour before they heard the back doorbell, though the clock said it had only been a few minutes. 

_ “Qiāoqiāo.” _ She put her finger to her lips, just in case they were too terrified to listen.  _ “Gēnzhe wǒ.” _

That was just about the extent of her Chinese, but it was enough to get them to follow. All seven of them huddled close to her, stumbling through the kitchen and out to the alley, where Father’s transport van was waiting. Auntie Lottie welcomed them inside with blankets and food and soft words. Less than thirty seconds later, the van had disappeared around the corner, headed toward the harbor.

“Ash,” Jack hissed.

She let the door close and lock behind her as they withdrew inside. They looked at the clock together this time. 

“I don’t think he’s going to make it,” Jack said, his voice low. He was already sliding his phone out of his pocket. “Uncle’s closer to the harbor than we are; he can—”

“The shipping’s not going to stop for anything, Jack, not even Father. But he’s going to make it.” 

Ashley knew this would be only one leg on those kids’ long journey home, but after years of returning victims of human trafficking to families in their home countries, she also knew it was the best of many much worse options. She squeezed Jack’s hand, and he sighed and put his phone away. 

Then they both froze at the knock on the front door. 

“Is that locked?” he whispered. She nodded. 

With as much care as she could muster, she retrieved the shotgun from under the couch. She had the shell against the loading flap before she heard Danny’s voice say, “Ashley?”

Jack’s fuse was already shorter than usual. Ashley pocketed the shell, laid the gun on the couch, and shooed Jack toward the stairwell before he could lose his temper at the haole standing outside. 

“Go upstairs and strip the beds,” she told him. “Pillowcases too. Those kids were jumping with ukus.  _ Go.” _ Then, louder, she called, “Be right there.”

She made the shotgun disappear back under the couch, then straightened up the room as best as she could. With any luck, Danny wouldn’t pay attention to the side of the room he never visited anyway.

He looked sheepish when she unlocked the door. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be here five minutes early, but I was in the neighborhood, and—”

“Sure.” She gave him a calm smile. “What’s five minutes? Come on in.” 

Danny barely glanced at Jack when he came downstairs with his bundle of sheets, though the look Jack shot him could have frozen the ocean itself. As he took the bundle right through the back and out the door, she let out a long sigh—and then she started to cry, and she couldn’t stop.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Danny approached her with full-on papa worry, but Ashley shook her head, warding him away with a hand. To his credit, he didn’t come any closer, watching her with anxious eyes. “Can I get you anything?” 

“Tissues,” she sniffed, gesturing.

He hurried across the room to get them while she made an attempt to pull herself together. 

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary.” Then she realized how that sounded, what that implied about her life, even in her head, and it almost set the waterworks going all over again. “Goddamn it.”

“It’s okay.” He sat at the bar and waited. She struggled with what to say. What could she even  _ tell _ him that wouldn’t prompt a whole string of questions she wasn’t prepared to answer?

In the end, the answer was going to have to be  _ just enough. _ She screwed up her courage and unlocked the strongbox under the bar, taking out her notebook and laying it in front of him.

“Danny, remember how I asked if you could trust me?”

“Of course, sure. What’s going on?”

“So much. So much is going on. I wanted to tell you about it sooner, but it’s not just about me. Telling you puts others at risk, many other people.” 

“What do you mean?” He frowned at her. “Ashley, are you involved in something illegal?”

“No. Kind of. It’s complicated.” She tried to marshal her thoughts. “Look, I’m about to tell you some things, and… they’re going to sound like I’m making it all up. You don’t have to believe any of it, but I want you to know, someday, it’ll matter. And it’s all real.” She fixed him with her best approximation of her father’s icy stare. “All of it.”

“Okay, yeah. I’m listening. Go ahead, hit me.”

She took a deep breath. “There’s a—an organization. Sort of a club. In private they call themselves the Order of Cassius, although they exist under many, many other names in local communities. It’s made up of mostly men, but whole families are involved. They commonly attract several demographics: white supremacists, racist occultists, Christian fundamentalists. It’s not really secret, but it runs under the radar of most law enforcement organizations, or sometimes with their participation. Their philosophy includes the idea that men should hold dominion over their land as they do their women. It’s a cult, in all the worst meanings of the word.” 

Danny nodded. “The Order of Cassius.” 

“Right. It pretends to be ancient, but that’s a lie; it emerged in the early 1920s. Best guess, they dredged up their philosophy and protocols from groups like the Cannibal Club they wanted to emulate and give themselves some grand history to wave about.” She opened her notebook and showed him her wholly inadequate sketch of the OC seal on the first page. “Like many other lodges and orders, there are levels to membership. The ultimate level is out of reach of most of the members; most of them don’t seem to know what’s really going on.” 

Danny looked up from the seal. “And what… is really going on?”

“I’m getting to that. There’s a top level to the order. They’re known as the Cassius Committee, or CC; we call them the Cabal. CC stands for the Roman numerals, two hundred, because that’s the exact number of people who can occupy the elite ranks of the Cabal. The only way in or out is for a member to die, or be made dead.” She glanced at Danny, but his face wasn’t telling her anything. “They defend their spots with others’ lives.” 

She turned the page in her book. Her pencil sketch of the CC insignia was rough, made when she was much younger, but it was all she’d be allowed to have until she had her own family with whom to share this information.  _ If you ever have one, _ her inner voice taunted, but she shut it down with long experience. 

“The Order of Cassius’ base consists mostly of people who are in it for themselves. They’re men who want to exhibit petty power over their wives, or they’re sadistic players looking for fun, or they’re simply followers looking for an inspired leader. But the Cabal is different. It’s a tightly interwoven network of worldwide leaders. They fund governments, multiple governments, not to mention its own well-oiled corporate crime syndicate. Money is everything to these guys, because money buys power. They treat kids and women like slaves—sometimes  _ real _ slaves—and then they whitewash their own reputations with the power they’ve brokered. There’s no way for us to estimate their reach.” She tapped the diagram beneath the insignia illustrating the flow of power through various established conduits. It had been almost a decade since she’d copied it out of her grandfather’s book. “With me so far?”

“In a sense.” He raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t told her to shut up yet, at least. “There’s more?”

“One more point, probably the most important one when it comes to you. There’s a white-collar arm of the Cabal, known as the Order of Burton’s Gavel. They’re mostly lawyers and governmental officials that act as a group of legal eagles and fixers. They don’t have any inherent power in the Cabal, but they play well among the elite, and they’re well-paid, as long as they keep their place.” She took another deep breath and flipped to the page marked with a ribbon, showing it to Danny. “These are the individuals we think are currently part of the Order of Burton’s Gavel in Hawaii.” 

Danny stared at the names on the page. “But these guys—”

“I know, I know.” She gnawed her lip as he read and reread the list. “I thought maybe you might know some of these people, maybe even personally.” 

“Yeah, I do.” He looked at her with real concern. “Do you have any proof? I mean, you, or… who are you working with? Who is  _ we?” _

“That’s the part I can’t tell you. I mean, I shouldn’t have told you any of this, but that part, it’s personal. Our charge is ho‘okuleana: to take responsibility, individually and collectively, not to let the Order run the island. We protect our own.”

Danny’s mouth tightened. He tapped her notebook. “Can I make a copy of this?”

“Yeah, you can, but be aware, it changes all the time. I recorded this a month ago. This list might be old news.” 

He took out his phone and snapped a photo of the list. Then he turned back to her, looking somewhat wary. 

“This isn’t, like, in Men in Black when Agent K does that eye-zapping thing and makes me forget everything, is it?”

“Even if I could,” she said, “I wouldn’t. I actually want you to remember. But I also don’t want you to think I’m insane, so… if you do think that, please don’t tell me?”

“Okay.” He looked confused. “So what do you want me to do with that list of names?”

“Nothing. Nothing yet,” she amended. 

“I’m just supposed to sit on this kind of juicy tip?” He raised an eyebrow. “I mean, who would know if I—”

“Please.” She grabbed his arm. “Don’t. There’s all kinds of things in play, and I’m not privy to all of them. It could really… people could get hurt.” 

He nodded, eyes wide. “Okay. Of course.” 

She sighed, leaning against him for a moment, feeling her breath come more easily. “Thank you for listening.” 

“Believe me, you’ve earned it. All the listening you’ve done for me.” He gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “Will you please tell me if you think you’re in serious danger?”

“I don’t think I am. I’m pretty far removed from the action arm of the organization. But if anything changes, I’ll tell you.” 

“All right.” His sigh sounded more frustrated than anything. “The last thing I need is one more person I care about getting hurt.” 


	7. Sensitive

Ashley set down her pot of sausages in a hurry when Danny walked in the door with his arm in a sling. “What happened to you, brah?”

“Will you believe me if I tell you this isn’t even the most significant thing that happened today?” He gestured to himself, one-handed, as she approached. “You’re looking at a member of the governor’s brand-new targeted task force on crime.”

“No way.” She grabbed both shoulders, staring into his face, before hugging him. “No way!”

“Hey, hey, watch the arm. I also got shot. It’s all thanks to Steve McGarrett.”

“Who’s he?”

“He’s the son of the guy whose murder I’m investigating. Get this: he shows up in his dad’s garage, going through crime scene evidence like it’s his own goddamn house. I tell him to leave the active crime scene, and you know what he does? He calls the governor. The governor of Hawaii. He stands there in his dad’s garage and he gets sworn into service, over the phone, by the  _ governor of Hawaii. _ Craziest thing I ever saw.”

She watched him pace the worn floorboards, his good arm flailing in all directions as he ranted, and tried not to smile.  _ You’ve known him one day, and this guy’s already under your skin? _ she thought, but she kept it to herself. 

“Then he walks right into my house, he starts judging my housekeeping, which is admittedly not the tidiest, and starts asking questions about Gracie. Then he says he’s putting me on his task force, and I’ve got no choice about it.” He scoffed. “Like I’d  _ choose  _ to work with a jerk like him.”

“Wait, you  _ don’t _ want this job?” Ashley approached and led him to his seat at the bar, setting a Longboard in front of him. “What’s so bad about this McGarrett?” 

“Where do I start?” Unable to count off his fingers with the other hand, Danny settled for brandishing them in her face, one at a time. “He doesn’t listen. He only follows the rules he wants to follow. Guys like him who think they know how to do everything, they only make my job harder. Tell me, why would I want to work with somebody like that?” 

“You tell me.”

“Like I said, he’s got the governor on speed dial. He’s the one making the call.” He took a long drink of his beer, then leaned toward her. “Oh, and here’s the best part.  _ I _ get shot. He doesn’t say thank you when I save his life, and then he calls me  _ sensitive _ and accuses me of ruining the case. Then he throws me on the ground.”

“He threw  _ you _ on the ground?” She whistled. “Damn. He must be built.”

“You’re telling me. Six foot tall and change; has moves like GI Joe.” 

“Sounds like this McGarrett fellow has a bit of a control problem.” 

“Yeah, well.” Danny knocked his bottle on the bar, a smirk playing over his lips. 

Ashley’s eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

“I… might have punched him in the face.” 

He looked so smug, Ashley had to laugh. “Make that two guys with control problems.” 

“Me? I do not have a control problem.” He waved the empty bottle. “I have an awesome bartender partner in crime.” 

She brought the Longboard around the bar and handed it to him, trading him for the empty. “You know, I bet you could get out of this job if you really wanted to.” 

“Are you kidding me?” He stared at her. “This is the best chance I have to get access to the kind of people you told me about.” 

She blinked. “You—you’re doing this for  _ me?” _

“No!” he scoffed. “Not for you. Those Cabal people, they’re not going to talk to an HPD detective, but they sure as hell might talk to somebody on the governor’s special task force with guaranteed immunity. So it stands to—hey, whoa, watch the arm.” He laughed, catching her in a full-body hug as she launched herself at him. He gave her a squeeze before propping her back up, doing a little awkward one-handed dust-off. “There you go.” 

“I didn’t really think you believed me.”

“Well, there’s believe, and there’s believe. Let’s say I’m open to the possibility that it might be true. And, seriously, no matter what name they go by, there are scumbags everywhere in the world, and a lot of them have money and power.” Danny shrugged. “Might as well be in a position to catch them and put them in prison, right?”

He laughed again as she gazed at him in gratitude. She could tell it made him a little uncomfortable, but she wasn’t about to deny him mahalo, even if he might not really understand what it meant to her.

“I’ll tell you,” he added, “the scumbag we put in prison today, I was kind of surprised he wasn’t on that list of yours.”

“That list was specifically smooth-talking bureaucrats and lawyers. The real scumbags in the Order are ideologues, not just opportunists, and the list of  _ them  _ would be too long for that notebook. You can bet he’s had dealings with plenty of them, regardless.” 

“Could be. I have a feeling I’ll be spending a lot of time around smooth-talking bureaucrats and lawyers from here on out. It’s probably good I’ve got a guy with control issues watching my back.” 

“So that’s why you’re wearing that tie again?”

Danny shook his head, still grinning. “What, you too?” 

“I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure you weren’t dressing like that for the last five months.” She raised an eyebrow. “Who exactly are you dressing for?”

“Look,” he protested, “I wear a tie to work. It’s a thing I do. It’s not to impress anybody in particular.” 

“All right,” she said, relenting. “Well, congratulations on the new job. I hope they pay you more. Today, sausages are on me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows the events in episode 1x01.


	8. Sucker

Danny stumbled in the next week with haunted eyes. For a moment, Ashley thought he might already be drunk.

“I am really going to have to watch myself around this guy, Ash.” He sank down into his stool as she pressed a Longboard into his hand, and winced. “Ow. My knee. I’m going to have to get that looked at.” 

“You mean McGarrett? Your new boss?”

“Yeah. For one thing, he is definitely too intuitive for his own good. I won’t say smart. I mean, he _thinks_ he’s so smart. He’s _clever,_ okay? That’s different from smart.” 

“Sure,” she said, with a grin. “I mean, who’d want his boss to be smart?”

“Well, that’s the thing. Every now and then he pulls something out of the air that really _is_ smart. Like that trick with the iodine, bringing up the—the salt whatsits. To make the shadow of the metal thing.” He sighed at her blank expression. “Never mind. But here’s something else I’m finding increasingly clear. He’s _completely insane._ ” Danny shook his head in disbelief. “I mean, who throws a guy halfway off a building before catching him? Who takes fingerprints with a guy’s _blood?_ ” 

“Yikes.” Ashley grimaced. “That’s a little over the top.” 

“You’re telling me. Everything is a personal mission for him. Shoot first, ask questions later.” 

“You really think he’s putting you in danger?”

“Me? _I’m_ not the one in danger. It’s our _suspects.”_ He let his head drop to rest atop his folded arms on the bar. “I swear, Ashley, I’m gonna have to punch him in the face every _day_ if he keeps this up.” 

“It sounds like you might have a hard time hiding things from a guy that clever.” 

She heard the groan, even muffled by his arms. “I already lied to him once. He heard me say _Danno_ on the phone, and he—I didn’t say anything at first, just brushed it off. Finally when he wouldn’t quit asking, I told him Grace said it by mistake when she was a baby, because she couldn’t say Danny. Only it wasn’t Grace, it was _Emily_ who did that, and when they were born all the other kids just followed her lead and called me Danno, too.” He turned his head miserably to one side, his nose and mouth smashed into the side of his forearm. “I bet he could tell I was lying. Him and his SEAL powers.” 

“Seal powers?”

“Oh, and—” He laughed. “I introduced McGarrett to Adam. I mean professionally, of course, as a consultant, not as my—you know.”

She let that go. “How was that?”

“A riot and a half, believe me. Adam took one look at me and gave me goddamn bedroom eyes and teased me about not looking kama’aina enough in my tie. At least I didn’t slip and call him _babe_ in front of my boss.”

“You think McGarrett suspected something was going on between the two of you?”

“I seriously doubt it. He’s about as straight as they come.” He looked a little uneasy at the prospect. 

“Tell me about the rest of your team,” she suggested. 

That kept him distracted for at least ten minutes as he described Chin Ho’s reticence and Kono’s enthusiasm.

“I gave her a Saint Michael medal for her graduation today,” he said, smiling. Then his face darkened again. “And we all went to the UH football game this week. Gave Grace a chance to meet all of them, but… well, you probably heard how well that went.” 

“Yeah, I heard about the shootout on the news,” she lied. It didn’t matter how she knew about it. “You were there?”

He nodded ruefully. “Scared her half to death. And of course Rachel blames the whole thing on my being a cop, when it had nothing to _do_ with that.” He shook his head. “She’s trying to take me back to court to contest my parental rights. Says I’m not providing a safe environment for Grace.” 

Ashley considered that, but eventually shook her head in confusion. “Because football games are generally so dangerous?”

“Right, yes! Thank you.” He sighed, resting his head in his hand. “So, anyway, I think I’m going to have to end things with Adam. If McGarrett’s going to ask me this many questions about everything, it’s just going to get worse from here on out.” 

“Danny…” She frowned. “You really think the answer to working with an intuitive guy is to eliminate everything in your life you don’t want to explain?”

“It’s worked for me in the past?” he quipped, but she could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

“Or you could come clean with your team? Actually tell them the truth?”

He made a raspberry noise. “Yeah, let’s think through how well that would go. _Hey, McGarrett, just wanted you to know, for the last four months I’ve been regularly blowing off a little steam with our codebreaker Adam Charles here, and in case you were wondering, those lollipops I gave him weren’t the only thing he was sucking on._ I think not.” 

She stopped laughing before giving him a chiding look. “I’m sure you could come up with some happy medium.” 

“No, you know what? The truth is, work is work and fun is fun, okay, and I’m really not doing anybody a favor by trying to mix up the two. Remember how you asked me the difference between friends and family? There’s a third category, and that’s colleagues, and it’s better for everybody if they don’t mix with the first two.” He sliced the air in front of him into three neat piles. 

“So you have Grace,” she said, “that’s the family category, and you’ve got colleagues, and you’ve got… what, exactly, in the friend category?”

He didn’t say anything. She watched him trying to come up with an answer for far too long.

“How about you call Dave,” she suggested softly. 

He blinked, then shook his head. “I really can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s the thing, Ashley, when you _leave_ people, they don’t really feel all that kindly toward you, all right? They stop trusting you. As well they should.” 

“You really think he wouldn’t welcome a call from you? No matter what you did, or why you did it, that doesn’t mean he stopped—”

“I can’t,” he said again, louder this time. “Don’t you understand? I can’t depend on him for that. Not when they’re so far away. Not when I’m the one who took off.” 

“Does that mean you don’t deserve a real friendship?” she protested. “A real relationship with somebody, who depends on you and you depend on them? Who’s the sucker here again?”

His lips thinned. “I think relationships are a luxury for cops, and they often cause more trouble than they’re worth.” 

“So you’re going to cut short every relationship that means anything to you before it can mean anything _more_ to you, by using the excuse that you don’t want to get hurt?”

“Aha.” He tipped his bottle toward her. “Now you’re starting to catch on.” 

* * *

_I used to fill the sky around  
With happiness and joy  
I had news to give the wind  
To keep my sails and heart employed _

_I felt people move around me  
I felt loneliness and shame  
Back then everyday was different  
Now each moment is the same _

_I miss it, I miss it  
Oh, I miss that feeling of feeling _

_-[The Avett Brothers, “Tin Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgJjYm5_6RQ)” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode follows the events in episode 1x03 Malama Ka Aina.


	9. Advice

The next time Danny knocked on the front door, Ashley wasn’t nearly as startled. He was carrying a book under his arm, and, even more notably, he was limping.

“Another injury?”

He waved it off. “Yeah, I’m on my way to the doctor’s office. Probably nothing. I thought I’d stop and get something to eat now. You never know how long they’re going to keep you waiting, right? Also,  Steve insists on choosing where we go for lunch, and it’s never as good as this.  What time do you open, anyway? Your sign says eleven, but it’s twelve-thirty.” 

“It varies,” she hedged. “You could just call and I’ll open it up, though. I live upstairs.”

Danny glanced at the ceiling in surprise. “Really? Like, there’s an apartment up there?” He smiled. “Hey, how much of this block does your family own?”

“Off the record? All of it, but it’s not all open to the public. Come on in. Soup or sausages?”

She ended up getting him some of each, although he declined the offer of beer. When she brought the food out, he was reading his book.

“Seven Habits, huh?” 

He nodded, turning the book over on the bar. “I thought it might give me some insight into my situation. You know, kind of like therapy without the $200 price tag.” 

“A book is slightly cheaper,” she agreed. “Learn anything so far?”

“It’s full of advice. Here’s a good one.  _ Sharpen the saw.” _ He said it in an announcer voice that made Ashley grin. “That means you do the little everyday things first, to make the big things easier in the end.” 

“Like, a daily workout? Or, like… I don’t know, going to church?”

“Now, that is an interesting question. He says it’s anything that will help you renew your energy and keep you balanced. Whatever that means.” 

“Kind of the opposite of finding a distraction.” She watched him blink. “Or maybe not. Maybe that’s  _ exactly _ the kind of thing he means.” 

“Okay, okay,” Danny grumbled. He gave her a disgruntled look. “For somebody without a boyfriend—girlfriend—whatever, you sure have a lot of opinions about my sex life.” 

“Trust me, I have plenty of things in  _ my _ life to keep me balanced. And if I manage to meet somebody, I promise you get to vet them first. Or at least run a background check.”

“Count on it. Now, how about this one?  _ Think win-win. _ I work on a team, right? We build each other up, we strategize for success.” He paused. “Except McGarrett. He always has to be better than everybody else.”

“Yeah, I would guess that comes standard in the SEAL training.” She waved her hand. “Try another.” 

“All right, here’s one I’m already doing:  _ Put first things first. _ I care about Gracie more than anything, so I came to Hawaii to be with her.” 

“Yeah, but you left the rest of your family in New Jersey in order to do it.” 

His expression wilted a bit. “What, you think you know how to prioritize my family?”

“What would you call what you did?”

He didn’t answer that. She took the book out of his hands and flipped to the beginning.

“How about this one?  _ Be proactive.” _ She did her own version of the announcer voice this time, and his lips twitched in amusement. “That means focus on what you can change instead of complaining about what you can’t, right?” She nudged him. “You seriously think you’re doing that, brah?”

“Of course I am,” he protested. “I am trying to change my Neanderthal animal of a partner into somebody who actually  _ listens _ when I tell him he’s going to get us killed. What’s wrong with that?” He sighed. “Okay, maybe I’m not doing so well being highly effective.”

“What about this one, though?  _ Synergize. _ What does that mean?”

“You know what that means, you’re just humoring me. Okay, synergize is a stupid made-up word that means the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. In other words, two people can do more together than either one would be able to do alone.” 

“Or three or four?” she suggested. After a pause, he nodded. “Your team’s doing all right there.”

“Sure, I guess. Yes.” He nodded again thoughtfully. “Maybe we are.” 

He scribbled his phone number on the back of a bar napkin and handed it to her before struggling to his feet. 

“Send me a text so I’ll have your phone number. I can’t type on this stupid little keyboard. Wish me luck at the doctor’s, okay?”

* * *

Danny didn’t come in every day, or even every week, but that evening he showed up again, just after seven. A few of her regulars were there by then, and they stared when he came through the door. Ashley thought it could have been the cane Danny was using, but more likely it was the gorgeous tall man who was with him. Ashley set down the pitcher of water, trying not to stare herself. 

“Steve McGarrett,” he said, nodding at Ashley, “this is Ashley—you know, I don’t even know your last name.” 

“Zizes.” She held out a hand over the bar, and Steve shook it, smiling. “What brings you in?”

“Danny said you have good food,” he said. His voice was much more soft and gentle than she’d expected. “I, uh, could use some lunch for me and my sister.”

“More like dinner, I think.” She headed for the kitchen. “Bean soup or sausages?”

“Sausages,” Danny said, “and you got some of your grandmother’s bread? Melts in your mouth, you’re not going to believe it.” 

They were bickering about something when she returned with the paper bag full of food, but they stopped when she drew near. 

“I threw some paper plates and flatware and stuff in there. There’s two haupia malasadas, too.” 

“Hey, thanks very much. She’s going to love them.” He glanced at Danny, who was already heading for the door. “Sorry to grab and run. It was nice to meet you, Ashley. Take care.” 

“E mālama pono.” She waved as the door chime jingled on their way out. 

“Cute,” she heard Steve say, but was unable to catch the content of Danny’s outraged retort.

Twenty minutes, to her surprise, Danny was back again, edging his way toward the bar. He paused when he realized someone else was sitting in his usual spot. Ashley gestured him over to the stool on the far end, by the wall, and placed his cane behind the bar.

“I guess something was wrong with your knee after all?”

“Torn ACL,” he said. “I’m supposed to stay off it, but you can bet how likely that is. Doc gave me some anti-inflammatories.”

“Where’s your boss?”

“Having a picnic with his sister at the Punchbowl. I dropped him off. They’re visiting their father’s grave.”

She watched him avoiding her eyes. “You weren’t kidding about him being tall.”

“Yeah, but it turns out he can’t play basketball worth a damn. Crying shame.” 

“You guys played basketball?”

“In prison.” He was grinning now, the expression on his face as soft as McGarrett’s voice. “Funny story, really. Let me start at the beginning.” 

He told her about Walton Dawkins’ escape from Halawa Correctional, with the help of the prison guard, and their interrogation of Dawkins’ four-and-a-half-year next-door cell neighbor, Skeet. 

“Skeet, he was a trip.” Danny was already well into his second beer. “Definitely playing for our team. He was kind enough to assure us he was not sleeping with Dawkins, and he hit on Steve about six different ways. Then I asked Steve for the thousandth time not to call me Danno, and you know what Skeet said?  _ How long have you two been married? _ ” He snickered. 

Ashley decided not to make a big deal about either Danny’s apparently sudden first-name basis with his boss or the “playing for our team” remark. What she really wanted to do was give him a hug, but the rest of the regulars would have remarked on it, and she doubted Danny needed more opinions about his delicious partner. 

“So he played basketball with Skeet? In prison?”

“It was all the guy had to wager with. Steve went ahead and did it, and, man… you never saw such a sorry sight.” He shook his head. “Embarrassing, really. So I pulled him aside, and I told him to play it like football.”

“How do you play basketball like football?”

“Whatever. I said he should go with what he knows: take the ball, don’t worry about fouls. You know, rely on muscle memory.”

“Huh.” She nodded expectantly. “And?” 

His smile spread across his entire face. “Steve smoked him. It was beautiful. Fist-bump worthy.”

“Cherry. So did you catch the fugitive?”

Danny nodded. “It took five hours driving around Oahu and a helicopter ride to Maunaloa, but yeah, Steve and Chin got him. I, being the gimp extraordinaire, ended up waiting at the hospital with the injured fiancée.” He paused. “You know, if my fiancé turned out to be a former bank robber living under an alias, I don’t think I’d forgive him. But she did.” 

Ashley grinned. “I’m pretty sure everybody I’ve ever dated has spent a little time in lockup for something. Even if it was only for civil disobedience.” 

“See, I would not consider that to be normal.” He glanced toward the other regulars at the bar, who did not appear to be listening but probably were. “Steve’s sister Mary flew in from Los Angeles today. Pretty cool kid. Turns out she didn’t show for their dad’s funeral back in September. This morning, when he brought her back from the airport, I thought he was going to have an aneurism.” 

That little smile was back. Ashley was pretty sure she’d never seen anything on his face quite like it before, not even when he was talking about his daughter. 

“So after they got back from Molokai,” he went on, “I’m heading up the elevator to the sixth floor to find Steve and the former bank robber and his fiancée, and I run into Steve in the hallway. He’s all messed up, red-faced, he’s got actual tears on his cheeks, the whole deal. I turn to head back into the elevator, but he stops me and tells me what happened with Mary and his dad. I guess showing up like this is kind of her way of apologizing. But Steve, he says to me,  _ she never knew how much Dad loved her, and now I think I’m as bad as he was.” _

“Oh, brah.” She rested a hand on top of his. He took it and gave it a squeeze. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah. So then I ask him what he thinks she wants from him. You know what he says?” He shook his head. “He says,  _ she wants a picnic. _ And I tell him, the least he can do after locking her in his office all day is to give her one. So I brought him here.” 

She knew her expression was beyond sappy, but luckily he didn’t seem to care. “I’m glad you did.” 

“Well, he listened to my advice about basketball, so I thought maybe he would listen to this, too.” He looked bemused. “Twice in one day. I think I may faint.”

Ashley wiped her eyes on her apron. “Well, you did punch him in the face.” 

He nodded, his eyes crinkling. “Maybe that’s all it takes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place following the events in episode 1x04 Lanakila.


	10. Blue

Ashley didn’t encounter Steve again for a long time after the day his sister came to visit. She didn’t see much of Danny for the next couple of weeks, either. The next time he came in, his knee was improved, although she couldn’t say the same for his mood. He wasn’t exactly brooding; it was something a little more resigned than that. 

She sat, polishing her Vovó’s silver, as Danny sat across from her at the bar, as quiet as any of her other locals who just came to get cheap liquor and pass out at the end of the night. He didn’t even ask for sausages. 

“Nothing exciting happening at work?” she asked. 

“Only every day. A kidnapping, last week. An ambassador’s daughter got killed; we retrieved the other one.” 

Ashley nodded. She knew about that one. The Reeves family were notorious members of the Order. That didn’t mean she felt good about either of their kids being sold into sex trafficking, but her family hadn’t made a move to rescue them, either. 

“That’s a relief. How’s Steve?” 

“Peachy.” His plosive  _ p _ was prominent.

“I’m guessing he’s even more of a work-and-no-play type as you are.”

“Oh, no, he’s got a distraction. It took me a while to figure it out, but yeah. He’s seeing this woman.”

“Good for him.” 

“You’re not kidding. I’m talking a sex-on-the-beach kind of woman. Who works for the  _ military. _ ” He gave Ashley a knowing look. “Who can do him favors. And I don’t mean the bedroom kind of favors, I mean the kind that involves tactical equipment and data and stuff like that. And she’s totally patient with him, no drama.” 

“Mmm.” Ashley dabbed a little more silver polish on the stubborn black spot on the serving spoon. “Sounds like a good match.”

He squinted out the window. “Sure.” 

“You don’t like her?”

“No, no. She’s fine. I mean, she’s great. Seriously, nobody gets a woman like that. Not that he wanted to  _ tell _ me about her.” 

She paused. “Mr. Competitive didn’t want to show off his amazing girlfriend? That’s kind of the opposite from what you’d expect from him, right? I would have assumed part of the reason to date a girl like that is because he wants to prove he can.”

Danny stared at her for a moment. Then he laughed. “No, I’m pretty sure he’s dating her because he actually likes her a whole lot. What he’s  _ not _ doing is committing. He doesn’t even call her his girlfriend. He said  _ old friends.  _ What kind of a thing is that to call somebody you’re involved with?”

Ashley shrugged. “What  _ do _ you think he should call her?”

“I don’t know. Not Lieutenant. A pet name, baby, sweetie.” He looked away, his lip twitching. “A nickname.  _ Something.  _ You know?” 

“Names are special,” she agreed. “But some people don’t like it when others pick a nickname for them. I mean, when somebody calls me by the wrong name, I feel bad.” 

“I get that.” He rose to his feet and began to pace the length of the bar. “But—I mean, maybe, just possibly, she wouldn’t mind it if he did call her by a nickname? Even if she said she doesn’t like it?”

Ashley frowned at him. “I think if somebody says they don’t like something, other people should listen to them. Right? That’s what consent means.”

Danny paused, looking somewhat stricken. “Right. Consent.” He sighed. “That’s… probably better.”

Her frown intensified to a glare. “Probably?”

“No, I mean definitely. Definitely better.” He looked at her with sudden curiosity. “Hey, did  _ you _ used to have a different—?”

“It’s not polite to ask that,” she snapped. 

He took a step back. “I’m sorry.” 

“No. Maybe you wouldn’t have known that.” She glared at him anyway. “Just be aware that using somebody’s wrong name accidentally-on-purpose is a crappy thing to do. It’s a super passive-aggressive method of informing somebody you don’t trust their judgment.”

Now Danny looked downright uncomfortable, but she wasn’t about to let him off the hook. “I guess sometimes I am occasionally maybe a little bit passive-aggressive. Not that I would do that to you.”

“No,” she said. “I know you wouldn’t.” 

Finally she sighed, walking around to the front door. She turned the sign to  _ Sorry, We’re Closed.  _ Then she reached for his hand.

“Come on,” she said. When he just sat there, she beckoned more forcefully. “Just… come with me.”

She led him up the narrow staircase on the far side of the room, turning on lights as she went to illuminate their way. The ceiling in the stairwell was even higher than the fourteen feet of the ground floor. Without lights, it was easy for it to seem like they were ascending into nothingness. 

They paused on the landing and turned the corner onto the second floor, then walked down the hall. Danny stopped and regarded the broad wall entirely covered with picture frames. When she reached up and switched on the individual picture lights, he made a surprised noise. 

“There’s my Vovó, the one you met,” she said, pointing at the long-ago photo of her much-younger grandmother, surrounded by her three siblings. “Here’s my dad when he was a kid, and later, when my brother was a baby.” She took a deep breath. “And there’s me.”

He carefully inspected the photo of ten-year-old Jack beside the seven-year-old version of herself. Both were wearing their formal school blazers and pressed navy slacks, looking like medium and small copies of the same child. 

“That’s really you?” he said, pointing doubtfully. She nodded. He glanced a couple of rows up, to where her Vovó was. “Wow. You and your grandmother really look alike.” 

“Everybody says it.” She laughed. “Although I think they started saying it more when I began wearing skirts.” 

His eyes continued up, to the black-and-white daguerreotype prints in the rows above that. “You’ve got a big family. And I thought Italians had a lot of kids.” 

“Everybody above my Vovó is dead. The bones of all the people on the left are buried on the big island. That’s my mother’s side.” She craned her neck to see the rows closest to the crown molding. “Above that are our ancestors from Portugal. There aren’t too many photos from my father’s side of the family that far back.” 

Ashley reached up to switch off the picture lights, but Danny stayed her hand. He tapped the photo with her father in the center. “You said this is your dad?”

She nodded. There was not a picture of him in existence which portrayed him smiling. 

“What about your mom?”

“I think the phrase is  _ declared dead in absentia.”  _ She touched the photo of young Vovó beside her children, Ashley’s mother Andreia, and her sister, Auntie Lottie. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

As much as Ashley had come to care about Danny, there were some ways in which there would always be a gulf of understanding between them. She knew it would have been impossible to explain to this haole the pride she felt in the role her mother had played in their family. How the task she had worked to complete before her death was by far of more importance than her own individual life—and that her mother had fully agreed with this. That Ashley hoped, maybe, she would be able to do the same for her  _ hale _ someday. The only thing she could do was to nod a vague acknowledgement before turning off the lights. 

Danny was a little less lost in his own doldrums when they returned to the main floor. As she switched the sign on the front door back to  _ Open, _ he joined her at the bar. 

“How’s the soup today?”

She smiled. “You want a beer with that?”

“Sadly, I reached my daily alcohol limit this afternoon.” He stuck out his tongue to reveal a blue as dark as his shirt. “Drinking on the job, pretty sure that was a first, but Steve convinced me it was part of the easy way to do things in Hawaii. As opposed to the  _ hard way.”  _ The last two words came out in air quotes.

She handed him the bowl of soup. “And you don’t think you trust he knows what he’s talking about? He’s not everybody’s definition of kama’aina, but he grew up here, he understands how it is on the island. Can’t you believe that he’s trying to make things easier for you?”

“No! No, I can’t, and here’s why. He’s not my tour guide. He’s not my mentor. He  _ definitely _ doesn’t have to be so critical all the time.” Danny waved his spoon around, splattering the bar, and without missing a beat, he used a napkin to wipe it up. “He treats me like I don’t understand one thing about the way people work. He’s not even giving me a chance to show him I can—” 

“You can what?”

He was back to gloomy again. “I don’t know. That I have something to offer too.” 

Ashley wondered how many of his accomplishments she would have to name before Danny acknowledged Steve McGarrett thought he was worth something. She decided not to even bother trying. 

“You taught him how to play basketball in prison,” she pointed out. 

He was surprised into a chuckle. “I taught him how to  _ win _ basketball in prison. That’s a different thing.” 

“And the name of your task force is all about that, right? That’s what you said Steve told you it meant, anyway. That just because you’re not kama’aina doesn’t mean you don’t belong here. You have your own name: you’re 5-0.” 

Danny shrugged, but she was pretty sure he looked pleased under the typical bluster. “I guess names do count for something.” 

He sat with her, watching her sort the polished silver back into its case, each piece nestled into soft, padded velvet. Polishing was a wholly satisfying task, even if it did turn her fingers black. 

“What would it take?” she asked him. “To feel like you really did belong?”

“Belong where? In Hawaii? On the team?” 

She wondered what he would do if she asked:  _ with Steve? _ That was a more risky conversation than just about anything else they’d talked about that afternoon. Ultimately she shrugged, and he shrugged back. 

“I guess there’s a difference between being lonely and being alone,” he said. “Maybe someday I won’t be either of them.”

“Ohana’s not instant,” she agreed. “It’s just going to take time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place following episode 1x06 Ko'olauloa.


	11. Ohana

Danny burst through the screen door so hard that it banged against the wall and bounced back. Without a word to Ashley, he began pacing the room, one end to the other. She waited as he muttered under his breath for a while, not engaging in conversation, but was surprised when the first name that passed his lips was not  _ Steve, _ but  _ Meka. _

“Your old partner at HPD?” 

The muscles in his jaw worked as he gritted his teeth. “Somebody shot him. Then they dug up the pig from the luau pit and buried his body in its place. With his badge in his goddamn mouth.” 

The number of terrible things that were possible to do to people was something Ashley was well aware of, but it never made it easier to hear about them. She bowed her head, whispering a quick prayer. 

“No leads?”

“Worse. It seems like internal affairs is interfering. In the meantime, his wife is a mess, his son is left in limbo, wondering if his father’s a criminal, and nobody can get any answers. His whole department is freezing us out.” He ran his hands through his hair, staring at the wall. 

“I’m really sorry, Danny,” she said. He nodded tightly. 

She left him alone to pace the room and mutter to himself for a few minutes. Eventually he made his way back to talk to her. 

“We did get a lead on the Ochoa Cartel. They’re the new players in the coke trade.” He gave her a reproachful look. “Maybe you know who they are already.” 

She shrugged. It was a diversion, and one she wasn’t willing to entertain at the moment. “Maybe.” 

“Figures. Well, this looks like they did this. So either they found out Meka was on their trail, and they killed him to send a message…”

“Or?”

He walked to the bar and slowly sank on to the stool. “Or he  _ was _ a dirty cop. Which Steve seems to think he was.  _ Trust the evidence, _ he says. You know, whatever happened to loyalty? If Meka was a SEAL, it would be a whole different story, but when it comes to somebody  _ I _ trust, I get nada.” 

“Who cares who’s right in the end? You’ll figure it out together.”

“This is not an ego thing, okay? I don’t need to be  _ right. _ I—I’m trying to understand.”

“To understand what?”

His eyes closed as he wrestled with the words. “To understand  _ him.” _

She frowned. “Why’s he getting to you now? I thought you guys were past this.” 

“Because he’s not making any  _ sense,” _ Danny shouted, throwing his hands in the air. 

“All right. Look…” She gestured at the door. “I know it’s been a crap day. Go talk to him.”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying all day, and all he’s doing is pissing me off.” 

“So talk to somebody who knows him. His sister still in town?”

“She’s renting a place in Kaimuki. I don’t…” He paused. “I guess I could talk to Chin Ho.” 

“There you go. On your way.  _ Seek first to understand, then to—” _

“Shut up,” he called back at her on his way out.

* * *

The Danny who returned that night was far more subdued. This time, there was no pacing. He navigated his way around her regulars and found himself a seat. She set a Longboard on the bar, and he drank it, but he didn’t say anything until Kalei, sitting two stools down, paid his tab and left. 

“Howzit?” she asked him quietly. “You talk to Chin Ho?”

“I did.” He leaned on his forearms. “And once I had a chance to calm down, I talked to Steve, too.” 

“Didn’t go well, huh?”

“No, actually.” He frowned. “He listened, and… he agreed with me, and that was it. We moved on.” 

“Hey, all right! Progress? What did you say to him?”

“I, uh… I said,  _ what if it was me.  _ If somebody else presented a big pile of evidence against me, would he believe them? And he said no, of course not. That was all he needed to convince him to stop arguing with me.” 

She nodded. “That sounds good.” When he shook his head, she paused. “Not good? Why not?”

“Because he argues, and he’s all  _ trust the evidence _ , and—and then…” Danny stopped, his jaw working with frustration. “Apparently the evidence doesn’t mean anything if it goes against somebody  _ he _ trusts. Somebody  _ he _ —” 

Ashley leaned closer to him on the bar, trying to get him to look at her, but he wasn’t having any of that. 

“Brah, you knew this about him already. He’s loyal to a fault, right? You said it last week; Navy SEALs don’t leave any man behind.” 

Danny nodded. He drained his beer. 

“Danny, are you mad at him because he  _ doesn’t _ trust you, or because he  _ does?” _

When his mouth got wobbly and his eyes started to blink, she busied herself with things behind the bar until he’d recovered. Finally Danny sighed.

“I’m mad because his messed-up loyalty only extended to the people in his inner circle, right? Which, okay, he’s a military guy, I can’t really blame him for being brainwashed into that. Except now,  _ I’m _ apparently part of his inner circle.”

She couldn’t help it; she smiled. “I guess you’re his ohana now.”

“But  _ why?  _ For the last three months, he’s been ignoring me, leaving me out, basically giving me a hard time every time I offered any shred of opinion or assistance. So—what happened? What flipped the switch for him to go from  _ Danny is a pain in my ass, _ to  _ I’d trust him to the ends of the earth? _ Because as far as I can tell, he doesn’t have any more  _ evidence _ than he did yesterday.” 

She managed to resist rolling her eyes, but she did reach out and touch his knuckles with hers. That finally made him look up.

“Well, I met the guy for all of two minutes, but I think you’ve told me enough about Steve that I can draw some conclusions about how he feels about you.” She raised her eyebrows. “And all I can say is, if you honestly don’t know the answer to that question, you’re a lot less observant than I thought you were.” 

His eyes went rounder than donuts. For a moment, she thought Danny was going to stand up and bolt out the door. Then he swallowed, and gave her a tiny, distressed nod. She nodded back.

“How about I get you another?”

He let out a shaky breath. “Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x08 Mana'o.


	12. Instincts

“All right. Everybody has their positions.” Auntie Lottie fixed each of them with a firm look. “Don’t worry about trying to communicate with the Thai protesters. Nae Shan knows who you are. You’re there to keep the General’s son safe, not to interfere with the adults’ responsibilities. If plans change, stay clear of the General and his motorcade. No contact with identified Order members, and  _ no weapons.  _ That means leave the knife at home, Brenna.” 

Brenna had the good grace to look penitent, although Ashley knew she would absolutely have brought the knife, and might still. Jack rolled up the diagram of the downtown square, marked with details of where police and security would be during the protest, and stashed it in the dish cupboard. 

“All right. Jack, you and Brenna head downtown now. Ashley, Father’s  _ hale _ will be here at eleven-thirty to—” Lottie paused, watching impatiently as Ashley checked her phone. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Ashley muttered, “just a customer wanting lunch. I’m going to open up, all right? It’s past eleven.”

Lottie frowned. “Your customers have your cell phone number?”

She waved Lottie off. Auntie didn’t like cops any more than her father did, but she knew, if it came to a confrontation about Danny, that Vovó would be on her side. There would be no contest. Regardless of gender, seniority counted for a lot in their family. 

Danny arrived minutes later, looking a little more frantic than his text had indicated. She let him in the front door, glancing around outside to make sure none of the rest of the family were there to complicate things.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t believe I was so stupid,” he moaned. He didn’t even bother pacing, he just came right to the bar and gripped the edge for support. 

“What did you do this time?”

“I had a picture of Grace tucked in the—the flappy thing that covers the sun…”

“Flappy thing.”

“You know, in the car, above the steering wheel. Except Steve always drives when we’re together, and he flaps it down, and—and Grace’s picture is there, and there’s a postcard from Jenny, and he just  _ picks it up, _ and he’s trying to tell me what a crappy place Jersey is, and all I can think is  _ please, god, do not turn it over and read it.”  _ He hid his face in his hand, smothering his groan in his palm. “I don’t even know what I said to him. Some nonsense about musicians from Jersey. Anything to distract him.” 

She winced, handing him his rice and poi and sausages. “Did it work?”

“Well, he didn’t read the postcard, at least, although now he thinks I’m a crazy fanboy for Bon Jovi.” He sighed. “I can’t stay long. You should avoid downtown, though, there’s this protest about some general we’ve got coming in today.” 

Ashley considered mentioning the list of human rights offenses General Pak had authorized, but decided it wasn’t worth complicating Danny’s afternoon with more information. “What did the postcard say?”

He opened the leather folio and slid the postcard out from behind some papers. It showed a nondescript urban skyline with the words  _ New Jersey _ written on it in large letters. 

“Danny,” he read in a tense voice, “I understand why you had to go. Grace needs you as much as she needs Rachel, I’m glad you’re together. The girls and I miss you so much. Dave would never say but he’s a w-wreck without you.” He pressed his lips together and breathed hard for a long moment before going on. “You’re in our thoughts every day. Call any time. Love, Jenny.” He held it up between two fingers, grimacing. “Suffice it to say that is  _ not _ going back in the car.” 

She sighed. “I really think you’d feel better if you just told Steve about them.” 

He snorted. “That’s a big  _ no.  _ Trust me, he gets a whiff of my dating history, I can say sayonara to anything easy between us again.”

“That was not  _ dating, _ Danny.” She pointed at the postcard. “It was a committed ten years of your life, and kids, and—come on, Steve loves Grace. You said so yourself. He would adjust.” The terrified look he gave her made her add, “At least give him some context. You could tell him something about Jenny and Dave. You don’t want to be making things up to cover up your past. Right?”

“Yeah, no. Of course.” He drummed his fingers on the bar. “Except part of me thinks it’s better not to open up the door for questions? If I introduce them as  _ my buddies from Westfield,  _ that’s when it’s going to get complicated. I haven’t said word one to Steve about Rachel, other than what he’s overheard when we argue about custody. And the two of us aren’t even  _ in _ a relationship anymore.” His shoulder sagged. “Goddamn instincts of his. He probably already knows something’s up, even if he doesn’t know what it is.” 

“So… figure out what you’re willing to tell him in advance, rather than getting caught in a situation like this again?” She gave him an expectant look, and he nodded reluctantly. 

“Which means I have to think about it, and I’m totally not ready to do that.”

It was somewhat of a surprise to hear Danny admit that, even under duress, but she just nodded agreement. 

“Okay.” He gathered himself up, chewing his lunch with renewed determination. “As if this whole day weren’t already pissing me off. Steve has an old SEAL team member in town, providing protection for this mass-murdering dirtbag general, and he’s the most annoying guy on this earth. I’ve already heard enough special ops vocabulary to last me the rest of the year.” 

“Have you heard about any threats on his life?” Ashley asked, trying to make it sound casual.

“No, but I might make one.” Danny snickered. “Oh, you’re talking about the general. Nothing concrete, but of course there’s talk. Seriously, who brings their wife and son to a climate summit?”

She got Danny out the front door just in time to hear her father and his  _ hale _ enter through the back, speaking in Hawaiian too rapidly for her to understand; something about trolley drivers and setting up a perimeter around the city square. There was no expectation of her knowing all the details about any specific plans; there never would be. 

_ It’s how we keep one another safe, _ her Vovô had explained to her long ago, before she’d been allowed to have her own tasks. It had always been a reassuring thought, even after she realized what he’d really meant was  _ it’s how you maintain deniability when they try to torture it out of you. _

It wasn’t unusual to have a lot of movement in and out of the bar on the day of a complex task, often with various family members dressed in delivery and service uniforms. It was the way they were able to remain invisible even among other kama’aina. Ashley still felt conflicted by the amount of institutionalized sexism, classism, and racism they relied on to get their tasks done, but even Auntie Lottie, who was the toughest tita she knew, played the game, and would give anyone the stink-eye who tried to convince her it wasn’t necessary. 

_ Sometimes you don’t understand why traditions are important, _ she told Ashley once,  _ until it’s too late.  _

Ashley’s primary task was to run the bar, provide access for deliveries, and to maintain the polite fiction that nothing unusual was going on, even though many of her regulars were aware on some level or another that her family was engaged in questionable activities. It actually helped that at first glance, Jack easily passed for a gang member, no matter what a wimp he actually was. 

When her phone started to blow up later that evening, she knew something had to have gone wrong. She was about to switch the television to local news when Jack came tumbling in with two of Father’s  _ hale _ , his face ashen. 

“The trolley,” stuttered Jack. “Tua was driving, and—he hit a woman. They took him to the police station. I think she’s dead.” 

But when they turned the television on, they couldn’t find any mention of the woman who’d been hit. General Pak’s arrival was the top story, but there was no reference to the police chase through the city square, or who’d been running. 

“Somebody told them to keep it quiet,” Ashley murmured. 

Jack looked wrecked, but when she tried to put a hand on his arm, he jerked away. Ashley knew it could have been for any number of reasons, and they all made her feel miserable. 

With some trepidation, she texted Danny.  _ What’s going on with the General?  _

When there was no response, she tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail. She got the same response for the rest of the evening. 

There was no clear picture of the General’s status from any of the local news channels, though there was talk of “a possible delay.” Jack was useless, and none of the usual providers of local gossip seemed to have any idea what was going on. All Ashley could do was rotate between the same three channels and bite the inside of her lip and keep checking her phone.

It wasn’t until the eleven o’clock news hit that Ashley heard any mention of an armed conflict on a street in the Kapahulu neighborhood. They didn’t attribute it to any particular issue, but the footage included lots of flashing lights and a reference to an apprehended subject. 

Half an hour later, she got a reply to her text:  _ No comment. _

_ Eat a dick, _ she sent back, with a wash of relief. 

To which she got a series of exclamation points,  _!!!!, _ which she had to imagine meant something like “What the hell” or possibly “Sure, I’ll do that.” It made her smile, at least, and she was able to stop stalking the news stations and move on.

The next day, when the news reported that General Pak had been safely removed to a secure site, where he was planning to testify against his chairman and the Sandimar military junta, she could only shake her head. Part of her was glad not to know the details, but an even bigger part was dying to hear what had really happened. 

But Danny didn’t come that day, either, or the one after that. When he finally did walk in the following afternoon, she was about ready to strangle him, or yell, or maybe cry, but of course she didn’t do any of those things. She put a Longboard on the bar and gave him a practiced bartender smile, not too personal, but curious enough to invite conversation. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. 

He gave her a funny smile. “Nobody’s dead, if that’s what you mean. Not even any broken bones. And the General’s family got home safe.” 

“I saw something about that. And that thing two nights ago on the news… you didn’t have anything to do with that, did you?” 

“Yeah, well.” Danny shrugged. “Turns out Steve’s military buddy, he wasn’t so clean cut as he pretended to be. Tried to take out the General, and when that didn’t work, tried to take us all out. Steve got him, though.” 

She wanted to ask about the disappearing woman who’d been hit by the bus and never made the news, but that really would have been giving away too much. Tua had been released from police custody eventually, and he hadn’t been charged with anything, not even reckless driving, which really seemed improbable. Not that anyone in the family was about to question it.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” 

His smile lingered. She looked a little closer. 

“Danny, what—?”

“It’s nothing,” he assured her, but she shook her head, laughing in surprise, and he laughed, too. “Um, okay. Maybe it was something? I don’t know.”

She beckoned. “Tell, tell!”

“Well, Steve, after everything was over, he admitted that  _ he _ was wrong about his buddy, and  _ I _ was right. Which I thought was pretty big of him, considering his friend was a former SEAL. And he asked me out for a beer.” He put up a forestalling hand at her exclamation. “Hang on. This is a thing he does, he says,  _ Longboards are on me, _ and then he forgets his wallet. So I called him on it.” He shook his head. “And he said,  _ Okay, let’s make it a date.” _

She raised her eyebrows. “Really.”

“Yeah, that was my reaction. He could have said  _ Okay, you pay, _ or even  _ Let me go home and get my wallet and we’ll meet at Side Street. _ But he didn’t. He said,  _ let’s make it a date. _ So…” He shrugged. 

“Don’t tell me he forgot his wallet anyway.”

“We split the bill.”

Ashley narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you wear a tie?”

“I did  _ not _ wear a tie,” he said, laughing. “Yeah, actually, he commented on that.”

“Jesus, Danny. Are you going to tell me what happened or what? What did you talk about?”

“I don’t know? All kinds of stuff. His mom, Gracie, him growing up in Hawaii, why I decided to become a cop. He didn’t ask about Rachel, and I didn’t offer. I thought it was probably going to feel weird, but it wasn’t. It was just regular.” He relaxed into his smile. “Two… friends, going out for drinks. It was nice.” 

She hesitated a long moment before saying, “Can I ask a possibly embarrassing question?”

“Can I hear it first before I decide if I’m willing to answer it?”

There was nobody else in the bar, but she leaned in closer. “What’s it like being partners with somebody you so obviously find attractive?”

“What makes you—?” His pleasant expression dropped away, leaving bewildered panic for a bare moment, but he regained his composure almost immediately. “I mean… it’s not an issue. Assuming I do… and it’s fine. I don’t really think about it.” 

“Danny.” Ashley looked at him hard.  _ “Everybody _ thinks about it when they look at Steve. Maybe even some of the lesbians. I am not kidding.” 

Danny’s eyes rolled, not dismissively, but like those of a cornered horse. He definitely was not looking at  _ her, _ but he wasn’t trying to deny it anymore either. She pressed her advantage. 

“I mean, it’s not like he’s randomly taking off his clothes or anything…”

“Well,” he gulped. “Sometimes, he does. Has done. Did do. Case in point: last week, to catch another crazy SEAL dude, he decided it was best if he approached by water?” He pointed vaguely in the direction of the ocean. “So he just… stripped, right there in the parking lot by the marina. Ta-da; half-naked military guy. Well, he did leave his pants on, so at least I didn’t, you know. Actually pass out.” He closed his eyes, and he gave a little exasperated shake of his head. “God.”

“I can imagine you using humor to compensate in that circumstance,” she said, nodding sympathetically. “Because, yeah. Whew.”

“It’s easier in the car.” He measured out two spaces in the air with his hands. “Next to, instead of head on.” 

“But when you went out, it wasn’t weird?”

He shook his head, thinking. “No. Which probably means it was just two friends going out for drinks, right?”

“I guess that depends.” 

Danny nodded. Now he was watching her intently. “On what?”

“On what he was doing while you were talking about all those things.” 

“What he was  _ doing?  _ I mean, he wasn’t really doing much other than drinking. And talking.” His eyes went a little unfocused. She waited patiently as he got lost in the Steve of his memory. 

“Did you sit next to him? Or across from him?”

“On a corner. Like—” He made a right angle with his hands. “Kind of next to, but he… he looked at me. When he talked, he looked at me. And when I talked, he still… looked at me.” 

She nodded, watching his expression gradually become more and more overwhelmed. “And did you look back?”

“I might have.” His voice was hoarse. “Oh my god.” 

“No, no, stay with me. You already said he didn’t bring up Rachel. And at any point did you ask him about his good friend, the one in the military, or any other woman?”

“I—no.” Now he looked worried. “Was I supposed to?”

“No! So how did it end?”

“What do you mean, how did it end? I said thanks for the beers and took a cab home.” 

She sighed. “Okay. Last embarrassing question. If he wasn’t your boss, and you still felt the way you do about him, and he still felt the way he  _ obviously _ feels about you—”

“Ash!”

“—how  _ would _ it have ended?”

He opened his mouth to argue and ended up spending several moments thinking this through, his brows furrowed and his breathing uneven. 

She crossed her arms. “Yeah.”

“No,” he protested. “I’m not—that’s not what this is.”

“Oh yeah?” She reached out one hand and flicked him in the middle of his forehead. He didn’t even bat her away. “What happened to those good instincts of yours?”

He closed his eyes. “I think they must have petitioned another country for asylum.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during and following the events in episode 1x09 Po'ipu. 
> 
> The scene in which [Steve strips in the parking lot to go swimming](https://youtu.be/lovux9PFCz4?t=32) happens in episode 1x07 Ho'apono.


	13. Couple

Danny arrived at three-thirty, clearly in a hurry, but she convinced him to sit down and eat rather than taking his sausages to go. 

“I’ve got to get back to work,” he said through a mouthful of rice. “We’ve got fourteen more hours to solve this case before these thieves try to rob another bank.” 

_ “Another _ bank? Is serial bank robbery even a thing?”

“It is, but in this case, it’s not clear what they want with the money. This morning they stole a whole van full of cash and drove the whole thing, cash and all, off the pier.” Danny shook his head in obvious amusement. “We get there this morning and have to go in after it, right? And what does Steve do? He takes off his shirt and jumps into the water with his pants on,  _ again. _ Kono could have done it alone, but no. I told him it was very nice of him to go with the rookie.”

Ashley snorted. “I’m starting to think he just likes taking his clothes off in front of you.” 

_ “I _ think he likes rubbing it in my face that I don’t like swimming,” he retorted. “This heist, it’s definitely convoluted. The robbers shot three delivery guys, killed two of them. The last one’s hanging on, but his wife, she’s terrified. No wonder.” He froze when he noticed her face. “What? What is it?”

She tried to calm her panic and speak in a reasonable tone. “Do you happen to know who the other delivery men were? The ones who were killed?”

“I can’t remember, but I can find out for you? Do you think you might know them?”

“I might. I won’t jump to any conclusions, though. If I do, I’ll find out soon.” She gave him what she knew would be a shaky smile. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no sorry. It’s okay.” He took Ashley’s hands, watching her with that all-consuming concern that was both comforting and baffling. She gave his hands a squeeze before letting go. 

“So you’ve got a lead, then?”

He nodded. “Evidence, strangely enough, points at the thieves being some actual triathletes, a husband and wife team. Which is pretty bizarre when you think about it. I mean, how many husband and wife triathlete thieves do you think there _ are _ out there? I feel like we’re getting into some elite territory here. What’s next? Sibling hockey player embezzlers? Father and son figure-skating stagecoach robbers?” 

It took her a while to stop giggling enough to respond. “I really have no idea. You are very good at that.”

He looked pleased. “Good at what?”

“Distracting people from uncomfortable feelings with humor. No, it’s a compliment. I didn’t think you were doing it out of anything other than genuine goodwill. You want to take anything with you for the road?” 

“I would not say no to some sweet rolls,” he said hopefully, “if your Vovó made any today?”

She went into the kitchen and put the seven rolls she had into a bag. Danny followed, clearly uncertain about entering the kitchen, but he stood in the doorway, watching her spoon some soup into take-away containers. 

“Speaking of uncomfortable feelings,” he said, with a little grimace, “I didn’t tell you about my gaffe this afternoon. This was a beauty. Steve and Kono and I were in this chiropractor’s office, gathering evidence, and rather than going back to the car for a fingerprint kit, Steve went for the vacuum cleaner bag and a feather duster, and… I said,  _ They’ve got a cleaning crew for that, babe.” _ He winced. “I can’t believe I called him that, even accidentally.”

“Hey, he probably didn’t even—”

“Oh, no. He definitely noticed. It was the first thing he said to me when we got in the car.  _ Babe? _ I told him it was payback for  _ Danno. _ Luckily Kono was too distracted by Steve doing his science guy act to care.” He shrugged, taking the bag of food. “Anyway, thank you for the snacks. Hopefully we won’t end up going in guns blazing. A little caution could go a long way with this case.” 

* * *

About an hour later, Ashley got a text from Danny. It wasn’t his usual  _ Are you open yet _ text, so she paused in vacuuming the rug in the sitting room to read it. 

_ You will never in a million years guess where I am. _

_ The ocean, _ she replied.  _ A jail cell. A sex dungeon. _

_ Stop guessing now!! _

She grinned, perching on the edge of her Vovó’s antique couch.  _ You learned how to use capitals and punctuation.  _

_ First of all, apparently I just had to turn the phone sideways to make it possible for my goofy thumbs to do the typing thing. Second, you do not understand the dire nature of my situation. I am in my ex-wife’s house. With Steve. _

_ And why would this be? _

_ For no other reason that she happens to live next door to our perps. What was I thinking?? I want to drown myself in their fifty-seven toilets. _

_ So you did this on purpose? _

_ It seemed like a good idea at the time. Even as I type that I am hating myself. _

“So predictable,” she murmured.  _ You are surveilling the bad guys from your ex-wife’s house, with Steve.  _

_ Yes, and Rachel thinks I’m trying to make a move on her. What the hell?  _

_ Because you’ve never brought a guy home to her before?  _

_ Oh no. This is not that. I am not doing that! _

She laughed and went back to vacuuming, carefully detailing around the baseboards with the attachment, and read his next text when she was done.

_ Ash, she’s married! _

She snorted.  _ Because that mattered so much the first time? _

This time she let him go longer, hearing several texts come in while she vacuumed the staircase. 

_ Now she wants to make him tea. What the hell.  _

_ Apparently he likes tea, who knew. _

_ Well that was uncalled for _

_ Okay, maybe she does think I’m trying to get the three of us together. _

Ashley put the vacuum cleaner away in the hall closet before asking,  _ What did she say?  _

_When Steve asked how many people live next door, Rachel said, ‘A couple,’ and I said, to clarify, Two?_ _And she said, ‘Last I checked, that’s what a couple was.’_

_ Ouch, _ Ashley said, wincing.  _ Yeah, apparently she is not thrilled with your choices. _

_ I will have you know she was just fine with my choices for years, thank you.  _ And then, a minute later,  _ I guess I should not have suggested we play doubles with the couple next door.  _

_ Not unless you wanted her to kick you out, no. Is that a common euphemism? _

_ Now she’s resorting to name-calling. All familiar territory. _

There was a long quiet stretch. Ashley could only imagine they were doing the kind of mind-numbing waiting her own  _ hale _ would do while surveilling a situation, except possibly with more technology. 

_ Nobody’s killed anybody else, have they? _ she asked after a couple of hours.

To her surprise, the phone rang. She answered it. “Danny?”

_ “I’m calling you from the upstairs hallway bathroom. This house is ridiculous. I think there may be a roller rink in the basement.”  _

She could hear the tension in his voice beyond the mock-disgust. “So what’s happening there?” 

_ “It’s exactly what I was afraid was going to happen. Steve started asking questions about Rachel, what happened between us.”  _ He sighed. _ “God, I am really not ready to answer them.”  _

“You know he cares about you.” 

_ “Look, this is not about me, okay, this is about me and three other people, one of whom is a guy and another who is making it perfectly clear she hates my guts. He can care all he wants, but he still might not want to deal with that. _ ”

“He’s asking, though?” she said. “And he’s not giving up. Couldn’t it be possible he does want to deal with that?”

There was a silence.  _ “Maybe.”  _

“Maybe?”

_ “Well… I told him how Rachel and I met, how it just kind of happened, time passed, we moved in together, and she woke up married to a cop? And he said, ‘That’s not such a bad thing.’” _ He paused.  _ “I didn’t know what to say to that.”  _

She grinned. “I guess marriage is not totally off the table for him, then? I kind of got the feeling from what you told me he was pretty anti-commitment.” 

_ “I always thought so,” _ he said softly. He cleared his throat.  _ “Anyway. I should get back to the room with the absurdly large bed.” _

“Hey, sometimes big beds are nice,” she teased.

_ “And believe me, that is a conversation I am not having with Steve. Bye.” _

He didn’t call back that night, though she got one text much later that said,  _ Rachel is pretty smart,  _ to which she did not respond. 

The next morning, earlier than she normally ever heard from him, the phone rang once more.

“You’re getting pretty good with that texting,” she said. 

_ “What, is that better? Should I stick to that? Are phones not for talking anymore?” _

“It’s fine. I might not always answer though.”

He sounded scandalized.  _ “Oh, jeez, I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?” _

“You didn’t,” she promised. “Did you catch the bad, uh, couple?”

_ “Yeah, we did.”  _ He sounded subdued.  _ “Grace even made me a congratulations card at her sleepover. And the third delivery guy, he’s gonna recover. His wife was a million times better as soon as she saw him awake. Didn’t matter how messed up his face was, everything was just fine.”  _

She waited for him to go on, but he didn’t say anything. “That’s good.” 

_ “Yeah, except… Ashley, I checked on the names of the other delivery men, and one of them—” _

“Yeah,” she said. “I know. I heard. The funeral’s on Tuesday.” 

_ “He was your cousin?”  _

“My Auntie’s cousin’s son. They’re all cousins to us. I have a big family.” 

_ “Yeah, you showed me. I am so sorry, Ash.”  _

She wiped her red eyes for the millionth time. “Come on, aren’t you going to distract me with a joke?”

_ “Not really feeling much like joking, sorry.”  _

“Well, at least tell me what’s going on with Steve. Rachel didn’t end up throwing you guys out?” 

_ “No, she was… pretty great, actually. She helped us get the names of the perps, even a fingerprint. I was really proud of her.”  _

“Maybe she doesn’t hate you as much as she claims, huh?”

_ “Maybe not.”  _ He sighed.  _ “Watching the couple together in the hospital this morning, how in love they still were, even after seven years together… it was never like that with me and Rachel. Not even at the beginning. And I still… I miss it. I miss being a family with her and Gracie and... and everybody...”  _ She could hear the way his voice was fracturing.

“Nothing lasts forever,” she said quietly.

_ “Yeah, but whose fault was that? It was mine. I really screwed up, Ash. Giving up what I had, for what? Nights alone and weekends with Grace?”  _

“It doesn’t have to be like that.” 

_ “But it is like that. It’s exactly like that.”  _ He sniffed.  _ “And now, what am I doing? Hiding in my ex-wife’s bathroom? Trying for something stupid and impossible with my partner?” _

“It’s not stupid, and it’s only impossible if you don’t try.” She sat up and put her feet on the ground, finding her balance. “Invite him out for a beer. Make sure he knows it’s a date this time. See how it goes. Come on, you owe him that. Hell, you owe  _ me _ the entertainment value, if nothing else.” 

That made him laugh, at least.  _ “Okay. Yeah. For you, I’ll give it a shot.” _

* * *

At her father’s directive, Ashley kept the bar closed until Wednesday afternoon, after all the relatives from the other islands had gone home. Brenna and Jack helped her clean up all the spare bedrooms and sort the photos of Kaipo they’d displayed at the funeral back into the family photo albums. 

Wednesday night, she found Danny standing on the front step, bearing flowers and looking as solemn as she’d ever seen him. 

“Maybe I should have called first?”

“Hey, no, we’re open.” She beckoned him in and took the flowers, then gave him a hug. “Thanks.” 

“Every time I come in, this place is empty.” He wandered around the room, looking at all of her Vovó’s furniture, the family memorabilia that wouldn’t mean anything to anybody except someone who followed the old traditions. “The only person I ever see from your family here is your brother. Jack, right?”

She nodded. “The rest of them are around lots, too. They just don’t come over when you’re here. Not because of you, just—we’re the ones who run this place. Everybody else has other tasks.”

“Tasks.” He nodded, tasting the word. “I’ve heard you say that before. Not jobs.  _ Tasks.” _

She nodded again, more slowly. 

“I, uh. I read a little about your cousin. Kaipo. Not because I really was looking for anything, but… because I was trying to find out if he was related. I mean, same last name as your grandmother.”

Of course he would know Vovó’s last name. “It’s okay.”

“And your father, he has your last name. He looked… is there a chance I might have met him someplace before?” 

“It’s possible.” She wasn’t going to try to deny it, but she wasn’t going to lead him to it, either. 

She waited, prepared for more questions, but that was all he said about that. When he went to the bar and sat down, she went around to get him a beer.

“I guess you shouldn’t have a drink, huh?”

“Not when I’m working,” she agreed. “I don’t really drink anyway.”

There was another long pause. She sighed, poking his bottle with her finger. 

“Either things went really well, or really not well. Either way, you’d better tell me.”

He grinned at the bar. “I don’t think they went either of those ways. Nothing happened. Not… anything you could point to, anyway.”

“Did you make sure he knew it was a date?”

“Did I say,  _ this is a date?  _ No. But I did pay for it. And… okay, when we left Rachel’s, I said,  _ you want to hit Side Street, it’s on me.  _ He couldn’t get out of there fast enough.” 

She grinned. “That’s one success.” 

“Yeah, I’ll give you one more. After beer number two, he asked me if I really minded it when he calls me Danno. Not a joke, not a challenge, just an honest question. And I said I used to, but now, I didn’t mind it anymore. And he said…” 

He paused as the flush spread from his neck to his ears. 

“What?”

“He said he didn’t mind me calling him  _ babe. _ ” 

“Nice.” Ashley grinned bigger, and he nodded. “That’s a pretty big step he took. Both of you.”

“Yeah, well, let’s see if I ever manage to call him that again. Probably only ever by mistake.” He let out a long, slow breath. “I told him about Dave, too. Not details, just  _ about _ him, him and Jenny and the girls. And I made sure to mix in me and Rachel and Grace, so he’d know… it mattered. It was important.” 

“Was?”

He shrugged, but then he nodded. He didn’t look upset, just a little sad. “Yeah, was. I really can’t see myself going back to them again, not with… everything that’s happening here.” 

She considered letting him off the hook with that one, but decided it had just gone too far for that. “Everything that’s happening with Steve, you mean.”

He nodded again, like he was in a daze. “Yeah. There’s definitely stuff happening there. I think for both of us.” 

Ashley had already cried enough that weekend to last her a month. She knocked the irritating tears aside with her arm. “Do you think he’s aware of it? I don’t mean is he going to talk to you about it, I just mean—does he  _ know _ it’s happening?”

“I honestly have no idea. Sometimes, the way he looks at me, it’s like… he’s got to know  _ something. _ But that’s really not the kind of thing you want to be wrong about, huh? It’s not like I could just leave, if things don’t turn out to be… what I think they are.” 

“You can,” she said. “You could get another job. You could leave him.” 

He thought about that. His face twisted as he looked at the ceiling, his own eyes glistening. 

“I am not sure that is true,” he said, his voice matter-of-fact. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x10 Heihei. 
> 
> Rachel [really does get snarky about the definition of “couple” in this scene](https://youtu.be/wKF0bz_1oOI?t=197).


	14. Engage

“Chin and Steve aren’t going to be back from diving until eleven.” Danny gritted his teeth. “I can’t handle this.” 

“Yes, you can,” Ashley said without looking up from the balance sheet. 

“But what if they’re talking about—”

“I told you.” She pointed. “You can sit on the couch, or you can go home. Your choice.” 

Danny directed his offended glare at the wall, which didn’t say anything. Ashley went back to double-checking the figures for the last accounting period. 

This time he made it a whole three minutes before starting to mutter to himself again. 

“I swear to god, Danny…” 

“I’ll go,” he said, standing. “I’ll—take a walk.” 

She put her pen down with a sigh. “How about we both take a walk?”

He watched helplessly as she picked up her sweater and followed him to the door. She just escorted him outside and pointed him toward Nuuanu, which led under the overpass to his rental house. 

They made their way along the road, which at this time of the morning was mostly quiet. Danny focused on the pavement.

“He’s probably not saying anything to Chin Ho. About… this.” 

“And even if he does,” she stressed, “it’s okay.” 

He shook his head in irritation. “It’s okay? It’s _not_ okay. It’s going to make everything weird.” 

“Danny, you’re arguing with the air.” He wasn’t tall, but she still had to take a couple of extra steps to keep up with his rapid pace. “This is the thing: when there are other people involved, you’re not one hundred percent in control. Steve will talk to whomever he wants to. And don’t you trust Chin Ho?”

“Of course I trust him. It’s not about that. Just—what if Steve’s telling Chin about something he’s thinking, something he hasn’t told me, and then Chin knows it and I don’t? And then they _both_ know it and I’m the one who’s left wondering?” He made a frustrated growl. “God. And I thought women were confusing.”

“Oh, no. You leave gender out of it. People are confusing. People who don’t talk to one another are especially confusing.” She kicked his ankle with her toe, and he tripped on the sidewalk. “People like the two of you.”

“What do you think I would _say_ to him?”

“Seriously, Danny, I thought staring at one another wistfully across tables was something people outgrew. Like, after middle school.”

“Did I ever say the word wistful?” he snapped. “Wistful is for—for looking at classic cars. This is a totally different aesthetic.” 

“Okay, so what _is_ it like?”

He didn’t say anything for a good ten paces. She wrapped her thin sweater more tightly around her, shivering in the morning breeze. 

“Come on. I’ve seen the two of you together for all of two minutes, months ago. I need more context. What’s it like?”

“Just, give me a second, will you?” He didn’t sound upset, just uneasy. “It’s like… when you’re playing the hand slap game.” 

“The what?”

“You know, the game where you hold out your hands palm up and the other person holds out their hands palm down?” 

He stopped on the empty road and held out his hands, palms up. With some suspicion, Ashley hovered her hands above his. Then, before she could pull away, Danny slapped both of her hands. 

“Ow.” She shook her head. “That’s not much of a game.” 

“Well, that’s true. The rule is, you’re not allowed to pull away before they start to engage. It’s as much a game of observation as it is a game of reflexes. You get so you can see somebody telegraph their move before they make it. I got really good at it. You try. Go on.” 

This time she held her hands palms up, and he hovered his hands above hers. She made a tiny movement, and he made a tiny one back, grinning. When she finally tried to actually slap his hands, they were nowhere to be found. 

“Okay,” she said, somewhat grudgingly. “That’s pretty good. So who’s the slapper, you or Steve?”

“I think that’s part of what we’re trying to decide.” He considered this for another several paces as they walked. “I’m watching him for cues, and he’s watching me watch him, and it’s very…” He gestured in the air.

“Hot?” she suggested.

“No! I was going to say _tense.”_ He jammed his hands in his pockets. “Energy-consuming. It’s a long time to be waiting, watching, to find out if I’m supposed to be the one slapping, or if he—” He glared at her grinning face. “Shut up.”

“What?” she said. After another few paces, she added, “Which are you hoping for?”

“Oh my god.” Danny wheeled away from her. 

“Look, you’ve had sex with enough guys that you’ve got to have a preference.” 

“And you expect me to tell _you_ what it is?” 

They had reached the yard of Danny’s apartment now. She stopped in the middle of the grass, holding up both hands in dual stop signs. “Never mind. You don’t have to say anything.” 

As she glared at him, he glared back for about three seconds before backing down and shifting to an apologetic expression.

“Well… I’m making some assumptions about what you already know.” 

“I’m queer. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not a slur anymore. And I’m a sexually active adult. You can make a rather broad spectrum of assumptions.” She watched him shrinking under her regard. “Well, first of all… I mean, I know he’s big and brawny and everything, but I can definitely imagine Steve preferring to—get slapped.” 

Danny went a little wavy. Ashley reached out and grabbed his elbow. He stared at it a minute. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He sat down carefully at the picnic table, then gazed up at her, blinking in confusion. “You… can see that, huh?”

“What, you can’t?”

“Well.” He coughed. “Honestly, now I’m having trouble seeing anything _else.”_

She knelt down in the grass so that she was level with his eyes. “Danny, you are going to have to talk to him about this. You can’t wait for one of you to—to start playing the game. Not indefinitely. Something’s going to have to give, and if you don’t act, it might not end up the way either of you want it to be. Either the wrong person will do the slapping because they’re scared nothing will happen if they don’t…” When his gaze started to slide away, she caught it again and held it. “Or he’ll get bored and give up.” 

He let out a little hysterical laugh. “Yeah, no. You don’t know Steve and games. He’ll _never_ give up, not until he’s figured out the rules, developed a strategy, and won the world championship.” 

“That bodes well for some, um, _vigorous_ slapping, then?”

Ashley wondered if she needed to be worried about Danny hyperventilating. She touched his knee, and he closed his mouth.

“So, okay. I’m starting to understand. You’re in a holding pattern.” She watched him nod. “And you’re not making the first move because… you’re afraid of what he’ll do.” Another nod. “And maybe you’re willing to be—well. _Flexible,_ about who does the slapping.” 

He paused, avoiding her eyes, and then nodded again.

“So are you worried, if you make the first move, that he might get the wrong idea about that? That he’ll think you wouldn’t—”

“Ash.” He held up a hand, looking exhausted. “Just stop. I know you’re trying to help, but… I really don’t think I can do this. I can’t have this conversation.”

“With me or with him?” 

“With _anybody._ I am not _equipped_ to say the words you think I should say.” He leaned back against the picnic table, shaking his head. “No.”

She stood up, dusting off her knees. “Jesus, Danny. This is relationship 101 stuff. How in hell did you start things with Dave and Jenny?”

“Wine,” he said. “Lots of wine. Not a lot of talking.” 

“And you honestly think that’s the only option?”

He didn’t reply. She turned around and started walking east. 

“I’m sorry,” he called after her. 

“Not the words I’m looking for,” she called back.

* * *

Danny came in again that afternoon, dressed in his work shirt and tie. 

“He likes _soft rock,”_ he said, with no preamble. “You know, the truth is, I don’t know if he really likes it, or if he just likes to mess with me. I mean, come on, does anybody really like soft rock?”

She shrugged. “Maybe it’s a stress reliever?”

He nodded, watching her face. “So, uh, if _I’m sorry_ aren’t the right words, I honestly don’t know which ones are. Do I maybe get a hint? Can I call a lifeline?” 

“You don’t have to apologize for anything.” 

She didn’t offer him a beer. He stood there for a long moment, shuffling his feet. 

“Look, I’m—I’m bad at this,” he said plaintively. “This talking stuff. And, okay, maybe it’s not about me being a guy, but my guess is, Steve’s just as bad as I am, if not worse. We are both used to letting someone else do the conversation-starting.” 

“But that’s not true at all,” Ashley pointed out. “You talk all the time. You talk about work, about your lives, even about your feelings. Don’t tell me you aren’t used to talking.” She cocked her head. “Tell me what you talked about today, in the car.” 

“Uh—” He paused. “Well, um…”

“Come on. We’ve established you’re not going to embarrass me.”

“No, it’s… we were talking about having to tell a surviving family member about… somebody who’d died.” 

It was just unexpected enough that she found herself blinking and biting her lip. He sighed.

“Sorry. For real, that time. Okay, we do talk about a lot of things. Even feelings sometimes. But it’s almost always in the car, or with the aid of alcohol, and I think you’ve established that’s not exactly ideal.”

“That’s not what I meant. Look, Danny, I run a bar, of course I know it’s easier to talk with a little lubrication. But if that’s the only way you can bring yourself to deal with your feelings for him, it’s not really going to lead to successful dialogue.” She gave him a pointed look. “Or safe sex.”

“Whoa, whoa.” He backed away. “Whole other topic.”

“Not according to what you told me about Dave and Jenny.” 

He frowned, clearly disgruntled. She gestured to his usual seat.

“You in a hurry?”

“No, we’re waiting on the victim’s autopsy.” He sat down, still watching her warily. “You’re not going to make me talk about the slap game again, are you?”

She grinned. “I’m of the opinion if you can’t talk about it, you have no business doing it. I’m not referring to playing the slap game. Also? Making women manage the hard emotional conversations for you, that’s a crappy way to run a relationship.”

He shifted uncomfortably on the stool. “You mean, like… what we’re doing right now.” 

“No, I mean—” She paused and thought about it. “Okay, maybe, a little bit. But I’m not talking about us. I mean, for one thing, you’re paying me. For the beer, anyway. And I _like_ talking to you.” 

“Yeah!” Danny agreed with enthusiasm. “Yeah. I like talking to you, too.” He looked equally perplexed. “The truth is, I like talking to Steve, too, as much as he drives me crazy sometimes.” 

“But it’s kind of scary, huh?” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “You get stuck, and you can’t—engage?”

Danny snorted, and when she giggled, he grinned. “Something like that.”

“Okay, so maybe you need a cheering section.” She touched the bar. “Bring him here. I promise, I won’t say anything, but maybe it would help you to know somebody’s on your side? And you’d be sitting next to him, so you wouldn’t have to feel so cornered. Like you said, sometimes it’s easier to talk when you’re next to somebody instead of face to face, right?”

He started with a wrinkled nose, like he’d smelled something bad, but within ten seconds, he was nodding. “That’s actually a pretty good plan. I mean, if you wouldn’t mind?”

She shrugged. “Unless you think you’d rather try for couple’s therapy?”

* * *

The bar wasn’t empty the evening Steve and Danny walked through the door. Steve glanced around with a look of recognition. 

“Hey, I remember this place. Where I got the picnic for Mary.” He nodded. “Nice.” 

Danny didn’t say hello as he pulled up a seat at the bar, and Ashley used all her tricks to make herself irrelevant, leaving a menu on the bar beside two glasses of ice. When Steve held up a hand and said, “Two Longboards,” he didn’t even make eye contact. She was pretty sure he didn’t recognize her. 

“So what do you think it means?” Danny said quietly, like they were in the middle of a conversation—which, of course, they were. 

Steve sighed, taking a drink from the bottle. “I think it means a lot of things. That it was a homicide, first of all, and that it wasn’t a secret. If that’s how it was classified, other people knew it too. And if the file is missing, then either somebody else is looking into it, or they’re trying to cover it up. Or both.” 

“Well, whatever’s going on, we are going to figure it out, okay? We’ll get to the bottom of it. I still have friends in the department, even if Chin Ho doesn’t, and we’ll figure out what’s happening with your mom’s missing file.” 

Steve nodded again. He tapped his bottle against Danny’s. “Thanks, partner.” 

Danny wasn’t the only one who was attuned to small cues in others’ behaviors. Ashley spent every night watching her customers respond to one another, and seldom did their interactions involve eye contact. She usually knew when it was time to break up a fight before it started, or when somebody was ready for her to call a cab. She watched Danny’s face light up at Steve’s bottle tap, and the way he shifted a fraction closer, and Steve’s equivalent shift toward Danny, and kept her smile in check.

“Man, that poor couple today,” Steve said. “That guy, getting capped on his honeymoon. Not one person believed in their relationship, not even his mother. Can you imagine running five thousand miles just to start over?”

Danny cleared his throat. “Heh. Yeah. Well, you have to admit, it was an improbable pairing. She was, what, an eight at least?” 

Steve’s eyebrows drew together, just a little. “Danny, it’s not okay to give women hotness number ratings. They’re not competing in the Olympics.” 

“Well, excuse me, Mr. Sensitive.” Danny’s look of astonishment was muted, but no less obvious. “Do you see any women around here to complain?” 

“Pretty sure that’s not how integrity works.” Steve took another drink. 

Now Danny looked completely baffled. “What?”

“Integrity. It means you do it because it’s the right thing, not because somebody’s listening.” 

“What, are you saying I don’t have integrity?”

“No, I’m saying maybe you think it doesn’t count because it’s just me listening. That’s all.” 

“So you’re going to tattle on me? Is that how it works? I say something inappropriate and suddenly I’m on the naughty list?”

Steve’s minuscule sigh echoed the one Ashley found herself making. As she relaxed her clenched jaw, Steve shook his head once. “Never mind.” 

Danny’s fingers tightened on his bottle. As he drank, Ashley got two more from the refrigerator on the bar and set them up between them. Danny handed her his empty with an appreciative nod. She nodded back, keeping her face neutral. 

“To be fair,” he said, all casual, “I shouldn’t make any assumptions about what other people find attractive.” 

Steve gave his head a minute tilt. “Love might actually be that blind, huh?”

Danny shrugged. “Depends on what you’re looking for in the first place. Everybody has a type, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Steve still sounded calm, relaxed, even, but Ashley was beginning to think that maybe he always sounded that way. Danny, on the other hand, was fidgeting with his beer, the napkin, his shirt, anything. She caught his eye and gave him a little eyebrow nod. Danny took a deep breath.

“You, uh, remember I told you about my friends in Jersey?”

“Yeah, Dave and Jenny.” 

Danny blinked. “You remember—? What am I saying, of course you remember their names.”

“You talked about them yesterday, in the car, right? You told me about when Dave’s dad was shot in the line of duty, right after the twins were born.” He waited for Danny to nod confirmation. “What about them?”

“They’re, I guess, another improbable pairing. Jenny, she’s a beauty, all curves, outgoing type, and Dave’s real quiet, introspective. Tall.” She watched his eyes go soft, the way they always did when he talked about Dave, and he chuckled. “Rachel really had a thing for him.” 

“Rachel? You mean your ex-wife? She and Dave, they went out?” He groaned. “Oh, man, don’t tell me she left you for your best friend.” 

“No, no, it wasn’t—no.” Danny looked like he was edging toward shutting down, but before she could decide what to do about it, he visibly took hold of himself and shook his head. “They went out, and me and Jenny, we went out. And all four of us… went out.” 

Both of Steve’s eyebrows went up and stayed on his forehead. “Oh. Huh.” He looked almost impressed. “Really. You and Jenny, and Rachel and Dave?”

“Yeah.” That was a sigh. “And, uh, me and Dave.” He took a drink.

Steve turned in his seat and stared at Danny, his mouth ajar. “For real?”

Danny nodded. He met Steve’s incredulous gaze. “For ten years.” 

“No shit,” Steve murmured. Then he turned back to the bar, processing this new data, and reached for the second Longboard. “He’s a US Marshal, right?” 

“Yeah. Now he’s working at the state Supreme Court, judicial security and asset forfeiture. He stopped traveling as much after Emily and the twins were born.” 

“Emily.” Steve’s brow was smooth again, his hands relaxed. “She’s the oldest?” 

“Eleven. Nicest girl you ever met. She and Grace, they’re thick as thieves.” 

“I bet. Ten years, that’s her whole life, right there.” He frowned. “Rachel left you because of them? Left all of you for Stan?”

“Well, now, that’s a good question.” Danny wasn’t fidgeting anymore. His words were coming easily; he sounded like his usual acerbic self. “She said she wanted a more traditional relationship, but if you ask me, it wasn’t for herself, it was because she was sick of trying to hide it from the parents at Grace’s school. She didn’t want to explain why Jenny was always picking Grace up.” 

“So nobody knew about you guys?” He shook his head, clearly amazed. “For ten years?”

“Well, not _nobody._ My family, they knew. Not that they approved, but they pretended they did. It would have been hard to hide something like that from them. And Dave kept it quiet at work, but my training officer, Rick Peterson, he found out, two years in. Threatened to have me fired.” 

“What, because of you and Dave?” He scowled. “Prick.” 

“Tell me about it,” said Danny, relief spreading across his face as he grinned. “Yeah, and he was a dirty cop, make no mistake. He’s still doing time for making some unfortunate choices.” 

“That’s a shame.” He gestured with his beer bottle. “You know, my sister, Mary, she’s bisexual.” 

“Is that right?” If Danny was surprised to hear the word _bisexual_ come out of his partner’s mouth, he didn’t show it.

“Yeah, she came out in high school. It’s never been a problem, not to me. I mean, I love her just the same. It doesn’t make any difference. To me.” 

Danny nodded. “That’s… that’s good to hear. I’m glad.” He paused. “Oh—but your dad?”

“Yeah, he… he wasn’t so thrilled about it. Not that they got along all that well before she started dating women.” Steve shrugged. “Grace, she misses them? Dave and Jenny and the girls?”

“Well, she doesn’t say, but you know she never would complain. She’s a good kid.” 

“She is. A real good kid.” Steve was looking at Danny now, not full on, but out of the corner of his eye, concern wrinkling his brow. “I bet they miss you too.” 

He didn’t say _I bet you miss them,_ but _I bet they miss you._ Danny didn’t speak, but he nodded. Steve sighed. 

“That stinks. I understand why you came to Hawaii, though.” 

“Yeah?” Danny hunched a little lower over the bar. “That makes one of us.” 

“Well, the three girls back in Jersey, and their parents, they’ve still got each other. Grace, she only has Rachel. She needed you, too.” 

Danny opened his mouth and left it there for a moment. Then he said, “Well, there’s Stan.” 

“Yeah,” said Steve, dismissively, “but he’s not _ohana.”_

Danny laughed. “You haven’t even met the guy.” 

Steve grinned. “Do I have to?” When Danny laughed harder, he nodded in satisfaction. “That’s what I thought.” 

When it came time to pay the tab, Steve made a show of feeling for his wallet. Danny shook his head in mock disgust. 

“Don’t even bother pretending.” He handed Ashley two twenties, and when she handed him back the change, he tucked a ten under one of the empty bottles. 

Steve looked her full in the face and gave her a smile. Without hesitation, he said, “Thanks for the beers, Ashley. Would you mind calling me a cab?” 

“No problem, Steve.” She smiled back. “Hope to see you again soon.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x11 Palekaiko.


	15. Sour

Danny was more than a little preoccupied when he stopped in that afternoon. Ashley waited until she was sure he wasn’t going to disclose on his own to prompt him. 

“What’s on your mind? Work or pleasure?”

“Work today.” He hesitated only a moment before adding, “The guy who killed Steve’s father, he’s on the island.” 

“Wait, didn’t you tell me Steve shot that guy in the chest? Fell into the water and drowned?”

She hoped it was convincing enough. More than once, she’d considered petitioning her father to let her disclose Victor Hesse’s location, but she had to assume 5-0 would figure it out eventually. Hesse was about as far from subtle as arms dealers came. 

“Unless he’s got a twin brother.” Danny shrugged, toying with his beer. “I’ve got to head back over to Halawa to offer better incentives to somebody who can tell us where he’s staying. Real lowlife, but he’s proven useful in the past.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What kind of incentives?”

“Don’t give me that look,” he moaned. “I’m talking candy bars and cigarettes, not sexual favors.” 

“Yeah, I doubt those will be enough, though. What’s his weakness?”

He thought for a moment, then said, “Well, he’s kind of obsessed with looking good.”

“Some nice clothes, maybe?”

He nodded. “Yeah, after those orange coveralls, that might do it.” 

He’d given her more than enough reason to follow him. As soon as Danny was out the door, she put in a call to Auntie Lottie to schedule a visit of her own to Halawa. Finding someone in prison to visit wasn’t hard; the trick was finding someone who was low-risk and available for visiting at the same time as Danny’s interviewee--and she already had a guess about who  _ that _ might be.

* * *

Lottie set her up to visit with Ekewaka, who happened to be doing two years in Halawa for fraud. It was a little awkward making small talk with her ex while she waited for Danny to show up, but Eke knew the drill. When she glared at him after his first hopeful, “So, are you seeing anybody?” he got the message and stuck to asking about her family. 

Danny came in and sat at the booth in the center. Either he didn’t notice her or ignored her; either one was fine with Ashley. Sang Min was brought in moments later. 

He picked up the black phone with a surly expression and gazed at Danny through the plexiglass. 

“Sweet,” Sang Min said. It didn’t sound like an opinion; rather, like a nickname. She could barely hear his tinny voice through the receiver Danny held to his ear, but her father had taught her to read lips when she was eight. “Back again so soon.” 

“Yeah, I thought we should talk alone,” said Danny. “See if we can come to an agreement without McGarrett.”

“Ah, this a date? ‘Cause it must have slipped my mind.”

“Some asshole steal your engagement calendar?” 

Danny’s tone was far more persuasive and accommodating than she’d heard from him before. It might be his regular cop voice, but somehow she didn’t think so. 

“Left it in my other jumpsuit.” Sang Min finally looked up at him, raised an eyebrow, and snorted. “Don’t suppose you brought me anything?”

“We’ll get to that.” Danny leaned in closer, while Sang Min attempted not to look interested. “You know how this works. Quid pro quo.” 

“What’s my payback?”

Danny considered him, not quite ogling, but definitely evaluating. “How about a new suit? What are you, a 42 regular? I bet you miss looking good.”

“I look good no matter what I’m wearing,” Sang Min scoffed. Then, “40 long. Long everywhere, I’ll have you know.” 

“Mmm.” Danny didn’t look offended. “Figures.”

“And a tube of Brylcream. And a good brush, not the kind with the plastic balls on the ends.” 

Danny gestured expansively. “I aim to please.”

“That’s what I hear.” 

“Catch more flies with honey, right?”

“Depends on what you’re planning to do with that honey, doesn’t it?”

“How about we keep that between us.”

“Don’t you mean between you and your computer whiz? It wouldn’t be so good for you if people found out about just how  _ sweet _ you are on a certain HPD consultant.” Sang Min smirked. “You didn’t think I would find out? I have eyes and ears everywhere.” 

Danny sighed. She could see he was beginning to get antsy. “Yeah, you’re a regular Mr. Potato Head.” 

“Mmm, not so sweet now? Maybe I should start calling you Bitter-Sweet. You haole always leave a bad taste in my mouth.” The tip of his tongue flicked out, and when Danny grimaced, he cackled triumphantly. “You and your hoʻopailua better head home now.”

Before Ashley could escape, Danny was looking around the room in confusion. When he spotted her sitting two booths down with Eke, they locked eyes for one moment. Then he turned back to Sang Min. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said. She guessed it was an honest statement.

“Saw her watching you. But maybe you’re telling the truth. Them hoʻopailua sure don’t want any of their girls to be out without a man to watch them. They’d never trust them with a haole.” He blew her a kiss, and she flipped him the finger. “That’s right, ʻilio wahine. I’ll tell you, Bitter-Sweet, you watch yourself around that crowd. They are bad luck.” He punctuated the word with loud consonants. 

Danny didn’t ask for clarification. He pushed his chair out and stood, while Sang Min stayed where he was, grinning up at him. “I’ll get you that suit.” 

“And the hair products.”

“And the hair products,” Danny echoed. “We’ll pick you up in a couple of hours, and you can introduce me to Kishimoto.”

“Oho, a real date. I’ll tell you what, you bring Spicy with you. The three of us, we’d be a taste sensation.” He waggled his tongue at Danny as the guard drew him to his feet. “Aloha, Bitter-Sweet.”

Eke watched warily as Danny walked over to Ashley. She glared at him, turning up the tita attitude as high as it would go.

“What you want with me, haole?” she demanded.

“Just making sure you don’t need any help, miss.” 

“How d’you like that,” Eke sneered. “Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas. HPD is coming to town. He’s going to help you out, Ash. More like helping himself.” He made a threatening gesture, which had zero effect on Danny, seeing as it was behind plexiglass. “Fuck off, cop. She’s taken.”

Danny’s eyebrows ran all the way up to his forehead. She could tell he was trying not to laugh.

“I did my community service, brah,” she said, holding up both hands in surrender. Eke snickered. 

“If you say so.” Danny gave Eke a look that made him mutter something under his breath, but he didn’t move from his seat, which was lucky for him. The guard behind him was already glaring at them. Danny headed out the door.

“What was  _ that _ about?” Eke said, in his regular anxious voice.

“He’s got our backs.”

His eyes widened. “Your father’s okay with a haole on the payroll?”

“First of all, we’re not paying him, he’s legit. Second of all, it’s not Father, it’s Vovó.”

“Hey.” He laughed. “That’s another matter, then. I’m sure as shit not gonna argue with Cat.” 

That was the end of it. She said she’d come back and visit in a couple of weeks, and maybe she even would. Eke wasn’t so bad. She might even give dating him another chance, once he made parole. 

She got two texts from Danny shortly afterward, one asking  _ Who the hell was that clown? _ and a follow-up twenty minutes later, saying,  _ Look, there’s no way he’s really your boyfriend, but if he is, I’m sorry, I take it back. _

She sent him a reply,  _ He’s not, at least not right now. And are you starting to make a habit of flirting with all of your informants? You turning vice? _

He didn’t respond for the rest of the night. There was still no answer when she turned on the television the next morning.

It was a breaking news report. She caught the reporter mid-sentence: “… unidentified 5-0 detective was found in the middle of Ala Moana Regional Park wearing a bomb. Officials are not confirming the identity of the organization claiming responsibility—” 

“No, no no no,” she muttered. She switched frantically to the second local channel as the bile rose in her throat. “Come on, come on…” 

She waited through twelve minutes of Christmas commercials to hear the same  _ unidentified, cannot confirm _ statement on 9, 11, and 13, but the last channel showed a distanced shot of somebody crouched on the ground in the park, surrounded by trees and officers. It was too far away to see what color their hair was. 

Ashley paced the length of the bar from end to end, as Danny had done dozens of times, trying to get her brain to think clearly. Waiting to find out more was not an option, but widening the circle of people among the Hawaii police community who knew her by name was a bad plan. And she couldn’t really call Steve; if it  _ was _ Danny out there wearing a bomb, there was no way Steve would take her call—and if it wasn’t, would Steve even care enough to bother answering a number he didn’t recognize? 

Finally she locked the back door, left a message for Jack on the counter telling him to pick up the sausages and take the trash out, and exited out the front, turning the sign to  _ Sorry, We’re Closed.  _ It was true that Danny was her best customer, but neighborhood folks did occasionally drop in, not to mention the rest of her  _ hale. _ It wouldn’t do to have anyone worrying about her. 

The City Express bus couldn’t even get her within 2 blocks of the park because of the police perimeter and the press, but she was happy to stay away from the action and pick up the news from nearby conversation instead. 

“Why don’t they just deprogram it?” the spectator in front of her groused to their companion. “Seems like they could do that.”

“It’s activated by thumbprint,” the second one replied. “You can’t deprogram somebody’s  _ thumbprint. _ They’re all unique.” 

“I hear it’s a hair trigger. One false move, and…  _ boom.”  _ The first spectator made a depressingly illustrative motion with their hands. Ashley tried not to flinch, but the spectator noticed her reaction and shrugged an apology. “Sorry.” 

“Why’d they grab that particular detective, anyway?” Ashley wondered, just casually.

“No reason I know of. He’s been in that position for an awfully long time, though. Must have good knees.” 

_ He.  _ So it wasn’t Kono. Not that Ashley would know if she was a detective or not. She moved in a little closer, trying to see over the crowd of people in front of her, pressing against the police tape and cones, but it was hopeless, at least for someone who was only 5’7”. Then there was a minor commotion.

“He’s free!” came a call from the front. 

A sigh of relief went over the crowd, the collective tension draining out of them into a mishmash of conversation. A few people applauded. 

Finally, the crowd cleared enough for Ashley to see Danny, leading Chin Ho from the center of the roped-off area toward the parking lot. She immediately turned around and headed back to the bus stop, making sure to avoid the path of every hidden security camera along the way. 

On the bus home, she stared out the window at the red and gold decorations on the street lamps and made a good effort at pretending everything was okay. But when she disembarked, she walked right past the bar and continued down Pauahi to her Vovó’s building. 

Vovó didn’t question why Ashley was standing on her doorstep. She just opened the door and beckoned her in. 

The gated backyard with the forno oven was Ashley’s favorite place in Vovó’s house. She sat on the bench of the picnic table and smelled the bread baking in the oven and assembled her thoughts into something that made sense before attempting to explain.

“I thought Danny might be in trouble today,” she said. “It made me sick. This is the second time it’s happened.”

“Sour stomach,” Vovó said. “Opu huli. Apple cider vinegar for that.”

“Yes, thank you. But how many other times have I thought someone I knew might be in trouble? Fifty, a hundred, more? Why was this so much different?”

“You think he put the cubrant on you?” She was grinning. 

“No, Vovó, he didn’t curse me,” Ashley sighed. “And I’m not in love with him, if that’s what you’re getting at.” 

“You see in him a potential,” Vovó announced. She shaped the air with her hands, not unlike the way Danny did when he talked. “To fill a space in the framework of things, a place no one else can take.” 

“That’s…” She shook her head again, but it was less definite this time. “You know I don’t believe in stuff like that. Fate, destiny.” 

“There is no need for belief when you see the certainty of it.” She nodded when Ashley looked away. “You know it’s true.”

There was no arguing with Vovó when she got like this. “So what do I do?”

“You’ll follow it through to the conclusion. Hold space for him until he can fulfill his own potential.” 

_ His own potential.  _ “How am I supposed to know what that is?”

“Oh, keiki.” Vovó raised her penciled-on eyebrows at Ashley. “You already do. Just watch for it. It’ll speak to you.” 

* * *

“Ho ho ho,” boomed Danny’s voice before he appeared in the doorway. Ashley clapped when she saw his red Santa hat. 

“I would have expected you to go for the full costume,” she said, setting a Longboard on the bar. 

“Yeah, well, I usually do, but it was impossible to find one in my size. Even Kamekono couldn’t scare one up. I ended up drafting everybody to help me adjust a huge one for me to wear for Grace, and even then it was yards more fabric than I was about to wear out of the house. So the hat is all you get. But…” He set a red and green gift bag on the bar. “Merry Christmas.” 

“Mele Kalikimaka to you.” She beamed at him, and he gave her that little nod-bow he did. “Should I open it now?”

“It’s just a little something.” He looked sheepish as she dug into the tissue paper, revealing a remarkably elegant gold purse. 

“I’m speechless.” She smiled wider as she opened it, withdrawing a matching compact mirror and lipstick case. “Okay, who taught you how to shop?”

“Ten years of buying presents for Jenny and Rachel. And lots of failures. I know all the good places to go now, and—this is key—to ask the clerk at the makeup counter what she would want her husband to buy for her.” 

“Damn.” She slung it over her shoulder, modeling it for him. “I’m gonna have to find someone to go clubbing with me, just so I can show this off. I don’t suppose you know any single gay men who like to dance…?”

He held up his hands. “Not it.”

“Worth a try.” She leaned over the bar on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. I totally did not get you anything.” 

“Got a spare ten million?” He grimaced at her expression. “Long story. One I should probably not tell you.” 

“Probably not. But if it’s related to that bomb scare in Ala Moana Park the other day, I’m going to say I already know a lot. Also, I forgive you for not texting me back, because… well, bomb.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been a little busy this week.” He tapped the bar with his beer. “You often know a lot.”

“I hear things. Bartender, you know.”

“No, I think that’s not it.” He was looking at her more closely than usual. It was his detective expression, intense and serious. It made her a little uncomfortable, but she bore it. “So that guy at Halawa…”

“Ex,” she confirmed. She picked up a bar towel and resumed polishing the glassware where she’d left off earlier. “And I think you’re right, he’s kind of a clown. I can do better.” 

“I should say so.” He gave her a reproving look. “Leagues better.”

“Who are you to talk, brah?” 

She watched his eyes go vague. He cleared his throat.

“No progress?” she said gently.

“What kind of progress were you expecting, exactly?”

“Well, I don’t know. After that conversation the two of you had at the bar, I was thinking…” She trailed off as he stared at the bar. “Am I wrong? You still want that?”

“Yeah, and I also know he would shut down like a Windows laptop at any sign of a come-on. Buddies? Check. Partners? Absolutely. Contact below the waist? Not a chance.” 

She frowned. “What happened to  _ something’s happening?” _

“Well, if it was, it stopped after I told him about Dave. Now he’s back to being politely supportive. Which, honestly, is a lot easier to deal with.”

“You tell me that again some other day after he gives you another reason to hope.” She polished the edge of the bar glass she was holding and set it carefully in line with its siblings under the bar. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Sang Min said something about… your family not wanting their women to be out without a man.”

“That’s accurate. I did say they were traditional. We follow some pretty old traditions. Although I end up bending a lot of rules, because my father doesn’t ever want to bring up the fact that I’m trans.” 

“Yeah, about your father...”

She didn’t pause in wiping the next glass. “And then there’s the other thing your snakehead said about me.”

“Well, I did ask Steve later what that word meant, as a matter of fact. He said it meant  _ bitch.” _

“Not that word; the other one. Literally ‘hoʻopailua’ means something that makes you feel like puking.” Ashley tightened her mouth. “It’s the word the criminal underground on the island uses for people like my family.” 

“But… they’re not—” He pointed in a completely unsubtle way toward the place under the bar where her journal was stored. “Your family’s not working for, you know. The Order?”

“No!” She gave him a horrified look. “God, no. My family are the ones who make it hard for the Order.” Then she paused, wincing. “Um. I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, no, that makes sense.” He glanced at the staircase, leading upstairs to the picture gallery. “Your big family.”

She thought quickly. He’d been successfully redirected from asking about her father; she didn’t really want him to remember to ask again. “And _working for_ _the Order_ is a loose enough allegiance that I would say your snitch _is._ If it helps, I don’t think he’s driven by beliefs; he’s just in it for money.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure. You’ve seen the way he talks about women.” His frown intensified. “Now I’m wondering if I should be putting his wife under surveillance.”

She felt herself blanch before she could stop herself. “Sang Min escaped?”

“He helped Victor Hesse leave a party in my car, whether under duress or not, it’s impossible to say. But they’ve worked together before.” Then he looked at her. “What, you think you’re in danger?”

“Not  _ me.” _ She was already drawing her phone out of the pocket of her cutoffs. “Excuse me, I have to make some calls.” 

He didn’t follow her into the kitchen. She thought she was able to keep her voice low enough that Danny wouldn’t be able to hear her, but it was hard to know for sure. 

When she finally returned, he was watching her warily. “Everything cool?”

“I wouldn’t know if it weren’t.” When he raised an eyebrow, she clarified, “We keep the information pretty segmented, to protect kama’aina from being targeted.” 

“To let you finish your tasks.” 

She refused to flinch beneath his focused gaze. “That too.” 

“I’ll tell you what, Ashley, the more I hear about—whatever it is you’re mixed up in, the more I think you were lying about not being in danger.” 

She shook her head, but it felt more like uncertainty than denial. “Which is why you shouldn’t hear more about it.” 

He took a solid look at both exits before lowering his voice and leaning in toward her. “I know you can’t tell me about the legality of it. Can you at least promise me you’d let  _ me _ know if you did find yourself in trouble?”

“No, Danny. I can’t promise you that. I shouldn’t even have your phone number saved.” He was inches away from her now, listening, but she wasn’t going to raise her voice. “The whole point of not drawing attention to ourselves is that malihini underestimate us. Things go sour, maybe it shows up on page four of the local newspaper, but otherwise, nobody else is put at risk.” 

He stared at her. “You’re saying, if something happens to you, I’m not allowed to pursue it?”

“I’m saying if you do, you jeopardize plans already set in motion. Plans I don’t even know about.” 

Danny clearly did not like that answer, but after a brief internal struggle, he nodded. Whatever he’d resigned himself to, she wouldn’t know—which was the way it should be. It was small comfort, but she nodded back. 

“We don’t have to be friends,” she added. “I mean, it would be safer for everyone if we weren’t.” 

“What, are you crazy?” he said scornfully. “That’s not how it works. You want me to stay out of family affairs, fine, but let’s be real: I’m going to keep showing up here for sausages until you pry them out of my cold dead hands.” 

She grinned despite herself. “It’s good to be clear about your real motivation.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x12 Hana 'a'a Makehewa.


	16. Irrelevant

Danny walked into Pokiki with a woman at the height of happy hour. She had a bandage on her temple and a bruise on her neck. He clearly looked nervous to hear the raucous locals gathered in the sitting area by the stairs, but they paid Danny no mind. Ashley knew they recognized him by now and considered him safe. 

He led her to the bar. “Ashley, allow me to introduce you to Mary McGarrett.” 

“Ah, Steve’s sister, visiting from the mainland.” Ashley smiled at her. “I hear you had a pretty exciting last couple of days.”

“Sure, if you call being kidnapped exciting. I guess I’ve never been in the trunk of a car before.” But Mary was grinning back. “How do you know Steve?”

“I don’t, not really. I’m Danny’s bartender.” 

“I can see that. You want to be my bartender, too?” Mary tapped the bar with the flat of her hand imperiously. “Set ‘em up. Hey, Danny, what do you drink, anyway?” 

Ashley waggled a Longboard at Mary. “I got Danny’s order already. You want one too?”

“Hell no. I’m now officially a tourist here. Gimme a chi chi. Assuming you’ve got fresh pineapple juice?”

“Squeezed three minutes from now.” She indicated the kitchen. “Be right back. Only the best for Steve’s sister.”

The bar was quiet enough that Ashley could hear everything they said, loud and clear, from where she sliced the pineapple.

“So I didn’t want to ask you about this in front of Steve,” said Mary, “but he told me about your group relationship.” 

“Oh, is that what we’re doing here? We’re sharing. Isn’t that nice.” Danny sounded more bewildered than annoyed. “You know, because I told him those things in confidence.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody. So do you like my brother?”

Ashley returned in a hurry with the juiced pineapple, but Danny was just staring at Mary.

“Do I—what do you mean?”

“I  _ mean, _ do you want to  _ get in his pants.”  _ Mary’s eyebrows went up and down like Groucho Marx. “Don’t you think he’s hot?”

Danny looked anywhere in the bar except at Mary. “This is not a conversation we should be having.” 

“Oh, no,” said Ashley, drawing up her stool closer to the three of them, “this is  _ absolutely _ the conversation we should be having. Continue.” 

“Everybody falls in love with Steve,” Mary boasted. “All my friends growing up had the biggest crush on him. He could have asked any of them out and they would have said yes. But Steve? He only wanted to hang out with Freddie. Maybe that should have told me something about him.” 

Ashley grinned at Danny. “So he’s not straight?” she asked Mary.

“Look, don’t you think Steve should be the one to choose his own labels?” Even in his short sleeved shirt, Danny definitely looked like he was sweating. “He’s not here to defend himself.” 

“Defend, what are you talking about? I’m trying to get him laid. It’s definitely not the same thing.” 

Danny squinted at her. “Excuse me, for your information, your  _ brother _ is seeing someone. A very nice lieutenant. Who happens to be  _ female. _ ” 

“So?” Mary gave him a perfect  _ duh _ look. “Aren’t  _ you _ the one who was in a group relationship? And anyway, since when has Steve ever been exclusive? Did you ask him?”

“Did I—?” Danny looked between the two of them and shrank back a little. “Technically he is my boss, okay, so there will be no  _ asking _ of any kind.” 

She looked very smug. “I knew you liked him. I bet he would say yes if you asked him.”

There was a long silence as Ashley shook the cream of coconut and vodka together with the pineapple juice and ice and strained it into a margarita glass. 

“Nutmeg on top?” she asked Mary.

“Ooh, interesting.” Mary gave her a conspiratorial look. “I’ll try anything once.” 

Ashley nodded in approval. “I like that attitude.” She glanced at Danny, who sat with the Longboard held loosely in his hand. “This is where you ask her questions, Danny.” 

He didn’t retreat into small talk, as she expected him to do; nor did he resort to humor to deflect. Instead, he turned to face Mary. 

“Would you mind clarifying that statement?”

“There’s a couple of things you should know about my brother.” She nodded as Ashley slid the nutmeg-dusted concoction across the bar on a napkin. “Thanks. First of all, he has very specific views about how the world works. Everything is black and white to him. It’s either true, or it’s not. There’s no room for maybe with Steve.” 

Danny sat there listening, not moving or speaking. To Ashley’s attuned eye, he was practically humming with attention.

“Mmm. This is delicious.” Mary leaned toward him. “Second, everything, and I do mean  _ everything, _ is a tactical op. Until he has it worked out to the last decimal place, he’s not going to move in.” 

“Move in.” Danny’s voice came out a little strangled. “You’re saying he  _ would—?” _

“Well, I can’t say as I’ve seen him bring home a guy, but like I said, I have my suspicions. I mean, we’ve talked. I know how he thinks. It’s definitely not outside the realm of possibility.” She gestured with her drink. “But you would need to give him a clear indication it wasn’t outside the realm of yours, either.” 

“It is definitely outside the realm. Many realms removed from my realm.” He was still gazing at her in hungry fascination. “This is really weirding me out.” 

“Steve dates people he knows. He doesn’t go for randos. He appreciates them real, no makeup, or at least the kind of makeup that looks like no makeup. And even though I would never call him creative, he’s got a good heart.” She gave him a once-over. “And, seriously, you definitely have a crush on him.” 

Danny sat there, more overwhelmed and uncertain than Ashley had ever seen him. Her heart gave a sympathetic twinge. 

“No,” he said at last. “I don’t have a crush on him.”

“Danny,” Ashley began, but he shook his head.

“No, the truth is, I love your brother. I love him, and that’s worth more to me than anything else that could potentially happen or not happen between us. I would never put that at risk. Okay? You’re his sister, and the only family he’s got left. I want you to know that.” 

Mary nodded, her eyes wide. “Yeah, okay. Wow.”

Danny sighed. He ran a hand over his forehead. “Wow is right. I would just ask that you keep this to yourself, all right? I’m not really prepared to answer questions about it from… anybody.” 

“I don’t know, Danny.” Ashley touched his arm. “I think you did pretty well answering that question just now.” 

“The two of you together, you’re damn formidable.” But he smiled at her. 

Mary checked her phone. “Steve is on his way to drive me to the airport.” She got up from her stool, downing the rest of her drink. “He thinks it’s safer for me if I spend some time on the mainland until you guys can catch the bad guys. I should probably hit the little girls’ room. Point me in the right direction?”

As soon as Mary was out of the room, Ashley came around to the front of the bar and hugged Danny. She could feel him shaking, but his face looked remarkably calm.

“What prompted that, brah?”

“It was Steve today. He was getting really out of control, the way he does sometimes when he’s worked up about something regarding his family. And when I reminded him not to do something stupid, going after these guys like a vigilante, he said  _ yeah, but I don’t have a wife and kids to protect, _ and I wanted to say…” He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I wanted to say,  _ what about me. _ And that was clearly out of line, but I wanted to say it anyway.” 

“I don’t think it was all that out of line.” She caught his eye and made him look at her. 

He smiled again, but it was sad. “You don’t have a reason to care about any of this, Ash.”

“I do, though. It’s…” She laughed, hearing her Vovó. “It’s your potential. I see it.” 

He looked baffled. “My potential is keeping a crazy Navy SEAL from getting killed?”

“Maybe. Maybe it’s more like being in a position to help  _ him _ realize his potential. Isn’t that what ohana do for one another?” 

“Maybe. He was falling apart, and I had to… I don’t know, straighten him out enough to get him back on track. Give him perspective, keep him focused.”

She nodded. “And did you?”

“Yeah.” He gave her a little shrug. “I told him he had to step back a little, wait for Hiro to mess up. And once he’d calmed down, he said,  _ we’re going to be there when he does. _ He said  _ we.” _

It was jarring, hearing Hiro’s name come up in the midst of their conversation, but she let it go. She could grill him about it later. “Yeah. That sounds like ohana to me.” 

* * *

To her surprise, Steve and Danny returned to the bar together later that night. Steve looked haunted, but he smiled tiredly at her anyway. 

“How’s it going, Ashley?”

“Cherry. Looks like the two of you could use a beer. It was nice to meet your sister earlier.” 

“She said you made her a drink that was out of this world.” He accepted the bottle with a nod of thanks, and sat next to Danny’s usual spot at the bar without asking. 

Ashley made small talk with Kalei at the other end of the bar about his new boat, but really she was keeping half an ear on Steve and Danny’s conversation. It only felt a little like eavesdropping. She figured, if Danny really didn’t want her to hear, they’d be at a different bar. 

“I wonder if we’ll ever get back all of that stuff from my dad’s toolbox,” Steve said. “I know we’ve got pictures, but it’s not the same.”

“It’s evidence, for sure. Maybe we will, maybe we won’t. We’ll do what we can with what we have.”

“You’re full of advice today.” Steve gave him a sidelong look. He didn’t look upset by this. He appeared to be relaxing, which could have been the beer, but Ashley thought it was Danny’s presence beside him that was doing it.

“I had a good talk with your sister.” 

“Yeah, she said.” Steve smiled. “I worry about her, you know. She’s so unpredictable. I wish she’d find a job.” 

“I don’t know, I think she’s a lot like you. You know, a survivor.” 

Steve looked unexpectedly pleased. “You should have seen her on the case, Danno. She was spot on. Her instincts are great. She’d make a good detective. And no, I am not going to suggest that as a career.”

“She mentioned you talked to her about me, and Dave and Jenny and Rachel.” 

“Oh, man. She brought that up?” He was stricken. “I know you told me that in confidence, but I thought—you had something in common, she could relate to you better…”

“It’s okay,” Danny said. It appeared to be the truth.

Ashley wandered over with two more Longboards. She cleared their empties, but didn’t engage in their conversation. Steve still seemed distraught.

“I think it’s cool you’re so supportive of her,” Danny added, after a long drink of his second beer. Really, it was his third if she counted the one he’d had earlier with Mary, but Ashley knew he had the day off tomorrow. “You know, for everything, but… for her orientation.” 

“Definitely.” Steve’s face hardened. “We grew up in a community of people that weren’t, you know? They had a pretty restrictive view of the way things should be in the world. And I always thought, no, that’s just wrong. Even when I was a kid. It scared me that people couldn’t see what was right and what wasn’t.” He gestured with his beer. “Still does. I mean, why should it matter what the gender of your partner is? What does that mean about anything? It’s irrelevant.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not the way it is.”

“No, but it should be.” Steve sounded indignant. “You know, for one thing, nobody can tell from the outside what it is about a person that matters for somebody. It could be—their arms.”

Danny’s eyebrows went up. “Their arms?”

“Yeah. Or their smile, or the way they say certain words, or something that has nothing to do with how they look. It might not be their gender at all.” 

“Irrelevant,” Danny said, to himself.

“That’s what I’m saying. And for another—”

“Wait a minute, you’re telling me that’s irrelevant to  _ you?” _

“I’m just saying, that’s how the world should be.”

Danny didn’t quite look at him, just an alarmed glance out of the corner of his eye. “For everyone?”

“For everyone.”

He took another long drink. “Well. That would certainly… make everything a lot more complicated.” 

“I don’t know.” Steve shrugged. “Seems like it would make things a lot simpler.” 

They finished their beer without saying anything else. Ashley wondered if Danny needed a prompt, something to get him back on track, but he appeared to be getting there on his own. She waited, feeling like she was doing surveillance.

“I’m not asking for details,” Danny said at last.

Steve’s face was serene. “Okay.” 

“Just, in general, regarding your theory. Which, I admit, sounds like a good one. You have any experience to back up that thought?”

“I don’t think I’d need any. I mean, I’m pretty clear I don’t.” 

“But…?”

“No buts. It’s entirely situational. People are people. You get that spark, or you don’t.” 

“But what if you—”

“Danny.” He was smiling now. “You’re gonna have to trust me, okay?”

For a moment, Ashley thought Danny was going to say something else, but then Steve reached over and put a hand on his forearm where it leaned against the bar. It was there for about five seconds before he moved it away again. Danny gulped and fell silent, then nodded. 

Right around the time when they started getting restless, Ashley came over to clean off the bar. “Cab’s on its way, Steve.”

“Thanks.” He nodded. “Credit card okay?”

“Drinks are on you tonight?” She realized too late she shouldn’t sound like this was significant, but he laughed as he handed her his card.

“Does it matter? Danny can pick it up next time.” He scribbled his signature on the receipt, then gave her a wave. “‘Night.”

She watched Danny weave a little as he got to his feet, although it might not have been from the beer. “You want me to get Jack to walk you home?”

“I think I’ll be okay.” 

His poleaxed expression was just too good for her not to poke him a little. She leaned in closer and whispered, “He bought you drinks.” 

Danny let out a whimper, glancing at the exit, although Steve was long gone. “I am so confused. I mean, what--did he just--?”

“He chose not to clarify his statement. Like he said, you’re going to have to trust him. Either that, or make the first move and see what happens.” 

“I hate both of those options,” he moaned. 

“Sucks to be you.” She turned him bodily and gave him a little shove toward the door. “Good night.” 

She got a quick text from him about fifteen minutes later saying he’d reached his apartment; he usually provided her some reassurance when he walked home alone at night. But then he added,  _ Is it really irrelevant to you if you’re dating a woman or a man? _

_ It is to me, _ she replied,  _ but it isn’t for everybody. The world isn’t actually as black and white as Steve thinks it is. _

_ You think it shouldn’t matter to me? Maybe that would be better. _

_ It does matter to you, because you’re more attracted to one than the other. I don’t think you need to apologize for that.  _

_ Not apologizing.  _ And then:  _ I think he said he likes my arms. _

_ Yeah. I think he did. _

* * *

_ There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light  
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right  
And it comes in black and it comes in white  
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it _

_ \- [The Avett Brothers, “Head Full of Doubt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyfeOyglMtI)”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x13 Ke Kinohi.


	17. Arms

“Look, Eric Estrada and Larry Wilcox were not buddies, okay?” Danny was saying as they entered the bar. “We really don’t want to attempt to model our friendship on theirs. They were terrible at doing their own stunts. Wilcox got nabbed for securities fraud, his replacement Tom Reilly got a DUI, and that was the end of  _ ChIPs. _ Six seasons, boom.” 

Steve was unperturbed. “Six seasons is a pretty solid effort.”

“You’d think, if they weren’t hating one another the whole time. Trust me, six years can feel like a long time when you’re always arguing.” 

_ “We’re _ always arguing.”

“Yeah, and we’ve barely known each other six  _ months. _ ” 

“You know, I heard The Village People modeled their cop character after Ponch.”

Danny fell into a sudden fit of choking. Steve paused to check on him, looking concerned, but Danny waved him away.

“Is that right,” he said hoarsely. “I suppose you think that makes Ponch extra cool.” 

“Depends on what you like.” 

“What I like? I  _ like _ the motorcycle riding.”

“Well, that was all stunts. Estrada didn’t even have a motorcycle license when he started the show.” 

Danny shook his head in disbelief. “What, are you going to tell me you liked  _ his _ arms next?”

“What if I did? The uniform, the smile… what’s not to like?”

Danny looked away in a hurry. Steve grinned at his beer. 

“Okay, I admit,” said Danny, “I had a massive crush on Ponch when I was a kid. The Village People, not so much.” 

“I think he was pretty universally awesome, even if he couldn’t actually ride a motorcycle.” Steve shook his head to Ashley, who was waiting expectantly for them to run out of steam. “No beer for me today, thanks. I’m driving.” 

“Juice? Coke?”

“Just water.” To Danny, he added, “I think it’s that whole hero complex people have about cops.” 

“I’ll tell you what, you’re deluded if you think everybody feels that way about cops.” Danny gestured at Ashley. “Come on, tell him.” 

Ashley paused, feeling their eyes suddenly land on her. “Tell him what? How cops aren’t exactly heroes to people like me? Is that a surprise?”

“I guess there are bad cops,” Steve began, but he paused when he saw Ashley glaring at him. “What?”

“That’s a very haole attitude. Who’s in power? White dudes who assume I’m the help. Or who go out of their way to inform me the gender marker on my driver’s license doesn’t match what _ they _ think I should look like.” 

Steve’s eyes shifted as he tried to make sense of this. “What do you mean? You don’t look like—”

Ashley watched Danny smirk. She guessed it felt good not to be the one making all the gaffes. “You know what happens when you assume, babe.” 

“I  _ assume _ based on what people tell me.” Steve turned back to Ashley, looking penitent. “I apologize if I offended you.” 

“I love it when men admit they’re wrong.” 

Danny snorted. “Isn’t that sexist of you.”

“That’s not how sexism works. Also, women admit they’re wrong all the time, Danny, or weren’t you aware of that?” She grinned when he scowled. “Men just don’t think they did something that required an apology as often.”

“Except they do,” Danny countered. “They should.  _ That’s  _ what real heroes do. They apologize.” 

“I did!” Steve protested.

“You did just now. That doesn’t mean you always do.” He made two stacks with his hands, comparing the two situations, which clearly did not measure up.

Steve pointed at Danny, appealing to Ashley. “You see what I have to deal with?”

“You don’t have to tell me, brah,” she said matter-of-factly.

Danny looked wounded. “Now, wait a second… I’m just saying, sometimes you don’t always understand why the other person is upset, but you take it upon yourself to be the bigger man. You apologize anyway. That’s all I’m saying.” 

“You’re implying I don’t do that enough,” Steve said.

“Implying? I’m implying nothing. I’m  _ telling you. _ But that’s you. You’re not going to let as trivial a thing as communication get in the way of you being right and me being wrong.” 

“You want me to apologize? What for?”

“See, that’s the  _ thing. _ If I have to prompt you to do it, what does it mean? You’re just a parrot, saying what I tell you to say.  _ I’m sorry.” _ He made a bird mouth with his hand. “What good is that if you don’t know what for?”

Steve’s eyes begged her to intervene. She sighed. 

“Is this about something in particular,” Ashley asked, “or is it in general?”

“It’s all the time,” Danny said. “All. The. Time. You think I’m kidding? He thinks I’m a mind reader. Leaps right in without even telling me what he’s planning. Sometimes I don’t even know what he’s done until he comes back to HQ and reports. What kind of a  _ partner _ is that, huh?”

“Look, I was trained to act, okay?” Steve spoke to Ashley, but when she redirected him toward Danny, he swiveled to face him without a pause. “SEALs don’t ask, they do. It’s not because I don’t want your input, or because I think I can do it better than you, or anything like that.”

“I know that!” Danny’s arms were getting out of control. Ashley walked over and handed him a glass of water, just so he’d have something to hold instead of gesturing explosively in Steve’s face. “I’m not thinking about that. Not anymore.” 

“Well, that’s good?” When Steve looked confused, Danny made a frustrated noise. “What?”

“I think what Danny means,” Ashley said, trying to make her voice soothing without being obnoxious about it, “is he wants to know what you’re planning to do, not just because he wants to have a say, but because that’s the kind of collaborative work he’s used to doing in a relationship. He wants to be part of the solution because it makes him feel more connected to you.”

Steve looked over at Danny for confirmation. “Is that it? I don’t include you, you feel… disconnected from me?”

Danny glared at Ashley for a minute. At first she wondered if she’d overstepped, but then he said, somewhat begrudgingly, “Why do you think I’m always showing up at your house?”

“I’m telling you, the courtesy knock is a thing.” But Steve didn’t look confused anymore. “Don’t you know how much I depend on you? I mean, I know you’ve always got my back. Not in a sidekick sort of way, but—I know you’ve got me covered. No matter what stupid shit I pull.” He glanced at Ashley. “Sorry.” 

“Swearing is not actually something you have to apologize for,” Ashley informed him.

“All right, I think I get it. You’re saying…” Danny paused, then mimicked shooting a gun. “You like my  _ arms.” _

“Oh, ha, ha.” Steve gave Danny a little push as Danny snickered. “God, you really don’t know any good jokes, do you? You should have heard him today with the severed head jokes, Ashley; it was bad.”

“I will not apologize for those,” Danny announced. “Also, you can be glad I didn’t make any of the especially dirty head jokes I  _ could _ have made.” 

Ashley inclined her head solemnly. “For that, we can all be grateful.” 

She gave them a little space to take a break from talking, or to change the subject, whichever was their default, but she really did not expect Steve to turn to Danny and say, “I’m sorry for leaving you out of my plans. It was thoughtless and I have no excuse for doing it.”

“It’s not like you can’t take care of yourself.” Danny ducked his head. That was definitely a blush. “Mr. Hero.” 

“Okay, I seriously don’t know what you mean by that.”

“Kind of typified by the SEAL motto, isn’t it? Perseverance, strength, thrives in adversity, right?”

“That’s the creed. The motto is  _ the only easy day was yesterday.”  _ Steve was clearly suppressing a grin.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Right. Because of course I’m always wrong. Doesn’t matter I memorized the SEAL creed. Guess what Seton’s motto is?  _ Despite hazards, move forward. _ Hazards, I will add, like you.” He gave Steve a withering look. “You know, maybe you do get to hear some of those dirty head jokes after all. Tell you what, I’ll save them for when Ashley doesn’t have to hear them.” 

“You’re saying they’ll pop up when he leasts expects them,” Ashley said.

Steve cracked up. Ashley was pretty sure she’d never heard him laugh before, and it was kind of adorable, but she just maintained a straight face and kept polishing glassware as Danny looked outraged.

“For Pete’s sake,” he groaned, “you stole my best one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place following episode 1x14 He Kane Hewa' Ole.


	18. Spill

Ashley was on the phone with Mokoto the next time Steve walked into Pokiki. She had to kick herself for not locking the front door, but it was too late now. 

_ “… my courier will deliver the supplies to the tent city near Ewa Beach before four o’clock,”  _ he was saying.  _ “Will that give you enough time to distribute them?” _

“Yes, sir.” She saw Steve’s uncertain expression as he looked around the bar, and beckoned him inside. “Jack will be there, or a member of his  _ hale, _ wearing the signal.” 

_ “My courier will know what to watch for. Thank you, Ashley, I know this isn’t one of your usual tasks, but since Kaipo’s death, it’s been hard to orchestrate distribution along the south shore.”  _

“Ke lawelawe lā naʻe hoʻi.” The phrase came out before she could think about it, and although she saw Steve pause and think for a moment, he otherwise didn’t react. “You can reach me at this number if anything changes.” 

_ “All right. Be safe.”  _

She set the phone on the bar and gave Steve a bartender smile, the kind that would let him know he was welcome without expecting too much from him. “How about a cold one, brah?”

“Water would be great. That phrase you just said, I didn’t quite catch it. What does it mean?”

“It means  _ I’ll take care of it.” _ That was definitely not a complete translation, but it was close enough to satisfy Steve. 

“You know, Ashley, I hate to bother you at work, but this isn’t a social visit. You mind if I ask you a couple of questions?”

“I’ll do my best?” She gestured at the empty bar. “You can see how busy I am.” 

He flashed her a quick smile, but apparently humor was not on the table at the moment. He set a folder on the bar and opened it, taking out a notepad covered with scribbled writing.

“It’s about Danny.” 

“Oh?”

“Quick explanation. Rachel—you know his ex-wife?—she was carjacked this morning, with Grace in the car.” He held up hands at her alarmed expression. “They’re scared but unhurt. Danny went down to the station to deal with it, so he’s a little busy at the moment. I don’t want to bother him with questions; that should be his priority. That’s one reason I came to you about this.”

She nodded, surreptitiously eyeing his papers. Steve’s folder contained the file for a case, along with a profile of a woman with long brown hair. Her photo was attached at the top with a staple. Upside-down and with only half of her face showing, Ashley wasn’t sure, but the woman looked familiar. The woman in the profile had a name that started with  _ MAS, _ but that was all Ashley could see with Steve’s notepad overlaying it. 

“What’s the other reason?”

“Well.” Steve glanced at the door and leaned in closer. “It’s about Dave. His ex.” 

She did not have to feign surprise. “What about him?”

“This morning we received a case involving the murder of a US Marshal. Danny told me that Dave’s a US Marshal, working for the state Supreme Court in asset forfeiture, and that he doesn’t travel much anymore. But in the information I read regarding this case, there’s a reference to US Marshal David Collins. Now, there’s no mention of a connection to the New Jersey office, but he’s doing witness protection transport from New York. Do you think that could be Dave?” 

“Dave Collins,” Ashley nodded. “That’s his name.” 

Steve let out a long breath. “Okay. I think I need to talk to him. And… well, I’m not sure how to say this, but it might be awkward, given who Dave is, and… who I am. If that makes sense.” 

She nodded again. When she smiled, he laughed and looked away, his tanned cheeks showing sudden color.

“All right.” His voice was steady. “So, I’m going to give Dave a call and ask him some questions.” 

There was an extended pause. Finally, Ashley said carefully, “Would you like me to be here while you do that?”

“I would appreciate it.” Now he definitely looked uncomfortable, but added, “It’s not a professional request, but this isn’t exactly a professional call, either.” 

“No, it’s fine.” But she stood up and went to the front door, turning the sign to  _ Sorry, We’re Closed, _ and locked the deadbolt. “Just take your time. I’ll get some work done here.” 

As Steve dialed, he moved the notepad. Now the photo of the woman was covered, but the rest of her file was exposed. Ashley took out a notebook and a pen and made her best attempt to copy all the information she could read, upside-down, without being obvious about it. The woman’s name was Julie Masters, which didn’t ring a bell. Last known address was in Arizona. 

“Yes, hello, this is Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett with the 5-0 Task Force in Honolulu. I wonder if I could speak with Dave Collins on an urgent matter?” He stood, turning his back to Ashley. “Yes, I’ll hold.” 

While Steve’s back was turned, Ashley nudged his notepad aside just far enough to reveal the photo of Julie Masters. It took a long, long moment for her brain to process what she saw. Then the hit of adrenaline knocked her back onto her stool. She kept her breathing even only with long experience. 

“Hi, Dave, my name’s Steve McGarrett. I work for a criminal task force in Hawaii, and I—” He paused. “Yes, 5-0. That’s right. Yeah, I do.” He paused again, then, more gently, “No, he’s fine. I’m not—this isn’t about Danny. I promise. Believe me, nobody wants to get that call, and this isn’t it.” 

The small part of her mind that was on what Steve was doing noticed he was smiling. She was not going to interrupt his important conversation with questions. She was not going to grab the paper and look at the photo right-side up. She was not going to be sick. She would sit where she was and wait.

“He really is doing all right. He’s a hell of a detective, strategic, resourceful.” He laughed. “Okay, yes, that, too. Even so, we’re really grateful to have him.” 

Her brain finally made sense of the upside-down abbreviation WITSEC, and she stifled the noise that threatened to emerge from her throat. 

“That’s all right. No, that’s completely understandable. I would be worried too, if I were in your shoes.” She watched his body language shift into high-gear-anxious, which on Steve apparently involved slowing way, way down. “He told me a little of your history together. You, and your family. I appreciate he was willing to trust me with that personal information, as a friend. I assure you, it’s not an issue for me.” 

With care, Ashley reached out and knocked over Steve’s glass of water.

“Oh, crap,” she said loudly. She stacked the papers into an uneven pile and moved them further down the bar, out of range of the streaming liquid. Steve glanced over, noticed her using a towel to wipe up the water, and gave her a nod of thanks before turning away again. 

“I can imagine,” said Steve. “So, uh, I don’t want you to think I’m unwilling to have this conversation, but I called today about a specific matter. There’s a witness in a federal case who may be in danger. My team’s moving out shortly to find out more, but her name is associated with yours in the file I have here. Her name is listed as Julie Masters.” 

Her heart hammering in her chest, Ashley picked up the stack of papers, drinking in the photo as she made a show of straightening them. The woman was older, of course, her hair a different color. She’d had the crooked bottom tooth fixed. 

_ Aaron Brenner, Baja Cartel, 10 yrs,  _ said Steve’s scrawled notes.  _ Julie Masters WITSEC Kahuku s.h., Frank Moore USM.  _ There were GPS coordinates and what she assumed was tactical information.

“She’s here in Hawaii under the protection of Federal Marshal Frank Moore, in a safe house. She’s an essential witness and is scheduled to testify today at 5 PM, but the two officers assigned to pick her up have not checked in. We’re about to drive out to secure and transport, but given your name is on her WITSEC paperwork, I thought you might—yes, I understand. My only issue was that Danny told me you were working in New Jersey in asset forfeiture, and you’re listed here with the New York office in witness protection.” 

Ashley set the folder of papers on the lower counter. While she reached over the bar to finish wiping up the spill, she picked up her phone with her other hand and took a series of surreptitious photos, poorly aimed, of Julie Masters’ file. 

“It’s no concern of mine,” said Steve, “but depending on how things go today with your witness, you might get a call from someone less friendly.” 

She finished wiping, then replaced all the papers into the folder and set it on the bar, making sure the surface was dry first.

“No, that makes perfect sense. Just, knowing Danny and how much he cares about you, I really think he’d want to know the truth. I appreciate that. Please, call me Steve. Thanks, Dave. Let me give you my number, and don’t hesitate to call me about this or… any other matter.” 

As Steve was putting away his phone, Ashley handed him the folder. “Sorry about that. I don’t think they got wet. It sounded like that went all right?”

“Yeah, it did. He seems like a good guy.” Steve made a rueful face. “He didn’t tell Danny he got transferred to the New York office to work witness protection. Said he didn’t want him to worry.” 

“Well, you were right. He would want to know the truth.” 

On his way out the door, Steve turned back to her. “Hey, Ashley?”

“Yeah?”

His expression was mild. “Next time you want copies of any official HPD paperwork, I’d appreciate it if you’d ask, all right?”

She swallowed. “Yes. I will.” 

“Thanks. Anything else you wanted to tell me?”

“Not—yet.” 

He nodded, then left without another word.

Ashley grabbed her phone and inspected the photos she’d taken of the document. None of them would win any contests, but they would be sufficient for her own purposes. 

There was nothing else that could be done until the witness was secured. Not to mention she had her own task to handle today. She would have to be patient and leave it in the hands of 5-0. 

* * *

Danny showed up later, after dinner, talking on his phone. He lowered his voice about two notches as he walked in the room and saw her other customers eyeing him, but she could still get the gist of what he was saying. 

“… know we just had this conversation about communicating and staying connected, all right, but this is different. How? Because Grace is my daughter, all right? Okay, but you’re not her parent. There are some things you can’t understand unless you are, and this is one of them.” He glared at the framed pictures on the wall. “I did not have a tone!” 

Ashley tamped down her impatience and waited. It was a good choice not to handle any of the glassware under the bar in the state she was in, but that meant her hands had nothing to do. She cracked her knuckles and fiddled with her bracelet.

“You  _ what?” _ Danny’s exclamation verged on pissed. “What do you mean, you  _ called Dave?  _ About this?” He confined his pacing to the corner of the bar behind the door, where no one else was currently sitting. Watching him was making her dizzy. “Then about what? Just because he’s a marshal and the guy—no, I will not  _ calm down.” _

_ Tell me she’s still alive, _ Ashley begged in her head.  _ Just tell me that. _ She kept her mouth firmly closed.

“Look, we’re going to have to talk about this later. Because I can’t punch you in the face from here. Fine. Yeah.” He closed his phone with a snap. “Jesus.” 

“Busy day,” she said. 

“Yeah, you could say that. God, he is  _ infuriating. _ I missed the memo that says  _ your boss gets to call your ex when he wants information about a case. _ ” He sank into his alternate stool, up against the wall in the corner. “To top it all off, Stan got wrapped up with the housing commissioner, who attempted to bribe him so Stan recorded him. The housing commissioner hired guys to  _ hijack Stan’s car _ looking for the recording, and when it didn’t turn up there, to ransack his house.” 

“Oh my god.” She made her eyes big. “What did you do?”

“Well, first I went and picked up Stan from the airport and we had a talk. Then, once I got the truth out of him, I went and had a similar talk with the housing commissioner. Both talks involved a lot of threatening and shoving.” 

She winced. “Danny. Tell me you didn’t.” 

“What, you too?” He looked positively hurt. “Grace could have been  _ killed.” _

“That is beside the point!” She knew she was being too loud, but after an entire day of keeping it in, it was coming out now, and Danny was in its way. “You are a  _ cop, _ Danny. There are lines you don’t cross. You  _ do not _ intimidate others, physically or otherwise! You  _ have _ to be better than all the trash cops I hate.”

He took a step back, shocked. “Ash…”

“Just—shut up. I can’t deal with this right now. The witness in 5-0’s case, Julie Masters. What happened to her?”

“How do you—?”

“Did she make it to court?” she insisted. “Did she testify against Brenner?”

He looked more and more bewildered. “I—I think so? What’s this all about?” 

Ashley took a step back, closing her eyes. “I can’t tell you. Would Steve know what happened?” 

“He and Kono and Chin were at court today.” His eyes narrowed. “What did you do, Ash? Are you keeping secrets from me?”

“I am keeping  _ so many _ secrets from you,” she hissed, “you would not  _ believe. _ And I always will, because you are working for the  _ enemy. _ ”

Danny sat down slowly at the bar, his face pale. She stood where she was, watching him.

“The police aren’t your enemy, Ash.”

She let out a laugh. “That is one hundred percent wrong, and also  _ not _ what I was referring to. Now, are you going to help me find out what happened in court today, or do I call Steve myself?”

“I’ll help.”

“You call him. I don’t have his number.”

She knew all her customers were watching them now. Probably, if either she or Danny spoke above a whisper about anything suspicious, she would find herself locked out of her  _ hale _ for an appropriate length of time to make sure she wasn’t compromised. Which, in a way, she definitely  _ was,  _ considering how this friendship was going.

Danny dialed Steve’s number, turned on the speaker and set it on the bar between them. They leaned in close, forming a shelter around it. 

_ “So you decided to try punching me in the face over the phone?” _

“I’m here with Ashley, Steve,” Danny said. “She has some questions for you.” 

“About those papers from today,” she added.

_ “Okay? What do you want to know?” _

“What happened in court with Julie Masters today?”

_ “She testified.” _

“Did they reach a verdict? What happens to Brenner?”

_ “Life without parole. No death penalty, but special circumstances. Brenner’s not getting out, ever.”  _

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” She watched Danny’s eyes on her as she took a breath. “Where did they move her?”

_ “She’s still on the island in a top secret location. No, I don’t know where. Her testimony is complete; she doesn’t have any more business here.” _

“Wanna bet?” she muttered. “One last question. Under what name did she testify?” 

_ “I can’t tell you that.” _

“Was it Andreia? Andreia Souza?”

“Souza?” Danny echoed. “But that’s—”

_ “Ashley,” _ Steve said slowly, _ “that wasn’t on the paper.” _

“I know. I recognized her from her picture. Brenner’s not her only target.”

_ “Target? What do you mean?” _

“I mean either be prepared to take her in,” she said grimly, “or stay out of her way and she’ll do your heavy lifting for you. She’s a kino wailua.”

_ “A ghost?”  _

“Not literally. It’s a job title. She’s given up all her earthly connections and taken on her final task. Putting Brenner in prison wasn’t it, although I’m sure it was satisfying. She has nothing to lose. Kind of like a—a targeted suicide bomber assassin.”

“Ash,” Danny said urgently, “who  _ is _ she?”

“Was.” Ashley leaned on the bar and fixed her gaze on Danny. “She was my mother.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x16 E Malama. 
> 
> Ashley’s mother Andreia Souza, aka Julie Masters, is [played in this episode by Mariana Klaveno](https://imgur.com/9kIhipt).


	19. Truth

The next time Ashley saw Danny, he was sitting on the curb in front of the bar when she came downstairs in the morning to make coffee. She wouldn’t even have seen him if she hadn’t gone to bring the garbage cans back into the alley. He looked like he hadn’t been to bed yet, still dressed in his work clothes from the night before, his eyes dark smears in his face.

“Hey.” She paused in front of him. “We don’t open for another five and a half hours, you know.”

“I’m not here for a drink.” 

“What are you here for, then?”

He looked up at her. “I’m here to apologize. You want me to do it here, or can I come inside?”

She let him in. He didn’t go to the bar, but instead went and sat on the couch, the opposite corner from where he’d been sitting a week ago, when she’d told him about the kino wailua. 

It would have been easy to just hug him and pretend everything was okay, but that wasn’t what he deserved from her. Instead, she sat down in the chair across from him. He clasped his hands in front of him, looking grave.

“My brother came into town this week.” 

She cocked her head. “Funny way to pronounce  _ I’m sorry.” _

“I’m giving you context. My younger brother, Matt. He’s a creative accountant. Loves Grace, loves me, loves Rachel, and Dave and Jenny, and their kids too. To be honest, though, I think what he really loves is a family that gets along. So he does everything he can to smooth over the ugly aspects of being a family, so he can pretend everything is okay.” He sighed, staring at his clasped hands. “My whole family does that a lot.” He looked up at her. “I don’t want to do that with you.” 

She nodded. “Okay?”

“He set up a surprise dinner with him and me and Rachel and Steve and Grace.” Danny grimaced. “The whole family.  _ That _ was a little weird, but only a little. Everybody was on their best behavior.” 

“Not your whole family,” Ashley pointed out. “It was your vee.” 

“My what?”

“Your vee. Like, the letter V, you’re the point of intersection. Rachel and Steve aren’t involved with each other, so it’s not a triad, it’s a—”

“I got it.” He looked annoyed. “Do I really have to have a name for that?” 

“Labels are useful, Danny. That’s all. They don’t mean anything other than what you make them mean. Anyway, a vee would imply they also know about one another.” She raised an eyebrow.

“I barely know about them myself,” he muttered. “Yeah, we’re definitely not there yet. May I continue?”

“You know, this is the longest apology I’ve ever—”

“My brother extorted money from his clients,” he said loudly. “And that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was, he lied to my face about it. He said  _ I didn’t do it, _ and I believed him.” 

She frowned. “People lie, Danny. Family, especially.” 

“Not like this. I could have helped him. I  _ offered _ to help him through it, and he agreed, and then…”

“He lied again,” Ashley guessed. 

“I guess I should have expected it by then.” 

“Yeah, you should have.” She reached out and touched his knee. “But you actually expect the best from people, not the worst. That’s a good thing.” 

He didn’t smile. “Do you really think I’m the enemy, Ash?”

“I said you’re working for the enemy, Danny. But yes. To my family, the police, especially haole, those are the bad guys. I’m not saying that facetiously. It’s the way it’s been for decades, longer. It’s worse for me. I literally have no reason to trust you.” 

He hung his head, nodding.

“Except,” she went on, “you’re not your brother. You could be different. You’re cleaning up your messes.”

“I’m trying. With you, with Rachel. With… with Steve.” 

“What about with Dave and Jenny?”

He hardly looked enthusiastic, but he nodded. “I can do that.” 

“I’m not going to say you don’t have anything to prove, because you do.” She held him with a stern look. “Don’t forget it. You have a long way to go.” Then she grinned, and he looked startled. 

“What?”

“The word for road, or at least for the long kind that takes you places. The journey road, the destiny road. In Portuguese, it’s  _ estrada.  _ You wanted to be Estrada, right?”

“Turns out being him’s a lot more work than I expected.” But he grinned, too. Then he did hug her, and she hugged him back.

“I’m sorry about your brother,” she murmured.

“I’m sorry about your mother.” 

“Yeah, well…” She shook her head. “That’s a little different. I  _ knew _ she wasn’t coming back. She certainly didn’t lie to us. We knew all her plans right along with her, right down to her last task. Seeing that picture of her in Steve’s folder… it really was like seeing a ghost.” 

Danny nodded. “Chin Ho returned with her from the jungle. He said she was so brave. The whole time they were trying to bring her in so she could testify, Kono kept saying she couldn’t wait to meet her. She was impressive and resourceful.” 

Ashley blinked hard. “That’s the way everybody always described her to me.” 

Danny sat with her while she drank her coffee, but then he said, “Would it be possible for me to crash on the couch for a little while? I got zero sleep last night.”

“I can do you one better,” she said, rising to her feet. “I’ve got plenty of empty bedrooms.”

It was strangely comforting to have Danny sleeping upstairs while she did paperwork and cleaned up from last night. She checked on him a couple of times, but he was out cold, snoring quietly. 

He finally stumbled back downstairs mid-afternoon in his undershirt and boxers. She found him a towel and showed him where the bathroom with the old claw-foot tub was. When he emerged with wet hair and dressed in yesterday’s clothes, he appeared much calmer. 

“You know, I really—thank you for this. I’m going to head into work, see if I can get some answers.” There was an awkward pause. “Is there anything you want to know? About, uh, your mom?”

“If you can find out if she’s still in Hawaii without drawing attention. And who’s going to be handling her, now that her marshal was killed.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He touched her hand. “I’m really sorry, Ash. For everything. I’m not going to forget this.” 

It would be easy for her to say she trusted him, she thought, watching him head around the corner toward Nuuanu, on the way to his house. Or at least to pretend that everything was going to be okay. But she wasn’t going to forget this, either.

* * *

Danny and Steve showed up at the bar late that night, bearing an envelope. Steve was the one who handed it to her.

“An actual copy of her file,” he said. “In case you didn’t get what you needed from it already. Her real name’s still not on it, but there’s a series of other aliases on the back, some official and some not. It looks like she’s been moved around a lot.” 

Ashley nodded. It was hard not to be touched by Steve’s sincerity. “Is she leaving the island?”

“Already did,” Danny said. “She’s making a connection in New York tonight. Dave’s her new marshal. He said…” He suppressed a sigh. “He apologized for not telling me what he was really doing.” 

“Jenny made him do it,” Steve fake-whispered, and Ashley giggled as Danny rolled his eyes. “I’ll tell you what, she was not happy. What, was that supposed to be a private conversation? I could hear her across the hallway.” 

“Apparently he’s been taking the train into the city every day. I have no idea how Jenny is managing the three kids without him. When Grace was little, my mom used to watch all of—” Danny paused, then shook his head. “Never mind. They’ll figure it out. Anyway, Dave doesn’t know who she is, with regard to you, but I think I can find a way to continue to inquire without it seeming too suspicious.” 

“Which would require you to be talking to him regularly,” she pointed out.

“Yeah. There’s that.” 

Steve didn’t hesitate. “Will you excuse me for a moment?”

He nodded in a friendly way at Kalei and Jack on his way to the restroom. Danny didn’t watch him go.

“Steve seems okay with you being in touch with Jenny and Dave?”

“He was the one who brought it up. Said I should call her, practically put the phone in my hand.” Now that Danny was closer to her, she could see how red his eyes were. “I think… when I didn’t come into work this morning, he got a little worried.”

“What makes you think so?”

“He, um. He called Dave.” He grimaced at her delighted expression. “I really don’t know how I feel about everybody in my life talking to everybody else behind my back.”

She laughed softly. “You serious, brah? You  _ love it.” _

“Yeah,” he whispered, with a little groan, “yeah, I really, really do, and it’s freaking me out.” 

“So he talked to Dave?”

“They were on the phone together when I came in today. One conversation led to another, I ended up with Jenny on speakerphone, with Emily and the twins in the background.  _ That _ was interesting.” He shook his head. “Kono had questions, which I mostly ducked, but I think Steve did talk to Chin Ho about  _ something _ earlier, because he just smiled.”

“Small steps,” Ashley nodded, patting his arm. She indicated Steve, now on his way back to the bar. “But good ones. For him, too.” 

“Yeah.” Danny’s eyes still weren’t quite landing on him. Every time Steve smiled, he found something else to focus on. 

“Can I get you a beer?”

“Yes,” they both said at the same time, equally emphatically, which prompted a shared laugh that seemed to help break some of the tension. She passed the Longboards down the bar toward them. 

“Thank you,” she added, to Steve. “For the file.”

“Ke lawelawe lā naʻe hoʻi.” His eyebrows went up as she blanched. “Sorry, did I say it wrong?”

She lowered her voice. “Just… you might not want to say that specific phrase too loudly in this room. It doesn’t only mean  _ I took care of it _ here. There’s a service component, an obligation. It carries an importance among some of the people in my community. And, um. In the right context, it can have a sexual meaning.” 

“Oh.” Steve looked intrigued, but he did not ask for clarification. “I wish I’d learned more Hawaiian growing up.”

“Me, too,” Ashley agreed. “So many layers of meaning. I know enough to get by, but definitely not really enough to understand.” 

“Mandarin is like that, too. And Farsi, it has this—”

Danny cleared his throat, his face red. Steve looked over at him expectantly. “I’m guessing Ashley has work to do?”

“I do, actually. We can talk languages another time.” 

She tucked the envelope with Laura Masters’ file into her Cabal notebook, wondering if she should be locking it in the safe at night. Nobody had dared to break into any buildings owned by her family in decades, but it was always possible. Then she made a round of the room, clearing glasses and wiping tables.

Jack grabbed her wrist as she went past. “Did that makai just tell you—”

“He didn’t understand what it meant,” she insisted. “Don’t make a big deal about it. And it’s not like that, believe me. He’s spoken for.” 

“Looks like,” Kalei drawled, glancing at the bar. She kicked his ankle, and he protested, laughing. “Oh, you defending him?”

Ashley suspected, after what had happened with the file, that Steve was paying attention to everything they were saying, even in the midst of his conversation with Danny. “He doesn’t need defending.” 

She settled at the end of the bar with the balance book and her favorite pen, pointedly ignoring Steve and Danny while listening to every word. 

“Can I ask you something?” Steve was saying. “At Matty’s hotel room last night. You said  _ thank you _ when I told the FBI agents where he was. Why’d you say that?”

Danny blew out a breath. “I don’t know. For being the strong one? For being the man I couldn’t be, for telling the truth?”

“Okay, but… come on, he’s your brother. I mean, if it had been Mary, I don’t know what I would have done either. And you  _ knew _ what he needed to do. You were going to help him, and he rejected you.” 

Danny nodded, although he still looked troubled.

“He thought he had the right answer,” Steve persisted. “He thought he could do it himself, his own way, and he didn’t let you in on his plans.” He nudged Danny’s arm. “Sounds familiar, hmm?” 

“I let him go.” Danny’s voice was low. “I didn’t shoot him, and… I still don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not.” He shook his head. “I just can’t believe he lied to me. I didn’t even know, I couldn’t  _ tell.” _

“You were betrayed, plain and simple.” Steve’s mouth was a thin straight line. “That’s the worst feeling, to think you know someone, and then find out they’re someone else.”

Danny chewed on his lip. Then, finally, reluctantly, he said, “I didn’t go home last night. I just walked until dawn, and then I came here.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t really want to go home tonight, either.” 

Without moving one inch from where he sat, Steve was suddenly alert. “… Okay?”

“I’m thinking I should call Rachel. Because that’s… we’re fixing things, we’re maybe thinking about trying again, and it’s… it’s familiar, it’s simple.”

“Good to have familiar things to return to, at a time like this.”

“So, yeah. That’s what I was thinking.” Danny waited another agonizing moment before adding, “Unless there’s, you know, a better plan you can think of.” 

“That falls into the category of familiar and simple?” Steve shook his head. “No.” 

“Because you and me, we could just sit around and watch old movies,” Danny went on, almost cajoling, “have another few beers…”

Steve nodded again, thoughtfully. He turned to look at Danny beside him. “That’s really what you think would happen.”

Danny squirmed away from his gaze. “Well—”

“Let me tell you something, Danny. I never want to do what your brother just did to you. I never want you to think I’m somebody I’m not and then find out I’ve lied to you. Not ever.” 

Steve spoke the words plainly, without particular emphasis, but they were clearly hitting Danny hard. He nodded, closing his eyes.

“And what that means is, sometimes I’m going to have to say no. All right? You ask me, I’m going to tell you, the best way I can, what I know is the right thing to do.” 

Danny nodded again, more easily this time. “Yeah. Okay. You’re right.” 

Steve cocked his head. “What was that? Did you just hear something? It sounded like somebody said  _ You’re right.”  _

“Yeah, don’t get used to it.” He let out a little laugh. Then he reached over and took Steve’s hand. Their fingers interlaced without effort. He gave it a little shake, like he was seeing if it was solid. 

Danny still wasn’t meeting his gaze, so there was no way he could have seen the expression on Steve’s face shift from one of calm control to  _ absolute need.  _ There was no acceleration, he was just there,  _ boom.  _ It made Ashley’s breath catch. 

Immediately, upon hearing the sound of that breath, Steve looked up at her. The mask of calm slipped back over his features. He let go of Danny’s hand. 

“Either of you need a cab?” she asked.

“I’m going to take a walk,” Steve said. “Head on home.” 

She didn’t know Steve’s exact address, but Kapahulu was not exactly within walking distance of Pauahi. She just nodded, making change for Danny’s twenty, and waved goodnight to Steve. 

“I’ll be okay,” Danny said, before she could ask. 

“You should probably take a cab to Rachel’s.”

He looked up at her, clearly startled. “Since when are you on the side of  _ that _ relationship?”

“I’m not, but what you said made sense. You can stay here again, if you’d rather, but if you don’t want to be alone tonight, it’s better to lean on something familiar and simple than…” She gestured at the door.

“Yeah.” The word came out in a big sigh. “Ain’t that the truth. Good night, Ashley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x18 Loa Aloha.


	20. Code

“Ash?”

“In here,” she called from the kitchen. 

Danny appeared in the doorway, then stopped where he was. “You are engaged in some horrific task.”

“It’s called  _ cooking.” _ She held up the knife she was using to gut Jack’s catch, and he turned away in disgust. “Come on, Danny, if you’re going to live in Hawaii, you’re going to have to get used to fish.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I like eating it just fine. I just don’t want to touch it.” His nose wrinkled as she scraped the most recent pile of fish guts into the tub by her feet. “Or become intimate with its internal organs.”

“Well, good thing so many of us are willing to prep and cook your fish for you.”

He eyed the production line of filets, marinade, and broiling pans. “I didn’t even know you cooked.” 

“I fish, too. Except Jack and my uncle caught these this morning.” She smiled. “They say a fortunate fisherman is like a lucky woman who attracts men by the fragrance of her skin."

“You—what does that mean?”

“It means I have a date.” 

“You have a date.” He clearly did not expect this answer. “With a—a guy? Who likes fish.”

She leered at him. “One would hope so.” 

He grimaced. “Okay, that was really not a metaphor I was looking for.” 

“Relax. I promise I won’t tell you any gory details about how he likes dinner, or anything else.”

“Now, wait, hold it,” he protested. “You promised I could do a background check. Come on. Full name, address, date of birth.” 

“You were serious about that?” She laughed. “Okay, then, couldn’t hurt, but you’ll have to be quick. He’s coming for dinner at seven-thirty. Jack’s behind the bar tonight.” 

Danny waited while she washed her hands, then picked up the folded local paper. She handed it to him, pointing at the grainy photo of the man on the surfboard. 

“Here you are. His name’s Kainoa Kalawaiʻa.” She poked his ribs. “Which, by the way, translates to  _ secret fisherman.” _

“It does not!” He skimmed the article. “He’s a surfer?” 

“His family’s in shipping. He surfs in his spare time.” 

“Hmm. If he’s getting his picture in the paper, he must be doing it pretty well.” 

“I’ll leave it to you to figure out the details. He’s a year younger than me, or at least he graduated from Moanalua the year after I did.” 

“You guys went to school together?” Danny glanced up at her. “Does that mean he knew you when you were, you know…”

“Before I transitioned? Sure. So did most of the rest of the school. It’s a small community; it’s not like it’s a big secret.” 

He followed her back into the kitchen while she checked on the marinade. “But does that mean he’s going to treat you with the kind of respect you deserve?”

She snorted. “What am I, a holy relic? I’m hoping for some good conversation and possibly sex, Danny, not a marriage proposal. You really want to check up on him, knock yourself out, but I already know his parents, not to mention I’m friends with the girl he dated in high school. I think he’s pretty safe. Now, if you’re here for your sausages, they’re in the fridge.” 

“Not today.” He sounded regretful. “Grace is worried about my cholesterol. She made me pack a salad for lunch today.” 

“Shoots.” She patted his shoulder. “I’ll just leave them in the takeaway container in case you want to sneak over and eat them later, then.” 

* * *

It was not Danny who came in the next night, but Steve. He looked somewhat preoccupied, but that didn’t stop him from asking all the correct polite questions about her and how she was doing. 

Eventually, she held up a hand. “You don’t have to do the small talk thing with me, you know. Either you’re here for a reason, in which case you should get right to the point, or you’re here to relax, and then you don’t need to ask about me at all.”

“Okay,” he said, after considering this. “That’s fair.”

She smiled. Danny would have argued simply for the sake of arguing. “So which one is it tonight?”

“More the first one,” he admitted, “but I’d have a beer, if you don’t mind. Tell me, what do you know about Wo Fat?”

She paused in removing the cap from the Longboard. “Not a lot that’s been substantiated.”

“I’m trying to understand his motivation, which seems to be more complicated than I thought.” He took the beer. “You’re pretty well connected on this island.”

“I’m not working for the Yakuza, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“No, I didn’t think you were. I’ve been thinking the reason he keeps showing up isn’t just business. I assumed it was personal. Tonight he confirmed that.”

Ashley couldn’t hide her surprise. “You saw him? He talked to you?”

“Fifteen minutes ago.” 

_ And you didn’t kill him? _ was the question she wanted to ask. Steve wasn’t wailua poni, and therefore couldn’t take on tasks of any kind, much less a last task, but if he were, she guessed his last task would be  _ take out the man who ordered the death of my father.  _

“And he didn’t kill you?" she said instead.

“Yeah, I was wondering that same thing.” Steve maintained his cool demeanor, but there was definitely a lot going on in his head. “He said he wanted to know me. He also said I wouldn’t like what I found if I dug too deeply into my family’s past.” 

“It doesn’t sound like he really thinks you’re a threat to him.” 

“Or else he has a reason for keeping me alive.” Steve shook his head. “I don’t trust him, but I need answers more than I need revenge.” 

“You might not get them,” she said. “One thing people do say about Wo Fat: he likes to maintain control.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that.” When she laughed, he grinned. “I guess that’s one motivation I can understand. I can’t say the same for some of the others.”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about what motivates most criminals. Rage, fear. Those I can understand, if not condone. Greed, I totally don’t get. Jealousy.” He looked perplexed. “I mean, come on.”

“You don’t understand feeling jealous?”

“Not to the degree that I’d commit a crime. We had this case today… so tell me something, why would a woman get so jealous of another woman’s relationship with her husband that she would  _ kill _ her? There’s no reason I can see.”

Ashley thought about it. “That’s a kind of rage, I guess. Fear of losing what you have, frustration that you can’t keep what you so desperately want.”

Steve was still frowning. “I mean, if her husband still loved her, and she loved him, they could have worked something out. And if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have stayed with her anyway.”

“Worked something out? Are you serious?” 

“Most of the time, yeah,” he said, nodding.

She ignored this. “Steve, American relationship rules are centered around one-man-one-woman relationships, right? And it’s not like this is a hardship for most people. They  _ want _ to follow those rules.”

He waved a hand. “Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t follow rules.”

“What are you saying, then?”

“I’m saying,” he said, “sometimes the  _ rules _ are wrong.” 

She paused. “I… would not disagree with you.”

“Okay.” He said this as though it were settled. 

Ashley wasn’t sure how to dispute the idea that Steve was any kind of authority on rules, because not only did he obviously think he  _ was, _ but given his position and privilege, he might  _ actually be. _ She nodded thoughtfully.

“So what do you do when the rules are wrong?”

Steve took a drink. “The truth is, I follow my own code, all of the time. Most of the time, let’s say 95% of the time, my code matches up with the rules expected of me.”

She smiled. “I can definitely relate to that. And the other 5% of the time, you… what? Get thrown in prison?” 

“Roughly accurate. And—correct me if I’m interpreting things wrong—you find yourself on the opposite side more often?”

“You mean prison? Thankfully that has not happened yet. Lucky for me, because they’d toss me in with a bunch of men. I wouldn’t last a week.”

He stared at her. “Are you shitting me?”

“Unfortunately not. You can imagine how strong of an incentive that is not to get caught.”

“Yeah, absolutely.” He cocked his head. “Not enough not to break the law, though?”

“The code I follow says a bad law is no law at all.”

Steve smiled conspiratorially. Witnessing it up close did funny things to her breathing. “You’ll have to tell me more about your code someday. I have a feeling we might find some common ground.”

“You might be right. Danny calls me his partner in crime. Not that we’ve done any lately.” She took his empty beer bottle and stashed it underneath the counter. “You think you and Danny have some common ground?”

His smile, though muted, remained, but now his guard was up. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve heard you talk with him about communication and apologies and setting boundaries, and I’d agree with all of that. What about the rules?”

“What about them?”

“How do you tell  _ somebody else _ when the rules are wrong?” 

He sat back in his stool. “Actions speak louder than words. Meaning, I live by my code, instead of paying lip service to rules that don’t work for me.”

“Mmm. And what if other people don’t realize you’re doing that?”

“I’m a patient guy.” 

It was a flippant answer, but he looked completely serious. She raised an eyebrow at him, and when he raised one back, she snickered. 

“You’re way more patient than I would be.” 

He didn’t question what she meant. “Let’s say I’m all about the long game. Some things are worth the wait. And what about you?”

“I stick to a sure thing. Which, admittedly, means it’s usually kind of disappointing.” 

He laughed. “No, I mean… how do  _ you _ tell somebody else when the rules are wrong?”

“Heh.” Her lips twisted bitterly. “Well, as it happens, in my community, girls don’t get to make the rules.”

He was taken aback. “Forgive me for contradicting you, Ashley, but that has definitely not been my experience with Hawaiian girls.” 

“I’m talking more specifically than kama’aina. My family, others in our circle. We’re kind of… traditional that way.”

“Men make the rules, women follow them?” Steve wasn’t smiling anymore. “That really doesn’t sound like you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not all that typical, as I’ve said before. And really, it’s more complex than that. My mother, my auntie, my grandmother, they’re all strong women, but they were raised to respect and follow our traditions. So was I, even if they don’t always make sense to others.” 

He was listening, not arguing, and when she was done, he nodded understanding. It gave her a warm feeling not to be judged by this intense, formidable person. His next question, however, took her by surprise.

“Is that why your mother left?”

She shook her head. “Kind of the opposite. She undertook the kīkīpani haʻawina because she wanted to show how much she valued our traditions. To... honor our code.” 

“So she became a ghost.” 

Ashley looked away. “For all I knew, she really had died. Nobody but me knows who Julie Masters is, or that she was here this week.” 

That clearly surprised him. “You didn’t tell your family you saw her?”

“We’re not supposed to talk about it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re superstitious or anything. It’s more out of respect for her journey. She still hasn’t finished her kīkīpani haʻawina, and I am forbidden to interfere.” 

“Her last mission,” he said. 

“Last task,” she said. “The rules say, after that, you’re done.” 

He watched her intently. That could have been a smile on his face. “Except sometimes the rules are wrong.”

“Sometimes,” she agreed. 

“Is this one of those times?”

“I think the real question is, has my mother decided it is?” She shrugged. “I’m not sure I’m willing to break the rules enough to find out.” 

“Sounds like a tricky position to be in.” He looked at her even more closely. “How do you know she hasn’t finished the task?”

She did not look away. “Because we all know what it was.” 

“Well.” He reached over and picked up a napkin, scribbling a number on it. “If you find yourself in a position where you feel you do have to break the rules, Ashley, give me a call.”

She took the napkin, grinning. “You mean instead of going to prison?”

He shrugged. “You never know when my code might match up with yours.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x19 Ne Me'e Laua Na Paio.


	21. Fishing

Danny stomped into the bar the following week wearing a decidedly distressed expression. She set down the salt and pepper shakers she was refilling, watching him stomp around. 

“What happened?”

“Steve shattered his forearm falling off a cliff, while we were hiking in the mountains.” He glared at her expression of concern. “He’s _ fine.” _

“I’m sure. Steve took you hiking in the mountains?” She raised a suggestive eyebrow. “Sounds fun.”

“Fun? I don’t think he knows what that is. He’s all work and no play. Not… that there would have been play. Even if he hadn’t gotten hit in the head with a rock.” 

She searched his tense face for answers. “What’s going on, Danny?”

“Compared to  _ Steve shattered his arm, _ this is kind of small potatoes.” 

“You’re going to make me play twenty questions?”

He cast an aggravated look around the bar. “Well, if you must know, I told him how I feel. About him.” He sighed. “On a mountain. In front of Chin Ho.” 

“You did?” She nodded encouragingly. “All right!”

“Okay, to be clear, I didn’t  _ tell _ him tell him. I mean, I signed it to him. He was on the helicopter, it was loud, there was no way I was going to—you know,  _ shout it _ to the world.” He collapsed onto the bar stool, his forehead resting on his arms. “He probably thinks I was joking, anyway.” 

She patted his shoulder. “He knows you’re not. Chin Ho might have, though. Small steps.” 

“I am so sick of  _ small steps, _ Ash,” he groaned. “I look at him and—and I want him to take a  _ giant leap.”  _

“But he’s not.” 

“No.” He sounded petulant, like a kid denied his toy. It made her giggle, and he looked up at her in obvious frustration. “I’m so glad my messed-up life provides you with such entertainment.” 

“It’s not that. Okay, it’s not  _ just _ that.” She grinned. “I am more and more impressed with Steve all the time. Can’t you relax and appreciate what you have? Because, objectively, it’s already pretty great.” 

“I guess.” 

“And, well.” Her grin widened. “I think I have come to some conclusion about who makes the rules in this relationship.” 

He eyed her. “Are we back to talking about the slap game?”

“No, I think the jury’s still out on that one. But I do think he’s been pretty clear you’re going to have to let him set the pace. Unless you want to find out what happens when you break the rules.” 

“What do you mean, break the rules?” 

“You’re sick of waiting for him to take a leap? How about you give him a big push?”

She let Danny sit with that idea for a while. There was no way it had not occurred to him, but she knew from experience that sometimes it helped to have somebody else give you  _ permission _ to consider breaking the rules.

“How’s Steve’s arm doing now? Anything else get broken?”

“Technically, I saved his life. He gave me grief all day. First he made me handle the slimy case of raw fish at the restaurant, which—okay, did turn out to be evidence. Then he wouldn’t even let me sign his damn cast.” He sipped his beer. “We did watch fireworks, though. That was kind of nice.” 

“Mmm. I don’t know, Danny. It kind of sounds like he’s… baiting you.”

His eyes flashed. “You really think so? Baiting? … On porpoise?” 

“Dolphinately,” she agreed, with a completely straight face. “You don’t have to be a brain sturgeon to figure that out.” 

Danny muffled his shout of laughter. “I admit, sometimes he’s hard to fathom.” He leaned in and added under his breath, “You’re krilling me here.” 

“Sorry, missed that.” She cupped her ear. “I’m hard of herring. So my thinking is, he’s teasing you in order to find out if what you said—signed—was a joke, or if it was the truth. He’s not doing this for the halibut.” 

“Okay. I would buy that. Assuming it wasn’t a fluke, what should I do next?”

“Engineer a casual oppor-tuna-ty to ask. You know, no pressure.” 

He shook his head reluctantly. “I don’t know. Fishing for details with Steve… that could be a turtle disaster.” 

“But he already told you it was okay to push him, right? He said you could ask, and he might have to say no sometimes. I don’t think he was squidding.” 

“Yeah.” He rested his chin in his hand, his elbow on the bar, gazing at her fondly. “Damn. You really schooled me, Ash. You win. I’m kelpless.” 

“Kama’aina beats malihini at ocean puns any day, brah. And don’t even attempt to compete in surf puns.” 

“Yeah, I think most of them would go over my head anyway.” He tapped his cheek thoughtfully. “Let’s see. A casual, no pressure opportunity to ask…”

There was a long silence. At the end of it, Danny looked a lot more discouraged.

“You could tell him a story, about how you first told somebody else how you felt about them,” she suggested. “And then tag in at the end with confirmation about what you signed.” 

“Risky. I mean, wouldn’t he be jealous, me bringing up a story about somebody else?”

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think jealousy’s going to be an issue with him. Or you could call Mary and have her let it slip.”

“Assuming he’d believe her.” 

“Yeah. Maybe you’d better just tell him what you want.”

“What I want?” He shook his head in exasperation. “You think _ I  _ even know the answer to that?”

“I think you’d better figure it out pretty quickly. Small steps doesn’t mean no steps. Or else eventually you’re going to find yourself in bed with him, and  _ nobody’s _ going to end up getting slapped. No matter how big his mussels are.” 

_ “Ashley!” _

She grinned triumphantly. “Salmon had to say it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter took place following the episode 1x20 Ma Ke Kahakai. [Here’s the scene where Danny signs I love you to Steve](https://youtu.be/hm7GZVRKv2U?t=112). 
> 
> The fish puns were shamelessly gleaned from the internet as well as the song [Wet Dreams by Kip Adotta](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGceb4If8PY).


	22. Theoretically

Ashley was clearly not the only one to feel a little awkward when she ran into Danny and Steve on the beach, and it wasn’t just because they were in work clothes and she was in her bathing suit.

“Oh, hey, Ash,” said Steve.

Danny indicated her board. “You surf?”

“Everybody surfs but you, Danny.” She turned to Kainoa. “This is Detective Danny Williams, and his partner Steve McGarrett.”

Kainoa shook their hands. “You here for the charity benefit?”

“Just spectators,” said Steve. “We’re on duty. But we’re happy to contribute.” 

“You’re happy to let  _ me _ contribute, you mean,” Danny said, nudging him. “I don’t see you opening your wallet.”

“Who carries a wallet anymore? I donated online.” 

“Excuse me, again with the Internet payments? You remember what happened with the master cylinder?”

Kainoa smiled. “So… how long have you two been married?”

Danny sighed and stared at the ground as Steve smiled politely at Kainoa. “Nice to meet you.” 

“I’m going to check in with Kawika.” He picked up his board and waved as he jogged up the beach where the organizers were staged.

“You didn’t even correct him,” Ashley said, marveling.

“Trust me, we get that all the time,” Danny muttered. 

“I figure correcting somebody about that is kind of a dick move,” Steve added. “Makes it sound like I think there’s something wrong with two guys getting married. They can think what they want, no harm, no foul.”

“So you and this guy.” Danny gestured down the beach with his chin. “That’s working out okay?”

“It’s a reasonable distraction.” 

She laughed when Danny scowled. Steve gazed at him curiously.

“What?”

“He still doesn’t know? Steve, if he doesn’t tell you, I’ll fill you in later.”

“Excuse me, you will  _ not,” _ Danny objected, as Steve drew him away. 

Later, Kainoa only asked, “So how do you know those guys?”

“Danny’s a regular at the bar,” she said. “Steve’s—”

“His partner, yeah, you said. But, Ash, cops?”

“I’m not saying it’s not complicated, but…” She shrugged. “Danny really needed a queer friend when he came to Oahu.” 

He made a face. “It’s funny to hear you call yourself that.” 

“Watch out, it’s contagious.” She looped an arm through his. He let out an uneasy laugh. “You think I’m kidding? Hang out with more queer people; you’ll find out all the ways in which you might already be queer.” 

“I think I could roll with that,” Kainoa said after a moment.

She kissed his cheek. “See, that’s why I’m even bothering to go out with you at all.” 

* * *

Nobody but Kainoa stopped by the bar that afternoon, so by the time Danny and Steve arrived around five-thirty, she didn’t feel too bad about closing things down to make dinner for them. 

“Can’t we just have sausages?” Danny said hopefully.

“Grace wants you to eat more healthfully, and this fish is fresh,” Ashley replied. “By all rights you should be sick of my Vovó’s food by now.”

Danny looked skeptical. “Is that possible? I admit I do miss good Italian cooking, but since that is nowhere to be found on this island, it’s definitely the next best thing. That, and coco puffs.” 

She served them in the kitchen, using the mismatched plates and flatware she’d received after her uncle took on his kīkīpani haʻawina. Even Danny had to admit the fish was good. 

After they’d both had two beers, she felt prepared to ask. “All right, did you tell him? About your distraction?”

“He told me,” Steve confirmed. He gave Danny a skeptical look.  _ “Toast?” _

“You don’t get to judge me.” Danny made a dismissive gesture. “I’m sure you have had your share of distractions.”

“Not really very many, actually.”

Ashley spooned another serving of fish onto her rice. “Your sister said you tend to date people you know.” 

“Yeah, I’ll tell you what, my sister likes to talk. And she’s dated more than enough weirdos for both of us.” He turned back to Danny. “How did you end up in a relationship with three other people, anyway?”

“Well.” Danny did not look concerned by this question. “Me and Rachel plus failing marriage plus therapist equals creative solution. Which was couples dating. We met Dave and Jenny for dinner twice. After we were sure there was some compatibility between me and Jenny and between Rachel and Dave, they took us dancing.”

Ashley looked at him curiously. “You told me you don’t dance.” 

“I don’t. But she asked, and I said yes. Seriously, I wasn’t going to say no to a beautiful woman asking me anything, not when I had the permission from my wife to do—whatever we wanted.” He shrugged. “So we did. Woke up the next morning, the four of us got back together and had breakfast. Couple days later, we got to meet Emily. She wasn’t even one yet. We started seeing them two nights a week and every weekend, and it went from there. Jenny had two more kids later, before Grace was born.” 

Steve was clearly enthralled. “You got any pictures?”

Danny enthusiastically shared several photos of Emily and Grace and the twins, Tracy and Wendy. They could see Jenny in several of them, sporting shoulder-length brown hair and shining eyes, but it took a bit of searching for Danny to find one of Dave. His red hair was shading to gray at the temples, and he was smiling at Rachel like she was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.

“He and Rachel were tight for a long time,” Danny said, his voice soft with reflection. “I don’t think any of us saw it coming when Rachel decided she wanted a divorce. Things were good. Even right up until the end, they were… really good.” 

Steve paused on one of Jenny and Dave, caught in a moment of laughter. “Yeah, it looks like it. No jealousy?”

“Oh, well, sure.” Danny sounded dismissive. “But it was more, you know, situational. There’s only so much time in one week, and a lot of combinations of eight people, and sometimes, some of us lost out. Sometimes there’d be hard feelings, but I don’t think anybody ever felt like it was a bad idea we were doing this.” 

“So why’d you leave?” Ashley asked.

“Rachel and Stan went to Hawaii with Grace. I wasn’t not going to follow her.” 

They didn’t question him, even though his face, looking at the pictures, told a different story. Finally he sighed and put away his phone. 

“I would not mind another beer,” he told Ashley. 

She set several on the table, as well as the bottle opener, so they could each set their own limits. To her surprise, Steve opened a third, downing half of it quickly. 

She declined their offers to help with the dishes and left them to their conversation. Steve’s eyes did not stray far from Danny’s face.

“Those fashion models today,” Steve said. He set his empty beer bottle on the table, stretching his arms behind his head. “Both in a relationship with the same guy, one right after the other, but… talk about having two different stories.”

Danny made a  _ what-can-you-do _ gesture. “One says she’s over him; the other says she’s lying. How can you not believe the first person? She’s the one having the feelings.”

“It’s that jealousy again. I just… I don’t get it.” Steve looked legitimately baffled. 

“You’ve never had something so good you felt like you’d rather die than lose it?”

“Not so good that I would rather  _ take it _ from somebody else.” He shook his head. “No. Getting what you want is a question of strategy, not force. Force never works unless the other person has no power. In a relationship, it has to be for the good of both people, or it will fail. For everyone, I guess, if there’s more than two.” 

Danny grinned and toasted him with his beer. “The game theory of group marriage. Kind of amazing to think about it. You know, you and Dave would get along great. He loves all that strategy, war campaigns with little hexagonal cardboard pieces, the whole thing. I draw the line at fantasy football.” 

“He seemed nice on the phone.” Steve nodded at Danny. “And in those pictures. He’s a good-looking guy.” 

There was a brief silence. Then Danny offered a reluctant nod.

“Better looking in person,” he mumbled. 

“So how did it turn out Rachel and Stan got together? Did the four of you have a rule against seeing other people? I’m guessing not, if Rachel and Stan went out, or was that a transgression on her part?”

“A transgression?” Danny said it with scorn, though he was grinning. “No. You try telling Rachel she doesn’t get to do something she wants to do, and see how  _ that _ goes. No, it was more like, we didn’t have  _ time _ to do anything with anybody else. Or motivation, honestly. Especially Jenny; she wasn’t all that interested in the bedroom parts of our relationship. For her it was more about companionship, running our family together. She was a civil engineer before she had kids, and being a stay-at-home parent made her kind of antsy. We tried to arrange our work schedules so we all had a little time at home in the afternoon, so she wasn’t stuck with all the kids after school.” 

“Smart,” Steve said. “So Stan could have been part of that. He could have ended up in a relationship with all of you. Any of you.” 

“That… would not have happened.” 

“No, I’m not saying Stan, specifically, but… theoretically, right? You could do five as well as four. What if Dave wanted to start seeing somebody else?” 

Danny was clearly bewildered. “Seeing somebody else?”

“Like, if he met another woman. Or another guy, for that matter, and—”

Now Danny was staring at Steve. “What the hell, Steve? What, are  _ you  _ going to ask him out?”

Steve appeared to think this over. “Kind of a long commute.” 

He opened another beer, taking in Danny’s slack-jawed incredulity with stoicism. 

“There are a lot of options in this scenario I never considered before,” Steve went on. “I’ll have to give it some more thought.” 

“Theoretically,” Danny said, his eyes wide. 

Steve smiled. “Sure. Of course.” 

Ashley wondered if the air between them could actually ignite with the potential energy they were building up. When Danny took another drink and Steve snickered, Danny slammed the bottle down on the table.

_ “What?” _ he demanded. 

“Just…” Steve was laughing now. “Never mind. It’s inappropriate.” 

“Don’t hold back on my account,” Ashley said. 

“No, he’s going to think I’m criticizing him.” 

Danny put a flat hand on the table. “Okay, there’s no way you can give that lead-up and not say it.” 

“Well… when you and Kono went to see Kamekona today, when Marcum sent his guys to rough him up for not paying his debts. You made some smart remark about what they said, about...  _ taking a licking.” _

Ashley chuckled, and Danny shook his head in denial. “Not... like  _ that.” _

“No, it was better, because…” Steve was having trouble getting the words out now, he was laughing so hard, “because you said _you should try beating_ instead, as in _I’m gonna give you a beating_ , and—”

“You know what, you two have dirty, dirty minds,” Danny said, as Steve and Ashley both lost it. 

“He said,” Steve sputtered to Ashley, “that… that it works on a lot of different levels, and… I just—”

“Oh my  _ god.”  _

“I really think it’s a matter of preference,” Ashley offered, before they cracked up again.

“I would  _ prefer _ that you two stop talking about this!”

“Relax, Danny.” She shook her head, still smiling. “Considering you’re the one with all the threesome experience, I wouldn’t think you would be so uptight about sex. Especially after three—no, four beers.” 

Danny’s face was beet red. “It’s all in the context, okay? This was meant to be a nice dinner among friends, not an interrogation session.”

“Hey, man, I’m sorry. My bad.” Steve actually looked apologetic. “I’ll tell you what, let’s change the subject. We don’t have to talk about your relationship anymore.”

“Because it wasn’t mostly  _ about _ the sex,” Danny said. “It was about how all of us worked, as a family. We were a family, and then Rachel  _ left _ and took Grace with her, and we were—less. Pieces missing.” He ran a shaky hand over his mouth. “Being with her alone after that was just a reminder of how good it was when we were all getting what we needed.” 

“Hey,” Steve said softly. He moved over to sit in Ashley’s vacant chair beside Danny, then reached out to take his hand. Danny let him, struggling to keep talking. 

“I mean, the sex was—just sex, like in any marriage, right? Sometimes great and sometimes okay and sometimes disappointing, and—funny, and—and making it sound like something exotic or kinky is just…” He exhaled in frustration. “It’s just  _ wrong. _ It was so much more than that.” 

“No, I get it. I didn’t mean to imply it wasn’t. I mean, I can see how much you love them, still.” 

Danny withdrew from Steve’s grasp. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his face into his hands, his breathing uneven. Steve gave Ashley a worried look, but she just shook her head, gesturing to Danny.

“That’s okay,” Steve added. “It is. You don’t have to stop loving somebody just because you leave them.” 

“I can’t,” Danny said behind his hands. “I can’t keep doing that, with any of them. Not if I’m going to move on and figure out how to be on my own.” He sat up and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I have to figure this out.” 

He stood up, looking remarkably steady for someone who’d just had four beers in less than two hours, and headed for the back door. 

“Hey, Danno,” Steve said, rising to his feet.

Danny held out a forestalling hand, shaking his head. “Just—don’t.” 

They heard him push open the door, then the sound of it clicking shut. Steve stared at the hallway for a moment before turning to Ashley.

“You think I should go after him?”

“His request was not to,” she said. “Honestly, I don’t think he really knows what he wants, but I’d give him some space. Maybe he’ll figure it out.” 

He shook his head, looking distraught. “He doesn’t have to do this alone. I mean, he’s  _ not _ alone.”

She looked at Steve in sympathy. “Yes, he is, Steve. Right now, he is.” 

This clearly did not sit well with Steve, but he didn’t argue with her. He stood very still for a long moment. Finally he seemed to come to some conclusion, and he sighed. He gave her a tight smile.

“Thanks for dinner. I’m sorry about all this.” 

“Don’t apologize. It’s been coming for months.” 

His eyebrows were high on his forehead, but all he said was, “Is that right?”

She touched his arm. “Someday, I hope to tell you all about it.”

* * *

_ That woman she's got eyes that shine  
Like a pair of stolen polished dimes  
She asked to dance, I said it's fine  
I'll see you in the morning time _

_ \- [The Avett Brothers, “I And Love And You](https://youtu.be/T0eSpAgqrWo)”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events of this chapter occur after episode 1x22 Ho'ohuli Na'au.


	23. Poisoned

Ashley received a phone call in the middle of the morning from Steve. It was a strange enough occurrence that she was willing to stop in the middle of what she was doing and answer the phone. 

“Steve?”

_ “Ashley, listen to me,” _ he said. He sounded out of breath.  _ “I’m in the ambulance with Danny. They’re taking him to Queens. I want you to go to the emergency room and tell them you’re there for 5-0 support, at Steve McGarrett’s request. All right?” _

“Yes,” she said. There was no question. 

_ “Okay. Good.”  _ He sighed. _ “They’ll probably call me before they’ll let you in. That’s okay. He won’t be out of the ER for a while. I need you to be there when he’s moved from recovery, and to call me immediately when you know his status.” _

“I’m on my way.” She was already packing up her equipment and tucking it into her purse, ignoring the familiar pounding of her heart. “Can you tell me anything else?”

_ “It looks like some kind of poison, maybe biological. Ash, he may not make it.”  _

She didn’t hesitate. “Then you should call Dave.”

There was a long pause.  _ “Yeah. And Rachel. I’ll do that. Thank you.”  _

“Ke lawelawe lā naʻe hoʻi.” She said it very deliberately, so that he’d know it wasn’t a mistake. There was no way he could really understand all the nuances contained within the phrase, but she knew he would understand the gravity of her own commitment to seeing the job done. Then she hung up. 

It was a six-block walk to Queen’s Medical. She cursed herself for not wearing more practical shoes and put the phone to her ear as she hurried as quickly as she dared.

“Jack,” she said, before he could do more than grunt. “You have to put somebody else at location four this afternoon. I have another task.” 

_ “What? Nobody told me—” _

“Well, I’m telling you,” she said sharply. He subsided, as he usually did under her direction. “If they need the good binoculars, I have them with me, they can text but I’ll likely be out of cell range. Otherwise, they can use the ones in the second drawer of the china cabinet, under the silverware. Okay?”

Now he sounded scared.  _ “Ash, what’s going on?” _

“Just do it. Can you handle it?”

_ “Yeah, yeah. I’m on it.”  _ He sounded sullen, but she knew he’d follow through, even if it also meant he’d complain about it for hours later.  _ “You need me to tell Vovó to put up the lunch dishes?”  _

“Not yet.”  _ Not until I know if he’ll be alive in four hours. _ “If you don’t hear from me by six, call her then.” 

There was no please or thank you needed between them. It would have been a sign of mistrust to suggest obedience wasn’t already expected—even if every  _ hale _ from mauka to makai would have expected that obedience to flow the other direction. And why not, after all? Her mother and her grandmother had commanded similar power and respect. Ashley appreciated the idea that she was simply following in their footsteps.

She circled around Queen’s Medical to approach the emergency room on foot, through the door usually reserved for the paramedics and EMTs. It took a while for her to reach a checkpoint; possibly she just looked like she knew where she was going.

“I’m here at Steve McGarrett’s request,” she said, “for 5-0 support.” 

The receptionist nodded. “He said you would be coming. May I see your ID?”

They took her picture, then gave her a lanyard with a  _ POLICE  _ label beside a blurry printout of her face. It felt a little like she was a hen being outfitted with a fox costume, but she wasn’t about to complain about the method of access she was being offered, at least not at the moment. She had a task to complete, however unofficial. 

_ Because sometimes, _ she thought, straightening her shoulders as she entered the elevator, _ the rules are wrong. _

She walked past two agents wearing badges who had to be Chin Ho and Kono. She caught a fragment of their conversation: “… drove off with Sang Min…” Knowing that he was on the move might help telegraph some of Wo Fat’s location for the rest of the day—but no, that wasn’t her concern at the moment. 

She inquired at the nurse’s station about Detective Daniel Williams. The nurse glanced dubiously at her POLICE badge and her admittedly trashy scarf before instructing her to wait in the hallway. It was one step closer to Danny than she’d expected she would get. On the way, she swiped a notebook and ballpoint pen from the nurse’s desk.

It was the doctor himself who came out to brief her twenty minutes later. He looked grave, but he said, “Thanks to your agent’s early notification, we were able to administer the pralidoxime in time to avert the worst of the sarin’s effects on his system. We also gave him biperiden to treat the physiological symptoms of poisoning.”

She scribbled as much of this as she could make sense of in her stolen notebook. “When will he be transferred to the general ward?”

“We’ll want to keep a close eye on him for the next couple of hours to monitor the impact of the sarin on his blood plasma. He won’t likely be coherent for a good long while after that, mostly because of the sedatives we gave him, but you’re welcome to sit with him in recovery.” He hesitated. “The long term neurological effects of sarin are not one hundred percent understood. I would anticipate he will need some weeks of rest before he’s fully recovered.”

“I understand.” She felt herself breathe easily for the first time since she’d taken Steve’s call.  _ Fully recovered.  _ “Is there a place where I might use my cell phone? I… need to call my team.” 

Steve picked up before the phone could complete its first ring.  _ “Ash?” _

“He’s okay,” she said. “Doctor predicts a full recovery, given time. I’ll stay with him. It’ll be a few hours before they stop watching him.” 

_ “That’s good,” _ Steve said. She recognized that tone, the one that meant  _ I can’t really let down my guard yet. _ Part of her wondered if he ever really did.  _ “Again, thank you. I wish…”  _

“You have your own tasks.” It was weird to be saying that to a cop, but this whole thing was weird, so why not this part, too? She could offer her own kind of reassurance. “You can trust me.”

_ “I know I can.”  _ That, at least, sounded honest. It made her smile a little.  _ “I’ll come back as soon as I can.” _

It was a long wait in the hallway, but she had experience managing her impatience. Eventually, one of the many wheeled gurneys that crossed her path contained a shock of blonde hair that she recognized. She stood up, clutching her purse and notebook, and held up her printed POLICE badge on the end of her lanyard like a magical talisman. The nurse gestured to her to join them inside a curtained recovery area, where she stood to the side and made room for the many gowned individuals who wanted access to Danny’s various body parts. Finally, they left her alone with him. 

She moved to his side, touching his unresponsive arm, and said a prayer for him. She had always assumed prayers were probably useless, but that probability didn’t stop her from saying them now. 

Waiting with Danny was much harder than waiting without him, but in time the nurse did come in. She checked his vitals for the umpteenth time before turning to Ashley. “Well, then, it looks like it’s time to get Mr. Williams to a room. Will you accompany him?”

She smiled. “You’d have a hard time convincing me to be anywhere else at the moment.” 

The walk from the elevator to Danny’s room took her past some windows, at which point she received several new messages and dozens of texts, all of which she ignored. Her phone said it was two thirty-eight. 

_ He’s in room 619, _ she texted Steve.  _ I’ll stay with him. _

Steve’s arrival shortly thereafter was almost silent. He paused in the door, taking in the whole tiny room in one glance, then moved right to Danny’s bedside. His fingers carefully moved from Danny’s chest, to his neck, then his wrist, as though he wouldn’t be able to be certain he could trust any of the machines Danny was hooked up to without confirmation by his own hands. 

He looked over at Ashley, seated in the worn recliner, and smiled. “You can head home if you want.”

“Not really.”

He nodded. “Me either. Dave and Jenny boarded the nonstop from New York a few hours ago. Their plane lands in about six hours. Okay if I bring Grace in now? I just picked her up from school.” 

She blinked. “Should I go, then?”

“I think long enough to get something to eat. We’ll take a shift with him.” 

Grace was a little older than she had been in the pictures on Danny’s phone, but no less doe-eyed and inquisitive. 

“Danno?” she said doubtfully, approaching the bed. 

“He’s still asleep, but the doctor said he’ll wake up soon. You want to be here when he does?”

Grace nodded. She looked at Ashley. “Uncle Steve, who’s that?”

Before Steve could say anything, Ashley said, “My grandmother makes your dad’s favorite lunch.”

“Oh,” Grace said, breaking into a grin, “the soup-and-sausage lady.” 

Steve looked like he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or not. Ashley just shrugged. “I’ll take it. I’m going to head home and wrap up a few things, but I’ll try to be back before he wakes up.” 

She was able to exit the building without anyone engaging with her. The bus out front took her most of the way back to the bar. She picked up her mail and left the sign turned to  _ Sorry, We’re Closed.  _ Once inside, she locked the deadbolt again. Then she indulged in a few minutes of crying on the couch before wiping her eyes and hurrying upstairs to pack an overnight bag. 

Danny was indeed still comatose when she returned, showered and provisioned and dressed in more sensible clothing. Grace was coloring a picture at the table in the family waiting room. When Ashley put a box of colored pencils and a set of brushes on the table beside her, she looked up in surprise. 

“They’re watercolor pencils,” Ashley explained. “You can draw with them and then paint over them with water, and the colors get extra beautiful.” 

Of course Grace wanted to try them right away, so Ashley showed her how to tape down an extra piece of paper underneath her regular paper to absorb the excess water, and how to use just the right amount of liquid, so as not to make it too sloppy. Grace was absorbed in her work when Ashley returned to Danny’s room.

Steve was stretched out in the recliner, but his eyes opened immediately when she entered. “No change.”

“No. I gave Grace some art supplies. And, uh, I brought dinner for you.” She had actually brought enough to feed just about anyone else who happened to show up.

Steve’s mouth turned up in what looked like a smile. “Bethany at the nurse’s station said we could use the break room fridge if we label our food.” 

She held up the POLICE identification tag around her neck. “Privilege of this?”

“One of them. Also, they won’t kick us out at night, so we can take shifts if you want. Assuming he—”

There was an awkward silence in which both of them heard the words,  _ assuming he’s still alive tonight. _

“They said he’ll need time to recover, afterward. I’m not sure how long, but a while. Weeks.”

Steve grimaced, stretching his back as he sat up. “Knowing Danny, that might be the worst part of all of this. He’s not going to want to stay in the hospital for any longer than he has to.” He checked the time. “I’m going to try calling Rachel again. She’s in Madrid with her husband. I got her voice mail earlier, and I thought… well, that’s not a message I feel comfortable leaving on anybody’s machine.” 

“Probably best,” she agreed. 

She moved into the room, taking a seat in the chair beside Danny’s bed. Steve watched her in silence as she took Danny’s hand. When she gestured to him, he stood up and walked over. After a moment, he sat on the edge of the bed. 

“I know you know this is one of those risks that goes with the job,” Steve said quietly. “I also know that doesn’t make it any easier. You doing okay?”

She laughed under her breath. “You’re worried about  _ me?” _

“That’s also part of the job. You’re his friend, and, well, I have a better sense of your life now. Being here with me, with us, that can’t be easy, given the other things you’re involved in.” 

“I’ve got to say, it feels pretty uncomfortable wearing this.” She touched the POLICE tag around her neck. “I really wouldn’t want anyone I know seeing me with it on. But I can’t imagine not being here, either.” 

“As long as you’re not compromising your own rules to do it.” Steve watched her soberly as she looked at the floor. “I believe I understand how important that is to you.”

“I believe you do.” 

There was a quiet knock at the door. Then it opened, and two vaguely familiar faces peered into the room. The woman took one look at the bed and pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, my god.” 

“Jenny,” Steve said, standing, his hand outstretched, “I’m Steve McGarrett. We talked on the—”

“Of course.” She smiled through her tears as she grasped his hand in both of hers, over Danny’s bed. “Thank you so much for calling.” 

Dave’s hair was a lot more gray than it had been in the picture, but he was tall and fit and, indeed, better looking in person. He didn’t take his eyes off Danny’s unconscious form, but he remained by the door. 

“Grace is coloring a picture in the family waiting room,” Steve told him. That got Dave’s attention. When Steve came over and offered his hand, Dave shook it. “Come on, I’ll show you where she is.” 

“I’ll be right there,” Jenny called after them. She leaned over and touched Danny’s pale cheek. To Ashley, she said, “How do you know Danny?”

“Honestly? I’m his bartender.” She grinned when Jenny blinked at her in surprise. “I’m the one he tells all his secrets to.” 

“Wow.” Jenny laughed, sounding flustered. “I guess we could all use one of those. And—do you know anything about his condition?”

“He was poisoned. His doctor said they expect a full recovery, but it will take time.” 

“Oh, thank God.” She started crying again, wiping her eyes. “I never wanted—you know, the way we left things—to be the last time we saw one another.” 

“He definitely didn’t want that,” Ashley agreed. “With either of you.” 

She told Jenny how to find the family waiting room. Then she made a space for herself in the farthest corner by the window, and continued waiting as patiently as she knew how. 

Dave was the first one to return. He hovered by Danny’s bed, but didn’t sit. 

“I can go, if you’d prefer to be alone with him,” Ashley said.

Dave shook his head. “I don’t really have any right to that.” She could hear a slight Southern twang in his soft, sad voice. “Not anymore.” 

“That’s not what he told me.” Dave glanced at her, his brow furrowed, and she gestured to Danny. “He had nothing but good things to say about both of you. He misses you a lot. The whole family, but you, especially.”

Dave pressed his lips together, his breathing becoming labored. She watched as he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and passed it over his forehead. The silence in the room was oppressive, but she didn’t attempt to fill it.

“I’m glad he has a better situation here,” he said finally. “The department in Jersey, it was toxic. But Steve, he seems like a good guy.” 

“I think he is. He wants Danny to be happy.” 

Dave nodded back. “That’s all we ever wanted for him, too. It always felt like… like we were asking a lot of him, choosing a non-mainstream relationship like that. But I think deep down, he really did appreciate it, in some ways.” 

“In some ways? Try all ways.” She moved closer to the bed. “Maybe it was only in retrospect that he realized what he had, but he talks about you and Jenny and Rachel and the girls like…”

Dave was watching her. When she trailed off, he said urgently, “Like what?”

“Like it was the best thing in his life.”

Dave let out a little incredulous laugh. He turned back toward the bed, gazing at Danny. She recognized that expression. She’d seen it on Dave’s face in the photo on Danny’s phone. It was just the way he’d looked at Rachel. 

“He never really let me in,” he said softly. “He was… cutting. Cruel, with his humor. I know he was just protecting himself, but it didn’t make it easy to live with him. But then, after Rachel left, it was like all the fight went out of him. Me and Jenny, we tried to keep going, as best as we could. To make it okay. To give him what he needed.” He let his fingers trail over Danny’s bare arm. “I don’t think I ever figured out what that was. I wish I’d asked more questions. I guess I thought we had more time.”

She had a sense he’d never quite managed to say most of these words before. It was touching, but given that the man he was saying them about was comatose, she felt like she had to speak up on Danny’s behalf.

“Being with you helped him come to terms with a lot of things. About what he needs, but also about what he wants to give. He  _ wants _ to be with you.” 

It was hard not to be on the side of this gentle man, even as she evaluated what she was suggesting. She didn’t really want Danny to leave Hawaii and move back to New Jersey, naturally—but that was less important than what Danny wanted. Even if what she thought he needed was something else. 

When she turned her head toward the door, she realized Steve was standing behind it. She had no idea how long he’d been there. His eyes were fixed on Dave stroking Danny’s arm. He didn’t look angry, exactly, but something was definitely brewing under the surface.

And then Danny stirred, swallowed, his lips parting, and Steve moved into alert mode. For a moment, Danny’s brow furrowed in what appeared to be pain. Then he opened his eyes to see Dave standing over him, and his forehead smoothed as he smiled. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “Where’d you come from?”

Dave laughed brokenly. He rested his hand on Danny’s chest, and Danny put a hand on top of his. 

“There’s this thing called an airplane. Anyway, your mother never would have forgiven us if we hadn’t come.” 

“We?” Danny blinked his eyes open, glancing around before letting them close again. “Jenny? The girls?”

“The girls are at home with your mother. Jenny’s in the other room. I’ll go get her.” 

“Dave,” Danny begged, “wait, just—I have to tell you.” 

He leaned into the curve of Danny’s reaching hand, letting himself be hugged, and sighed in relief. “I know.”

Ashley turned away from their sweet, oblivious reunion in time to witness Steve’s reaction. He hadn’t moved one inch from where he stood, still hidden from Danny’s view behind the door, but now his cheeks were wet and his eyes were closed. It was as if he was staying there on purpose, to see how much torture he could stand before he broke. Ashley guessed Steve McGarrett could withstand a lot.

Finally she stepped forward into Danny’s field of vision and smiled. “Howzit, brah?”

“Ash,” he murmured, smiling. “Should’ve known you’d be behind this.” 

“Not this time.” She glanced up at Dave’s adoring expression, then back to Danny. “You’ve got a lot of fans. You ready to see Grace? Or should I have Jenny come in first?”

“Grace.” Danny struggled to sit up, and Dave was right there to support him. “Can you—?”

Ashley was already on her way to the door, but Steve was faster. She followed him down the hall toward the family waiting room. 

“He’ll want to see you, too,” she called after him. 

“Sure,” Steve said, without turning around. 

Ashley remained in the hallway for a while, watching the traffic move in and out of Danny’s room in varying combinations, until finally Steve and Grace emerged together. When Steve nodded encouragement to Grace, she approached Ashley. 

“Danno wants some soup,” she said. “I told him no sausages.” 

Ashley smiled. “Good thing I brought soup. But I’ll tell you a secret. It has sausages  _ inside _ the soup.” 

“Oh.” Grace looked torn, but finally shrugged. “I guess that’s okay.” 

With the permission of the nurses, who had some questions about the ingredients and how much sodium—Ashley just flat-out lied about that—they warmed up the soup she’d brought and served it to him on a tray. Danny was able to sit up and eat, but only a little. It wasn’t long before his eyes slipped closed again. 

“There’s food for everyone,” Ashley told them, but she wasn’t surprised when Steve made an excuse about having to go back to work. 

“I’ll come by later,” he said, his expression shuttered. She didn’t press him to share more. 

Dave and Jenny were even sweeter than Danny had made them out to be. It was impossible not to like them, even if she’d been motivated not to, which she wasn’t. Grace stayed by Jenny’s side the whole time, snuggled into her arm, and chattered about school and Hawaii.

Eventually Ashley took a few moments to check in with Jack, who was annoyed as all hell that she’d just disappeared with no warning, but who’d also done everything she’d told him to, as well as a few things she hadn’t. 

_ “When will you be back? _ ” he wanted to know.

“Soon. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll let you know.” 

_ “Well, at least call Kainoa. I have no idea what to tell him.”  _

She felt a stab of remorse. It hadn’t even occurred to her to think about Kainoa once over the past eight hours. “I will,” she promised. 

Maybe that was the difference between friends and ohana, she thought, clearing up the empty takeaway containers of sausages. Friends were nice to have, but when things got complicated and scary, ohana were the people you needed by your side.

* * *

_ When at first I learned to speak  
I used all my words to fight  
With him and her and you and me  
Ah, but it's just a waste of time  
Yeah, it's such a waste of time _

_ \- [The Avett Brothers, “I And Love And You](https://youtu.be/T0eSpAgqrWo)”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events of this episode occur during the first half of episode 1x23 Ua Hiki Mai Kapalena Pau.


	24. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter falls within a several-week interlude, inserted approximately into the center of episode 1x23, to fix the entirely unrealistic idea that one can just spring out of bed following exposure to sarin gas and return to work. I thought of Danny’s hospital stay at the end of the chapter as the one depicted in the second half of episode 1x23. -amy

Ashley was making change for Kaloi when the phone rang, right on time. She grinned, pushing the coins at him. 

“It’s your cop,” he said, with mock disgust. 

She made a dismissive noise as he waved and took off. She appreciated that Kaloi was not only aware of Danny’s daily call, but that he cared enough to tease her about it. 

“All right,” she said into the phone. “What’s the achievement of the day?”

 _“Vision is improved,”_ Dave reported. _“He’s not any less grumpy about me testing it, though.”_

“I would be shocked to discover anything less. Did you finish the memory assessment?

_“Most of it. So far the results are in normal range. Studies are unclear about how far out those effects happen, though. I’m thinking he’s going to want to repeat it in two weeks. And it might make sense for him to do those brain-game activities with Tracy and Emily for a while, too. Get a sense of his new normal over time.”_

“Sounds like a plan. All right, hand over the phone.” 

_“He’s just finishing dinner.”_ She could hear Danny’s muffled voice in the background. _“I won’t. How would I know that?”_ He sighed. _“He wants to know if Kainoa ever called you back.”_

“You can tell him we’re taking a break. Or I will tell him myself in thirty seconds. How are you doing, Dave?”

 _“I’m ready to go back to work,”_ he said. She could hear his smile. _“Let’s say some people are hard to live with 24-7. Here’s Danny. Talk to you tomorrow.”_

There was barely a pause before Danny said, _“Some people have unrealistic expectations about not leaving dishes in the sink.”_

“Well, then, you can just use paper plates, you slovenly haole. I hear you can see things better today.” 

_“According to the test, there is still room to improve. I am here to tell you that the test is BS, and I can see perfectly well. But I am not interested in complaining, because I am trying to be accommodating and keep things positive.”_

She couldn’t help giggling. “The alternative is that Dave strangles you in your sleep.”

_“He may still do that. If we don’t call tomorrow, you’ll know why.”_

“You sound good, brah.” 

_“New York is not Jersey, but it does hold a similarly smoggy and congested appeal.”_ She heard the door open and close, and the muted sounds of the city in the background. 

“And you’re being properly appreciative of Dave’s attentive care?”

 _“He has not yet complained about the frequency nor the technique of my appreciation. To which I will add I am not complaining about his, either.”_ He let out a contented sigh _. “I do remember at some point the novelty of having somebody in my bed every morning does wear off, but—nope, not so far.”_

“Well, there has to be some advantage to living with your lover, or one of them, at least. Any forward movement toward consolidating households?”

_“Once I’m confirmed well enough to take care of the girls without supervision. It’s all talk at this point, but I do expect an all-clear from Dr. Harrison in the near future. Which means I’ll be allowed to drive again, hallelujah.”_

“Does that mean you’ll also be cleared to go back to work?”

 _“Here’s hoping.”_ He didn’t sound like he was in any hurry, though. _“I’m just not sure what I’d do. Dave’s convinced me not to try to get my old job back with the Jersey police department, but it’s hard to imagine what the alternative might be.”_

“I was assuming Daniel Williams, PI, was just over the horizon.” 

He laughed derisively. _“Do you have any idea the hoops I’d have to jump through to get my private investigator license in New York? It would be like being a trainee all over again. I’ll pass.”_

“Did you talk to Steve? Maybe he has some ideas.” 

There was a long pause. _“Well, he hasn’t returned any of my calls this week. I was guessing he was busy.”_

“Probably. I don’t think it would hurt to keep trying to reach him.” 

Ashley didn’t mention that Steve had brought Catherine to the bar three days before. It had been nice to see him have an opportunity to smile. 

_“It’s weird. I miss Hawaii. That’s something I never expected. Not just you and the 5-0 and the bar, but the actual place.”_

“And Steve?”

 _“Yeah, well.”_ Danny sighed. _“He’s the one who encouraged me to take Dave up on his offer, right? That sounds like a pretty clear decision on his part. I’m not sure how much it matters if I miss him or not.”_

That was the most she’d heard Danny talk about Steve since he’d arrived in Brooklyn. She knew Steve and Dave were communicating via text and email, although she wasn’t certain Danny was aware of that. 

“Maybe he’s still pissed that you left for Brooklyn without telling him you were leaving.”

_“He can suck it up and give me the benefit of the doubt.”_

“Bottom line, just like all of us, he wants you to be happy.” 

_“Bottom line, Ash, you know it’s not that simple. I’ve been where he is, and it’s not fun. I get why he backed off.”_

That was probably accurate, but Ashley wasn’t going to admit that to Danny. 

_“Anyway, assuming I get the okay from Dr. Harrison, I’m coming down to Oahu next weekend to see Grace. Just me; Dave would fly free, but he needs to be home with Jenny and the kids, not wasting his weekend taking care of a sick ex-cop.”_

“Well, if you do come, you should be aware I’m totally going to monopolize all your free time.” 

_“Works for me,”_ he said cheerfully. _“I’m planning to fly in Thursday night. Hopefully I can arrange for someone to sublet my house before I come back here. Other than that, I have no specific plans. I’m still on medical leave.”_

“Which means you are going to rest,” she stressed.

_“I am sick to death of resting, Ashley.”_

“Yeah, you’re using a different meaning of the word _rest_ than I’ve come across before. It’s not supposed to be synonymous with _fuck like bunnies.”_

 _“Resting comes after. And a guy’s got to get some exercise, right?”_ There was a pause. _“I’d better go. Talk to you tomorrow.”_

“Later, brah.” 

She had once again managed to avoid telling the truth about Kainoa. Maybe at some point, she would just come out with it, but as long as she could avoid it, that was easier. 

There was also the question of Dave’s opinion about Danny’s health, which he’d shared with both her and Steve. _He’s not as okay as he says he is. He has daily headaches and tremors. He says they’re nothing, but he just doesn’t want you to worry._

Steve had stopped sharing his worries about Danny with her, or any other thoughts, for that matter. As far as she could tell, he wasn’t really talking to anybody except for Catherine, and Ashley didn’t know her well enough to ask her if he was okay. She guessed it was much the same situation for Steve as it was for Danny: he didn’t want anyone to worry. Maybe he even really did think he _was_ okay. She hoped, in time, he would be.

* * *

_Load the car and write the note  
Grab your bag and grab your coat  
Tell the ones that need to know  
We are headed north _

_Ah, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in  
Are you aware the shape I'm in?  
My hands they shake, my head it spins  
Ah, Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in _

_-[The Avett Brothers, “I And Love And You](https://youtu.be/T0eSpAgqrWo%C2%A0)” _

* * *

Danny glanced around the terminal as he emerged from the escalator, bearing a small suitcase and a large shopping bag. “Just you?”

Ashley pretended to be offended. “Talk about gratitude.” Then she made him put down the bags and hugged him for a long time. “You’ve lost weight. And not in a pleasant way.” 

“My doctor would disagree. He says I’m fit as a whole orchestra.” He flexed his biceps. “And I’ve been exercising, thanks to Dave’s home gym setup. Not a euphemism. Is someone coming to pick us up?”

“I borrowed my father’s delivery van. I didn’t know how much stuff you would be bringing.” 

“Just me this time.” He tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his disappointment. “And gifts for Grace. This suitcase is mostly empty; I’ll fill it up to bring back to Brooklyn.” He gave her a sidelong smile. “Hey, it’s good to see you.” 

“Now you get to be a tourist. Tomorrow, we’ll get your car from Rachel’s and I will be your chauffeur. You and Grace can pick anything you want to do.”

That seemed to cheer him up. She dropped him off at his house and returned the van to the alley behind her grandmother’s house. 

Before bed, she sent Steve a text. _Danny’s in town for the weekend._

She didn’t really expect him to send a reply, but he did. _How’s he look?_

_Skinny. No tremors that I could see. Cognitively he seemed on point._

It took him a while to reply, but when he did, it was just one word: _Good._

* * *

It was the middle of the night when she heard her phone buzz again. She pushed the button and put it to her ear without looking at it. “What?”

 _“Ash.”_ She could barely make out the words, but it was Danny. _“Ash, I—I think I had a seizure.”_

“Where are you?” She was already fumbling on the floor for last night’s clothes. 

_“At my house. I can’t—I can’t see anything.”_ He was shivering, or possibly crying, it was hard to tell. _“I don’t know what happened. I called Steve and he didn’t pick up.”_

“Don’t move,” she ordered. “I’m going to call an ambulance and they’ll come to get you. Just stay where you are.” 

It took fifteen minutes from when she called the ambulance to the time the cab arrived to pick her up. On her way to the hospital, she also called Steve and left a brief message for him to call her. She knew it was already morning in New Jersey, but she wanted more information before she disrupted Dave and Jenny’s first day together in weeks. 

She had a strong sense of deja vu returning to the same hospital ER where they’d been three weeks before. This time she had no POLICE tag. It was eerily quiet in the waiting room. 

“Are you his wife?” the resident on call asked her when the paramedics brought Danny in. 

“A friend of the family,” she told them. “He’s… just visiting Hawaii.” 

They wouldn’t even let her go back to see him because she wasn’t a relative. Somehow that was the most depressing thing to happen that night, knowing Danny was having to face this confusion and uncertainty alone. 

Eventually the resident decided to admit him. “In a few hours, we can get a more meaningful consult about sarin and possible treatment,” they said, “but at the moment, the best we can do is stabilize him and help him sleep. You can come back and visit in the morning.” 

It was a reasonable response, but she wasn’t feeling all that reasonable at the moment. From the parking lot, she called Steve again. 

“I’m coming to your house,” she said, “unless you call me back right now.” 

It was a bluff; she still didn’t know exactly where he lived. Luckily he didn’t call her on it. Her phone rang.

 _“What the hell,”_ Steve said. _“It’s four-fifteen.”_

“Tell me you were asleep? I’m at Queens’. They admitted Danny a few minutes ago. He had a seizure, and now they won’t let me see him.”

Steve swore. Then he said, _“I’m on my way.”_

Dave answered her call amid raucous, girlish laughter, but as soon as she explained what had happened to Danny, he closed himself into the bathroom and grilled her with questions, only a few of which she could answer. 

“I want to call Rachel, but I don’t have her number,” said Ashley. “Would you call her and tell her what’s happening?”

Rachel called her back within minutes. She seemed worried, but resolute.

 _“I was out of the country when he got hit by sarin,”_ she said, _“and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to come back to see him now. Stan and his vacation can take a flying leap. I just have to figure out what to do about Grace; Danny was planning to pick her up from school today.”_

“We can take care of that,” Ashley told her. “I know he’ll be happy to see you.” 

Ashley wasn’t completely sure that was true, but if there was ever a time to revert to safe, comfortable things, it was during a crisis. She knew Rachel could provide safe and comfortable, at least. Even better, it sounded like she was willing to ditch Stan to do it. 

Steve stalked right past her when he arrived and flashed his badge to the nurse at the counter. 

“We’re going to need access to Danny Williams’ hospital room,” he said. “He’s part of an ongoing investigation.” 

It was a remarkably short time before they were directed up to the fourth floor. Ashley started down the hallway toward Danny’s room before realizing Steve was not following her. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going home, Ash.” 

“Look,” she snapped, “this has gone on long enough.” 

“I don’t think you get to be the one to decide that.” 

She glared at him, though he seemed unmoved. “At least pick up Grace from school and bring her over this afternoon. He’ll be glad to see you.” 

“It’s not about—” He cut himself off, tightening his mouth. “All right. I’ll pick up Grace.” 

Although she still had a million questions, she wasn’t sure she had the right to demand answers to any of them. She waited until he’d disappeared into the elevator, and then went to wait for Danny to wake up. 

For men of action, she thought grumpily, they sure required a lot of _waiting._

* * *

While Grace presented Danny with her masterpiece drawing, Ashley waited in the hallway. Steve came out, shaking his head. 

“He’s on Grace’s cell phone with Rachel right now. What’s he saying? _I’m fine._ That’s bullshit. What happened to all that communicating he was doing?” 

She sniffed. “I should ask you the same thing.” 

“I’m talking about with his ex-wife. If they’re really trying to get back together, he can’t be pulling that stuff with her. Or with Dave and Jenny, for that matter.” 

“I really don’t think immersing yourself in one relationship in order to avoid dealing with another one is a good pattern.” 

Steve frowned. “You think Rachel’s a bad pattern?”

“You think I’m talking about Rachel?” she countered.

That gave him pause, but he didn’t address her comment. “Look, Rachel will be here soon. I’m heading back into HQ. I’ll come by later to check on Grace.”

“If that’s what you want, Steve.”

He gritted his teeth and got in her face, his voice low and careful. “Listen to me closely, all right? This is not about what I want. It has nothing to do with _me.”_

She watched him walk away. Her heart was heavy with more than worry for Danny’s health, and the worst part was knowing there was nothing she could do about it. 

Ashley stayed with Danny and Grace for the rest of the afternoon. When the resident came in and informed him they needed to do some tests, and Danny tried the _fine_ excuse, she said to the resident, “He’s been having regular headaches. And his hands are shaking.” 

He stared at her in shock and confusion. “What the hell? In front of Grace?”

“At least she’ll know the truth,” Ashley shot back. Grace nodded without hesitation. 

Danny leaned back against the pillows, exhaling his annoyance, but he answered the rest of the resident’s questions without complaint.

“I’ve been a little dizzy,” he said. “Trouble with my balance. And, uh, some nausea.”

He was quieter when the resident left. 

“Are you okay, Danno?” Grace asked anxiously. 

“I’m still getting better,” he told her. “But I promise you, monkey, I will get out of here, okay, and we will spend a nice weekend together soon.” 

Ashley remained until Rachel arrived, after which she slipped out and moved to the family waiting room. 

She gave Dave a brief text report in the middle of the day. He replied, _Thanks, I got a message from Rachel, too._

 _Really._ That was a surprise. _I didn’t know the two of you were talking._

_We weren’t, until today. I got the impression she thought I didn’t want to hear from her._

Ashley sighed. _Yeah, there’s been a lot of that going around lately._

When Steve stopped by much later, he came looking for Ashley. There was a little smile on his face. He held something in his hands.

“Rachel’s curled up asleep with Danny on his bed,” he said. “He shushed me when I stopped in. I think he was as surprised as I was to find her there.” 

“You want to wait here with me for her to wake up?”

“Yeah. Give him some time to enjoy it.” 

She pointed at the object in his hands. “What’s that?”

“It’s a Japanese war medal.” He handed it to her. “I have no idea what it means or who it belonged to. It was in my father’s tool chest, where he kept all the evidence from the case he was investigating before his death. The items were lost, but somebody’s been mailing them back to me, one at a time.”

Ashley stared at the medal. “For real?”

“Yeah. It’s a mystery.” 

She had no idea what to tell him, so she just handed it back. “I hope you figure it out. You want me to check on Danny?”

“I’m hoping he went back to sleep.” He sat down next to her, his elbows leaning on his knees. “He’s been sleeping a lot?”

“Not according to Dave. He says he’s been waking up at night. You know how your sleep schedule gets disrupted when you move in with somebody.” 

Steve shrugged. “That’s something I’ve never done.” 

“You’ve never had a live-in partner?”

“Not unless you count the Navy.” He scratched his ear. “You think he likes it? Living with somebody?”

“Living with Dave, you mean.” 

“Well, that’s who he’s living with.” He spoke quickly, not with anger, but with barely suppressed tension. The Steve McGarrett spring was apparently wound especially tightly regarding this topic.

“I think it suits him. I also think he’s Danny, which means he’s probably getting on Dave’s last nerve. Dave doesn’t exactly complain, but I can tell it’s wearing on him, this temporary setup. He wasn’t prepared to play house.” 

Steve’s brow drew down. “What do you mean? That’s not—they’re not playing.”

“Maybe that’s what Danny thinks. But they’re in a studio apartment in Brooklyn, where Dave stays for work. Dave _has_ his own home, with Jenny and his kids. Even when Danny and Rachel were there, they never lived with them. If you ask me, Dave’s not prepared to have Danny as another primary partner, even if Danny were perfectly healthy.” 

She watched Steve absorb and process this. It didn’t take long.

“You’re saying Danny likes it, but it isn’t what’s best for all of them? That it won’t work in the long term?”

“I think it’s working for now.” She gave him a pointed look. “Except it really isn’t about me.” 

“All right, but he listens to you.” 

“He’d listen to you, too, if you’d talk to him, Steve.” 

He was shaking his head, like he’d already made up his mind. “Yeah, but he doesn’t need his boss telling him what to do. Former boss.” 

“He hasn’t quit 5-0 yet. Honestly, I think that might be your safest in. At least he admits he misses the job.” 

Steve was silent. He sat back in the chair, staring at the wall. 

“He misses _you,”_ she added, but he put a hand in the air.

“I can’t hear that.” It came out barely more than a whisper. “Not right now.”

“What, this whole near-death experience isn’t enough to convince you not to wait any longer to talk with him?” 

He gave her an exasperated look. “My whole life is a near-death experience, Ashley. It’s not the right time. This can’t be my priority right now, not with everything that’s happening. Wo Fat’s almost within our grasp, and Shelburne—” His eyes widened as she couldn’t help letting out a noise. “You know what that is?”

“I’m not sharing intel with _cops,_ ” she spat. “Don’t get distracted. How can a relationship like this ever stop being a priority?”

“Excuse me?” For whatever reason, Steve looked shaken. 

“Don’t play dumb with me. Or maybe you’ve convinced yourself you have a choice not to have these feelings. For fuck’s sake, Steve, you’re not going to pretend this doesn’t _matter._ To you, to him, to both of you. Hell, I’m not even in it and I knew, from _day one,_ the effect you had on him. Still have on him.” 

Steve jerked back, his fists pressed to his gut, like she’d cut him open and he was struggling to keep it all together. 

“So yeah,” she said, feeling somewhat ruthless, but there was no assurance he’d ever be sitting beside her like this again, ready to hear what she had to say. “I think you need to do it, now.”

“Now?” He looked at the door in alarm. “You mean, _now,_ now? In the hospital? With Rachel—”

She made a frustrated noise. “Are you telling yourself you’re going to wait until the next time he almost dies?”

Steve was already rising to his feet. He shook his head. “No. I’m not telling anybody anything.” 

She followed him only far enough to be able to tell that he was heading for the elevator rather than Danny’s room, and sighed. So much for being ready to hear what she had to say. 

She wrote a text to Rachel on her way to the bus stop. _This is Ashley. I’m not far away, so when you’re ready to take Grace home, let me know and I’ll come back to the hospital to sit with Danny._

The response came over an hour later, which gave her more than enough time to shower and get something to eat. _You’ve been more than kind. I know Danny really depends on you._

 _It’s mutual,_ she replied.

In many ways, she knew it was. Their friendship was a strange one. She guessed she was providing a placeholder for the kind of intimacy Danny was craving. It didn’t feel bad, but she was growing more impatient on his behalf. Danny deserved to _actually_ be satisfied by his relationships, not to think he was getting what he needed simply because he was finally having good sex. And Steve… she scowled. They hadn’t reached the end of _that_ conversation.

The knock on the front door startled her, mostly because the sign was still turned to _Sorry, We’re Closed,_ with an additional hand-written note for her regulars explaining there had been a family emergency. She looked through the front window and saw Steve standing there, holding something in his hands. With mild trepidation, she unlocked the door and opened it.

“This will be brief, I promise,” he said.

She let him in, looking at the envelope he was holding. It was addressed to Danny. 

“First, I apologize for my emotional outburst at the hospital today. You didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of that.” 

She just nodded. She didn’t think she was in a position to tell him _you don’t have to apologize for having feelings,_ no matter what she thought.

“Second, I considered what you asked me to do.” He handed her the letter. “This is it. Please don’t mail it.” 

She nodded again. “What _do_ you want me to do with it, then?”

“Hold onto it. In case… I guess, if in your opinion, there’s no other alternative. If something happens to me. If he does something stupid.” 

“He’s already doing something stupid.” 

“Well, something unforgivably stupid, then.” He pointed at the letter. “That’s everything I could think of to say.” 

“What if I just brought it to the hospital and gave it to him right now?”

He took a deep breath and let it out, then shrugged. “I don’t think you’ll do that. But if you really think you have to, I trust you.” 

It would probably have been a big ask if she’d been any other person, but as it was, it just felt like the kindest compliment. _I trust you with him,_ Steve was saying. 

She reached out and took his hand. “Ke lawelawe lā naʻe hoʻi, Steve. I promise.”

* * *

_I need for something_   
_ Now let me break it down again  
I need for something  
But not more medicine _

_ Something has me  
Oh something has me  
Acting like someone I don't wanna be  
Something has me  
Oh something has me  
Acting like someone I know isn't me  
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed _

_ \- [The Avett Brothers, “Ill with Want](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWoNCxq7bGA)”  _


	25. Choice

“No phone call today?” Kaloi asked, as she handed him his soup and poi.

“Phone call?” She had to think about what he meant for a moment. “Oh—you mean from my cop. No, he’s back on the island.”

“He was sick, right?”

“He was,” she agreed. “He’s mostly better now. Better enough to be back at work, anyway.” 

It surprised everyone except for Ashley that Danny decided to return to 5-0. Of all the things in the world that fell into Danny’s category of safe and uncomplicated, working a case was number one on the list. Rachel was the least happy about it, but Jenny was resigned, and Dave was pleased. 

How Steve felt, she had no idea, but it did seem to be business as usual for their team. When she asked Danny if he would be returning to the mainland anytime soon, he just said  _ I’m running a little low on sick time _ . She wasn’t about to push him. 

* * *

Danny’s convalescence was officially over, but Dave asked Ashley to keep an eye on him in an unofficial capacity. She got Danny to agree to regular early morning walks in the botanical garden. It was nice to have his company outside of the bar, but it also meant, without the aid of alcohol, he was seldom quite as forthcoming.

“What’s new with you?” she asked when he arrived that morning. She watched him smile and flush.

“So I, uh… me and Rachel, we’ve been…” 

He made a gesture that was unequivocal. Ashley managed to keep a straight face.

“And how is that going?”

“Well, it…” Danny shrugged. “It’s going about as well as it ever has, which is to say it’s probably not what she’s hoping for. My pillow talk this morning centered on how flawless Elvis’s hair and clothes were, if that tells you something.” He ran a hand over his face. “God, how gay am I? Really.”

“You think she’s going to leave Stan?”

“I think if she does, it won’t be about wanting to get back together with me. Which is as it should be.” He shrugged again. “But it’s pretty obvious she’s not happy. And she likes being part of a family just as much as I do. I’m hoping we might have a chance to get that back.” 

She sighed. “Danny, you do recall there are reasons why the two of you didn’t work out the first time?”

“I know. I really do recall that.” He put his hands in his pockets as they turned the corner toward the prehistoric glen. “And I also know I would do a lot to have Grace and me in the same house again. All the girls in the same house, with all of us.” 

“Not to mention Dave.” 

He nodded without hesitation. “I can’t pretend I didn’t get something out of being honest and up-front about bedroom stuff for a change. Seriously, I think I kind of blew his mind. But it’s not the only thing I’m thinking about here. Let’s say it’s a factor.” 

“Have you talked to him about it? Or Jenny? Or, I don’t know, all three of them at the same time?” 

“Let’s not go crazy, now.” She could tell he was joking, but she could also hear the unease in his voice.

“Danny, I know you’re not the planner in that relationship, but you’ve got to at least tell them what you want. Or else all this is happening in your head, where nobody can hear your thinking but you.”

“And you,” he pointed out.

“And me. Except no. I’m not going to be your go-between.” She took his hand. “I will be your advocate, though. As well as continuing to be your gay sex cheerleader.”

“Rah,” Danny said, grinning as he raised a fist. “My advocate? What does that entail?”

“Helping you figure out what to say in order to get what you want.” 

“Oh. Which means I need to know what I want first.” He let out a little laugh. “I can’t say I’m any closer to figuring that out.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s true. You’ve come a long way in a year. Nobody is going to expect you to know everything all the time, but look at the things you’re doing. You’re talking to your friends, you’re looking critically at your own desires. You’re making choices that lead you where you want to go.” She nodded encouragement, and he smiled, clearly embarrassed. “That’s great.”

He shook his head in amazement. “I don’t know how you figured out all this stuff, Ash. I sure as hell didn’t know how relationships worked when I was twenty-six.”

“Twenty-seven, now,” she said. “My birthday was in April.” 

“Hey, what?” He looked alarmed. “That’s not cool. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were in the hospital.” 

“Oh.” He grimaced. “Sorry. Well, I should put it on my calendar for next year, at least.” 

“That’s another great thing: you’re apologizing. Actual apologies, where you mean it, you admit you were wrong, and you plan what to do in order for it not to happen again.” She squeezed his hand. “Anybody else you need to apologize to?”

He looked at her, bemused. “I’m thinking you mean Steve. Because he’s the one you talk to me about, instead of saying his name.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what I would apologize for. Do you think I need to apologize to him?”

“It’s possible he thinks you do. I’m thinking back to an earlier conversation I heard between the two of you, in which you told him a real hero apologizes, even if they don’t know why. Not that I agree with that in all circumstances, but…” She shrugged. “Maybe he’s waiting for that.” 

“And then what would happen, exactly?” He sounded resigned. “I don’t know what you want from me here.” 

“Are you happy with the way things are with him now?”

“Not really, no.”

“Do you feel any differently about him than you did two months ago?”

The silence went on longer this time. When she looked over at him, he looked like he was on the verge of tears. She tugged him to a halt and put her arms around him, feeling his shuddering breath.

“I don’t really want to continue to feel like this,” he admitted. “I thought… I think I was hoping it would go away if I waited long enough.” 

“Yeah, but how well is that working?”

“Maybe I haven’t waited long enough yet?”

“Maybe you need to talk with him.” 

He shook his head. “Opening old wounds is not something I do, Ash. I’d rather let them fester.”

She grinned up at him. “That is a very powerful insight, Danny. Now, I’m willing to hand you the knife, and even give you some anesthetic, but you’re going to have to be the one to cut into the wound.” 

“Yuck. That’s worse than gutting fish.” 

“I know.” She patted his arm. “But there’s a reason why we gut them before we eat them.”

He shuddered. “That is possibly too gross of a metaphor for me to handle at this time of the morning.” 

But he didn’t say anything for several minutes as they continued through the upper terrace, and she knew he had to be considering it.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you talk to him?” she asked, trying to make it sound casual.

He blew out a breath. “He might never talk to me again?”

“Which he is already doing. Not doing.”

“True.”

“So what about the other side of that question?”

“Hmm?” He was still lost in thought.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you  _ don’t  _ talk to him about it?”

He nodded slowly. “We’re back to the festering wound, aren’t we.” 

“Well, I don’t know if you can  _ really _ die of a broken heart, but—” She paused when she saw the stricken look on his face. “Oh, Danny.” 

This time he did cry when she hugged him. It was brief, but it felt like an acknowledgement of something she’d never heard him say. She rested her cheek on his shoulder.

“It’s not too late,” she murmured.

“I’m not even thinking about that.” His sentences came out in fragments. “I can’t get past—the immediate crisis. I’m in survival mode, and—and the only way I can cope without him feels like—like learning how to breathe something other than air.” He laughed again, more hysterically this time. “Which is seriously way more dramatic than I ever thought I’d be, about anything.” 

She waited as he wiped his eyes and blew his nose, thinking about what her Vovó had said. “Maybe there’s something about this that’s more essential than anything you’ve experienced before.” 

He gave her a dubious look. “I don’t really follow.” 

“Yeah, I don’t really either,” she admitted. “I don’t actually believe in things like fate or destiny.” 

That threw him back into startled silence for a long while, long enough for them to make it around to the herb garden. 

“I don’t know,” he said. This time he didn’t sound skeptical or dismissive, or even resistant. He was just… scared. “Destiny? Would that imply I have an obligation to the universe or God or something to stay connected with him?” 

“I don’t think obligation is enough of a reason to follow through on being a good friend,” she said firmly. “It doesn’t have to matter how important it is to him, or to—to the grand scheme of things, for you to be honest with him. Do it for yourself. Rip the bandaid off, gut the fish, whatever metaphor you want to use. Just—”

“Just slap him,” Danny said. His fear had apparently subsided. He was even smiling.

“Well, uh.” She laughed. “I would start by talking?”

“Yeah, you would.” He regarded her fondly. “Maybe that’s one of those gender differences you don’t think exist.” 

She gave him a warning shove. “Hey, at this point, I’m going to say go with whatever works.” 

* * *

She heard from Danny again a few hours later, just a few minutes after she switched the sign on the door of the bar to  _ Open—Please Come In. _

_ “Ash, I have to know… the governor of Hawaii, is she on that list of yours? The Order of somebody’s hammer?” _

“Danny!” she hissed, gritting her teeth. “Over the phone? Really?” 

_ “I don’t have time, okay? I don’t have time and I need to know, now.”  _ He definitely sounded frantic.  _ “Can you find out if she’s on the updated list? Please?” _

“I—hang on.” She paced the room, then sighed. “I’ll call you back in ten minutes. I  _ really _ shouldn’t be talking about this on the phone. Can’t you come over?”

_ “I can’t yet. This is big, and I don’t know how long I’ve got. Call me.”  _

The desperation in his voice drove her to hurry down the street to Vovó’s rather than trying to reach Auntie Lottie. Auntie had her own tasks to manage, and it was better for them not to overlap more than necessary. Vovó was already somebody she saw every day—and nobody could make things happen quickly like Vovó.

She welcomed Ashley at the door, but her smile vanished immediately when she saw her face. “What happened, keiki?”

“I need a name off the current list for the Order of Burton’s Gavel.” 

Vovó frowned. “For your Danny.” 

There was no point in trying to hide it. “Yes.” 

“We don’t work for the police.” Her grandmother was already moving toward the desk. 

“It’s personal.” 

“It shouldn’t be.” She gave Ashley a quick reproving look over her glasses before sorting through the top drawer. “Unless you’re telling me you’re ready to begin your kīkīpani haʻawina.”

Ashley blanched. “No—no, Vovó, This isn’t about that.” 

“You know, your mother said she wasn’t either. But she came to the conclusion that she was.” Vovó held the list loosely in her hand, as though she were waiting for Ashley to take it. “Make a decision before you ask for this. Is it worth it?”

“No,” she said again. 

Her voice was soft, persuasive. “Would it be worth it  _ after  _ someone you love is killed?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Well, as you can see, I have not yet begun mine, either. I was never able to rank my desires above others’ lives.” She fixed her gaze on Ashley. “The act of revenge is one of finality. You don’t come back from that, keiki. What the government does, the law, we do not choose—unless we know it is the only choice.” 

“I don’t want to kill anybody,” Ashley protested.

“You think by telling the police who is on this list, you are doing anything else? It will happen as surely as you have pulled the trigger yourself.” 

She nodded slowly, feeling herself relax as she surrendered to that truth. “I understand, Vovó.” 

Vovó smiled. “That’s my good girl.”

Ashley pressed redial and put the phone to her ear. “Danny…”

_ “What’s the word, Ash?” _

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.” She said the words, knowing he might not like it, but at least in this moment, she could be honest with him. “You’re going to have to do this without me.” 

_ “It’s not me who’s doing this.” _ Danny sounded grim.  _ “It’s Steve. Somebody’s setting him up, and now he wants to break into the Governor’s house.” _

“He’s following his own code,” she said softly. “Because sometimes the rules are wrong.” 

She heard him sigh.  _ “Yeah. Tell that to the people who are supposed to be reinforcing the rules—oh, wait, that’s me. I’ll talk to you later.” _

Vovó gave her a sympathetic look as she tucked her phone into her pocket. “Your Danny will understand in time.” 

She bent down to give Vovó a hug. “Yeah. I think he already does.”

Ashley hesitated before texting Auntie Lottie after she returned to the bar, but she decided it was just too important not to say something. 

_ You might want to have extra eyes on the governor this week.  _

_ Why? _ Lottie replied.  _ What have you heard? _

_ Nothing confirmed, just rumors. I thought you might want to alert the lieutenant governor through your channels.  _

_ You know he can’t take action any more than we can.  _

Ashley sighed.  _ He might not have to? Better to be prepared.  _

Even if Governor Jameson really was under control of the Order, Ashley couldn’t really wish for her death--there was nothing honorable in that--but she couldn’t deny it would be beneficial for all of them if Denning ended up in charge. He wasn’t kama’aina in the strictest sense, but he was connected to the family all the same. It wouldn’t hurt to hope for a little good fortune for all of them. 

* * *

Ashley got a text from Danny around dinnertime. Her father’s  _ hale _ had just departed following their monthly dinner meeting, and she hadn’t finished cleaning up.  _ Are you home? _

_ Yeah? _

_ I’m outside. _

She went to unlock the door, wondering what the emergency was this time, but she’d long since given up trying to guess. At least he was smiling when she let him in.

“I’m sorry to bug you so late. Something happened. Something good.” He clasped his hands together, the color high in his face. “Rachel’s changed her mind about Stan. About Hawaii, about everything. She wants to try again.”

She stared at him. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? As in going back to New Jersey?”

“Apparently so. You know that more than anything, I want my family together. I can have that again.” 

“Except now part of your family is  _ here,” _ she protested. “You’ve already gone through this. How can you even think about leaving again?”

She watched the excitement on his face fade, to be replaced with exasperation. “Ashley, I’ve only been here a year. How can I compare a year of my life here with a decade and change in Jersey?” 

“Yeah,” she snapped. “You tell me how you can.  _ I’ve  _ known you a year, and I can tell you you’re different, and it’s all about what’s going on with Steve.” 

“Nothing is going on with Steve!” Danny shouted back, flinging his hands in the air. “That is the point. There’s nothing I can do to get him to—I mean, Jesus, Ash, don’t you think I should stop trying to get everything I want and just make a  _ choice? _ I can’t do this one-foot-in, one-foot-back thing. I have to move on with my life!” 

“Why are you trying to talk yourself into this? What happened to the conversation we had earlier this week? What happened to  _ partners communicate?” _ She tried to meet his gaze, but he wasn’t letting her. “Don’t you think you should give him a chance to weigh in before you move back to the mainland for good?” 

“No. No, I should not. Because Rachel is  _ pregnant. _ And she wants to go back to Jersey with me. To us.” He gripped her hand, his face alight with wild hope. “Ashley, she said  _ the four of us.” _

“Danny.” She smiled, and he laughed, and then he pulled her into a hug. She closed her eyes. “That’s—wonderful.”

“I feel like I’ve been given another chance. And this time, I’m going to do it right. No more messing around." He sounded so determined. “I can be a good partner, a good father. I’m ready now.” 

It was reasonable that she’d let herself cry now, even if it wasn’t because she was happy, but she didn’t. She gripped his shoulders. “Another baby. That’s fantastic.”

“I know.” His eyes shone with excitement. “It feels like everything’s coming together. Like you said, Ash. Like destiny.” 

_ That’s not what I meant, _ she wanted to shout, but it didn’t feel fair to take away his moment of certainty, however misplaced it might be. “I imagine that’s hard to resist.” 

“It feels so easy. Like I don’t have to think if it’s the right choice.” He hugged her once more. “I just wanted to let you know. We’re getting on a plane tomorrow night, the three of us. I already sent Rachel and Grace to the airport.”

“Tomorrow?” She took a step back. “That’s… that’s really sudden.” 

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to wait any longer. I already talked to Dave; he’s going to meet us at the airport. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” He gave her a smile. “You’re the best, Ash. I can’t even tell you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for us.”

Her mind was racing. Should she give him the letter? But something made her say, “Listen to you, being a speech-maker. Just take care of each other. And come visit, okay?”

“I will.” He waved, still smiling. “Aloha.”

* * *

_ One foot in and one foot back  
But it don't pay to live like that  
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks  
For never to return _

_ \- [The Avett Brothers, “I And Love And You](https://youtu.be/T0eSpAgqrWo)”  _

* * *

It could have ended that way, in a tidy conclusion, but it didn’t. The next evening, Danny called her, frantic. 

_ “Steve’s on the run, Ash. Literally, from the police. They came to get him at headquarters, and he took off. They just took Kono in on some stupid theft charge. I’ve tried to call Steve a million times but he’s not picking up. And Rachel—” _ He groaned. 

“What?”

_ “She just called me and said, ‘I’m here,’ and I had no idea what she was talking about. She’s at the airport, which is where I should be right now, and—and I didn’t even remember I asked her to go there.” _ He was breathing hard.  _ “Ash, I don’t think I’m really better.” _

“I don’t think that’s what this is, Danny.”

_ “What do you mean?” _

“This isn’t an effect of the sarin. It’s because all you can think about right now is Steve. That’s the way it’s always been between the two of you.”

He was crying now.  _ “I went over to his house last night. I was going to tell him I was leaving, and—and he showed me this evidence, his dad’s case, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.”  _

“I know. What can I do?”

_ “Nothing. I can’t do anything either. He’s not even a cop anymore. They took his badge. He’s on his own.” _

She sat up.  _ Oh. _ “What would you guess he’s doing now?”

_ “What would I guess? He’s going to kill the governor. He got a weapon, and he’s going there now”  _

“We can talk about this later. I’m going to be dealing with a task. Call me if you need anything.”

It was close enough to the truth that she didn’t feel bad about saying it. It wouldn’t matter to Danny that it was her father’s task, not hers. 

The first thing she did was to call her father. It was something she almost never did, but he seldom paid attention to her texts, and she didn’t have time to figure out who else in his  _ hale _ might listen to her. 

_ “What do you need?” _ he said to her.

“Someone is planning to assassinate the governor.”

He was silent for only a moment. Her father was nothing if not quick to process.  _ “When?”  _

“Today. The source is reliable.”

_ “Your source is your policeman?” _

There was no way she could lie to him. “Yes, sir.”

_ “Then it is not reliable.” _

“Father, the police aren’t the ones targeting her. It’s—”

_ “Enough.” _ His tone was reproving. She felt it like a slap.  _ “It’s time you stopped with this charade of a friendship.” _

“No!” she cried. “It has nothing to do with that. The governor is Wo Fat’s pawn in the Order. He won’t let her be killed without cause.”

There was a pause.  _ “You have no reason to think he would do it himself.” _

“Yes, I do. Steve—the man who is going to kill her—is Shelburne’s son.” 

_ “How do you know that?” _ He actually sounded surprised.

“Things Mokoto told me, things Steve told me. Things Shelburne herself told me. I put it together. Wo Fat is hunting him, but he’s not going to kill him.”

_ “Certainly not if he is Shelburne’s son.”  _ He was back to his usual unflappable self, but Ashley thought he had been shaken.  _ “I will alert the eyes on Wo Fat.” _

“Thank you, sir.” 

_ “This man, Steve. He is not police?” _

“Not anymore.” That was perhaps only technically true, but it was enough to give her leeway not to have to explain further. 

_ “And how do you know him, exactly?” _

She bit her lip. “He is Danny’s ‘uhane hoa.” 

Her father was silent. Her father had said  _ exactly,  _ and that was as exactly as she could describe Steve. Even if neither Danny nor Steve had no concept of what a soulmate was or what it meant, her father did. 

_ “They are not wailua poni. They are malihini, and yet you know they are bonded.” _

“No, sir. Yes, sir.” That was obvious. Her family’s understanding of that term might be specific, but the concept of a soulmate was not exclusive to their community. It was even more significant that her father had not said  _ they are two men?  _ But she wasn’t going to give him any openings to tell her what he thought about  _ that. _

_ “Wo Fat must not find out. He cannot be allowed to use your Danny as leverage against Shelburne’s son.”  _

He sounded like he was talking to himself, not to her, so she remained silent. Not to mention this was a far cry from “stop this charade of a friendship.” 

_ “I will call you if we discover anything.”  _

“Thank you, sir.” 

Her father did call later that night with an update, even before Danny himself arrived on her doorstep, that Steve was in custody and the governor was dead. Danny was, however, the one to inform her that Wo Fat was the person who had killed the governor, not Steve himself. It was a great relief to hear that; as much as she knew Steve had killed people before, in this case it would have clearly been murder, and it would have been hard to forgive. 

“Chin Ho took him to the station,” Danny told her, once she brought him inside and got him to sit down on the couch. “He booked him and took him in, dressed in an HPD uniform. Steve was trying to tell me it was Wo Fat that killed her, and I said to Chin Ho,  _ what are you doing, we’re 5-0, _ and he—” Danny choked. “He said,  _ there is no 5-0 anymore. _ And all I could think about was when Rachel left us, left me and Jenny and Dave. Because it felt just like that.”

“A betrayal,” she said.

He bowed his head, his eyes squeezed shut.

“I thought, what right does he have to destroy something that belongs to  _ all _ of us?” His head swiveled in recrimination, back and forth. “And then I realized that was exactly what I was doing to Steve. Leaving the team—no, leaving  _ him _ . That would have been a betrayal, too. Worse, because I swore I would be there for him. It was my promise, my—what do you call it, my task?”

She let out a shaky breath. “It is kind of like that. But maybe not for the reasons you think. People do have the right to walk away from a promise, Danny, even an important one, but—”

“But some promises are different. I don’t know what kind of words to use.” His eyes seared into her. “This, it’s  _ different.” _

“I know,” she said softly. “I really do.” 

She could attempt to explain to him the difference, even if she couldn’t explain why or how it had happened. Her Vovó would say  _ destiny, _ and maybe it was. Or maybe it was simply chemical, another layer of attraction. It didn’t matter. She could see it, and now Danny could, too. 

She sighed, watching the misery transform his face.

“What are you going to tell Rachel?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’ll let her know what happened, that Steve’s in prison, and—and that I have to be here for him.” He gestured uselessly. “It’s as simple as that.”

_ As simple as that, _ she marveled. She put a hand on his shoulder, and let him cry a little while.

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “I know this isn’t what you would have chosen.”

“Not for any of us,” he agreed. “And now I’ve screwed it up for Rachel, and—”

“Rachel gets to make her own choices, Danny. You’re not responsible for her anymore. She’s the one who left, remember?” She waited until he gave her a reluctant nod. “She’s also the one who chose to leave Stan. She’ll figure it out. Your obligation is elsewhere, even if you don’t want it to be.”

“My obligation.” The truth loomed large in Danny’s eyes. He sat back on his stool, looking stunned. “God. I have no idea what to do next.” 

“You’re going to help Steve get out of prison. You’re going to prove he didn’t kill Governor Jameson, and you’re going to put the 5-0 task force back together.”

He looked at her, startled into a laugh. “Oh, is that all? And here I thought it was going to be  _ hard.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter take place during and following episode 1x24 Oia'i'o. In the scene mentioned, [in which Rachel tells Danny she is pregnant](https://youtu.be/Tr7TZUjPV74?t=130), she really does say “the four of us.”


	26. Important

Over the next week, Ashley talked to Rachel and Dave more often than she did to Danny. She made sure not to reveal any more about Danny’s thoughts or plans than he’d already told them himself. It seemed to help them to have someone to talk to who wasn’t involved, but who knew the complicated details. 

_“You’re better than a therapist,”_ Rachel joked, _“because you don’t give me homework. And you have a sense of humor.”_

Ashley laughed. “Sounds like you might need a better therapist.”

It was interesting to hear Rachel talk about her pregnancy with such dread and futility. When Ashley noted that she’d get a kid out of it at the end, she said, _“Well, yes, that’s true,”_ as though it was a secondary feature of being pregnant and not the primary objective. 

_“Rachel had a miserable pregnancy with Grace,”_ Dave informed her. _“I wish I could take on the burden for her. This one seems to be going okay so far, at least.”_

“Has there been any talk of what it would look like if they stayed there with you?” 

It wasn’t a crazy question, considering how happy Rachel seemed to be to be with Dave at the moment, but Rachel was adamant that Grace should finish off the school year in Hawaii. 

_“I told Stan I brought Grace back to New Jersey to visit,”_ Rachel finally told her. _“He doesn’t even know I’m pregnant yet. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for all of us. Honestly, these days I’m feeling relieved that Danny made the decision to stay there to handle Steve’s case, because it makes coming back to Hawaii much easier, even if—if it’s not what I choose in the end.”_

Danny mostly stuck to sending Ashley occasional texts, filling in the gaps in the reports she got from father and his _hale_ about the case. There was often no context. 

_Steve thinks I look good without a tie,_ he told her one afternoon.

 _No doubt,_ she replied. 

_No, I mean, today._

_You’re in the same room with Steve!?_

_I visited him in prison this afternoon. Behind the plexiglass. I have seriously never seen him leer at me before. It was a little weird._

She had to grin. _Give him a break; he’s in prison. I thought you said he doesn’t like visitors._

_I was just the courier. His former commander, Joe White, came into town. Said he would help with the case._

The phone rang while she was typing her reply. It was her father.

 _“Steve McGarrett was transported from Halawa to the hospital fifteen minutes ago,”_ he said, without preamble. 

Since their conversation a week ago, her father had discovered a lot more about Steve, including his former job title. Luckily the repercussions Ashley had suffered for sticking to the literal truth had been minimal. It seemed Steve’s identity was now deemed more important than the fact that he once worked for the police. 

“What happened to him?”

_“Uncertain, but we were able to arrange at the last minute for Tua to drive the ambulance, and for the back door to be unsecured. Steve McGarrett escaped and has thus far avoided surveillance cameras.”_

She thanked him for the update, then erased what she was texting to Danny and replaced it with _Steve got away?_

 _Hold on,_ he replied.

That was all she heard from him that night--until the following evening, when he showed up at the bar. 

Danny didn’t even say hello when he walked in. He just stalked straight to his usual stool, staring straight ahead, his mouth in a thin line. 

“No beer,” he said. “Get me a glass of whiskey.” 

She nodded in surprise, turning to the display on the mirrored wall, and selected a mid-price brand without asking him. Danny clearly wasn’t in a mood to be answering questions. She poured a double shot and tipped it into a glass, sliding it across the bar toward him. He picked it up and downed it.

“Another.”

“That was a double already.”

“I do have eyes.” He beckoned with his fingers. “Another.”

At least he didn’t have a job to worry about. With some reticence, she poured it, but she held it back when he reached for it. “You’ll let me get Jack to walk you home?”

“Will you just give me the damn whiskey?”

It didn’t take too long for the doubles to loosen his tongue. 

“Yesterday afternoon, after Steve escaped the ambulance, I got a call from the medical examiner to come to his house. I walked in the door, and—and Steve was standing there. With his fucking shirt open, and a bandage over a seeping gut wound.” He giggled, rolling the glass over his forehead. “And what did I do? I started yelling at him.” 

Ashley sighed. “Of course you did.” 

“I could barely be in the same room with him and all those other people. Then his commander calls my phone and provides an address. I tried to talk him out of going there, but he’s all _I’ve never listened to you before, why would I listen now.”_ He blew a raspberry between his lips. “At least he let me drive for once. Looks like I finally found the solution to that: a seeping gut wound. I’m keeping that one in my back pocket.”

“Tell me you had a reasonable conversation in the car?” 

“I don’t even know what _reasonable_ would look like at this point. What would I say? Mostly I yelled at him for sitting up in the back seat, and told him not to give me that look.”

“What look?”

“He gets a face. Like—” He squirmed. “I can’t deal with it. It makes me want to—”

“To slap him?” she suggested, in the absence of more words.

“No,” he groaned. “To fucking roll over at his feet. I don’t have a defense mechanism when he looks at me like that.” He glared at her. “At least I managed not to drive him off the road on the way to Mokoto’s.” 

Ashley jerked back. “To—where?”

“If you ask me, the kind of _personal atonement_ that involves making friends with a former enemy is a little beyond me.” He seemed oblivious to Ashley’s reaction to Mokoto’s name. “Apparently he and Steve’s father became buddies. He’s a real mover and shaker on the island.” 

She exhaled slowly. “I’ve heard of him before.” 

“Yeah, to tell you the truth, I’m surprised we hadn’t? He’s been backing all kinds of efforts to clean up corruption, and…” He trailed off, his brain finally catching up with his mouth, and peered at her. “Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Huh.” He nodded. _“That_ kind of personal atonement? Interesting.” 

“Whatever you’re thinking, you’re probably wrong,” she said quickly. “But he has been working with us very closely. His money’s financed almost everything we’ve done on Oahu, for many years.”

“So he’s a good guy. That’s a relief.” 

“Forgive me, Danny, but… this all sounds pretty positive so far?”

“It gets better. Would you believe there’s been a camera trained on the governor’s desk since before Steve’s dad was killed?” 

She leaned forward in excitement. “As in footage that could clear Steve?”

“As in footage that did. The lieutenant governor pardoned him. 5-0’s been reinstated, with some ‘additional provisions for supervision.’” Danny made the air quotes. “I can’t believe I was able to pronounce that just now.” 

“That’s wonderful.” She touched his hand, trying not to be impatient. “So what…?”

“Well, Steve came to my house tonight. We talked.”

“Talked, like…” She waited, but Danny said nothing. “What did he tell you?”

“He told me about a conversation he had with his former commander. Joe asked Steve how he was doing, and…” He sighed. “And Steve didn’t know how to answer. Because I told him Rachel’s coming back to Hawaii, to be with Stan.”

She nodded, wondering if she should pretend to look surprised, but he was already continuing with the story.

“Which means I’m staying in Hawaii, and he said… he said he was, and I quote, _relieved.”_

“I bet he was.” 

“And then he said he thought that was a crappy thing to think.” He stared harder at the remaining whiskey in his glass. “And I told him it wasn’t, because I still got to be with Grace, and stay with the 5-0.” 

Ashley leaned in closer, watching Danny’s face. “Then what happened?”

“He, uh.” Danny laughed, followed by a sigh. “He told me he was glad. And that was it.” 

“That was _it?”_

“That was it. That wasn’t it.” Danny’s eyes squeezed shut. “It’s that I’m a fucking coward, and—wow, I can tell how drunk I am already, because I’m using foul language in front of you.” His eyes fell on the bar and remained there. “Because that wasn’t everything I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him—I wanted him to know the other reason I stayed.” 

“But you didn’t tell him.”

“No. Hell, no. It took me long enough to come to terms with it, Ash. I still don’t know that I have. How am I supposed to explain it to him?” 

She hesitated only a moment. It was time. “What if you could listen to his side first?”

He swung his gaze around to meet hers. It was really quite a lot more steady than was indicated by his language. “How exactly would I do that?”

“He wrote you a letter. When you were in the hospital, the second time.” She watched his eyes widen by fractions as she spoke. “He asked me to hang on to it, in case… if something terrible happened. Or if I thought you were going to do something, and I quote, ‘monumentally stupid.’”

“Me?” That was almost a smile. “I would never do anything like that.” 

“You mean like move to New Jersey? Definitely not.” 

He turned sad eyes on the bar. “No, I don’t think I get to have that.” 

She raised both eyebrows. “You still think it would have been better if you had?”

He didn’t reply, but watched very closely as she reached for her notebook and took out the envelope containing Steve’s letter.

“I’m not saying you have to read it,” she said, but he snorted, and she rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying, maybe knowing he wrote it at all would be enough to get you to talk to him.” 

“You are aware what a success that’s been so far, right?” He looked at the letter like it might turn out to be a jellyfish. “And… you haven’t read it.”

“No.”

“So you don’t know what it says. It might say _fuck you, Danno, you’re an entitled prick if you think I have any obligation to you.”_

“It might,” she acknowledged. He stared at her. “Do I have reason to think he would write you a letter like that? No. But I have no way of knowing.”

“You would if you read the letter first.” 

“If you make me read the letter first, I’m just going to make it up, and I’ll tell you right now it would sound something like, _fuck you, Danno, you’re an entitled prick if you think—”_

“Fine!” He threw up his hands. “Fine. I won’t read it. Forget it. I’m doomed to wonder forever.” 

She shook her head. “Wow, you really are a prick.” 

“Maybe.” He drained the rest of what was in his glass. “And you wonder why I don’t drink whiskey.”

“All right. Fine.” She tossed the letter onto the shelf below the bar. “You’re going to have to figure out another option, then.” With one hand, she dug into the back of the drawer and drew out a battered green plastic lighter. “Because this one’s no longer available to you.”

Danny’s eyes jerked open as she flicked the lighter. A small flame appeared at the tip. “What are you doing?”

“If you’re not going to read it, no need to hang onto it, right?” She grabbed the letter with her other hand as Danny lunged across the bar, and managed to keep it out of his grasp. “I’ll just dispose of--.”

“Wait!” He held out both hands. “Don’t.” 

“Steve said he trusted me to know what to do with it, and I promised him I would.” She glared at him. “The man I see before me isn’t ready to hear what it says. You know why?”

“Yeah.” Danny gazed back at her, his breath coming fast from more than just effort. “I know why. You’ve been telling me all year long. I know relationships take effort, and honesty, and sacrifice. They don’t stick around forever, and even when they’re here, they’re never a sure thing. Maybe this one is… different, but that doesn’t mean it’s a free pass. And if I’d shut my goddamn mouth for a change and listened to you, maybe I wouldn’t have taken this long to get here, right now.” 

“Jeez, Danny.” She shook her head, dropping the lighter on the bar. “You’re telling me all it took to get you to admit that was two doubles of whiskey?”

“That, and a year of being an idiot.” His expression was pleading. “Don’t tell me it doesn’t count unless I do it sober.” 

“If you’re saying you need to be tricked into doing it…” 

“No.” He placed both hands on the bar, exhaling. “No tricks.” He dug into his pocket and set his phone beside his empty glass. “Just a witness. Let’s see if he even picks up.”

Even after all of that effort trying to convince him to take action, she was startled. “Danny, wait—”

 _“Ashley?”_ they heard from the tiny speaker.

“Steve,” said Danny. “I’m here at Ashley’s. I need you to listen, and not interrupt. For kind of a long time. You think you can do that?”

 _“Okay?”_ he said slowly. _“What’s this about?”_

“It turns out it’s about a lot of things. I guess right now it’s about… a letter. You wrote me a letter. Which I haven’t read.” He was already starting to pace. “Maybe I should have. Of course I should have, but I didn’t, so… it’s too late to start over now.” 

_“Danny—”_

“You know, for a rule-follower, you’re not doing so good at following through on your agreements.” 

_“So well.”_

“What?”

_“Not doing so well. You said—”_

Danny sent a silent, outraged look across the room at Ashley, who was pressing her lips together and shaking her head _no._ He took a long breath.

 _“Sorry,”_ Steve said. _“Go ahead.”_

“Okay.” He put his head into his hand. “All right. So—I had this life, in New Jersey, right? I think I would have said it was pretty good. I mean, I know I did. But when you’re in the middle of things, sometimes it’s hard to see them clearly. I could see what I had, but not what I was missing. I didn’t know how I was being with the people around me because it had never been any other way.” 

There was silence from the other line. When Danny didn’t continue, Steve said, _“Uh, should I—?”_

“What?” Danny snapped. 

_“I mean, there’s that whole active listening thing. Do you want me to say uh-huh, yeah, that sort of thing, so you know I’m paying attention, or should I just—”_

“Okay, first of all, that is _not_ active listening.” Danny gritted his teeth at Ashley, who made a _stop_ gesture and then indicated he should _gently_ continue. “Just—put the phone on mute. You know how to do that?”

 _“Yes, I know how to do that.”_ Steve sounded indignant. 

“Good. Fine. Now, if you decide to pitch it into the ocean or throw it against a wall, I’ll never know.” He ran both hands through his hair. “I should have just written my own goddamn letter. What I’m saying is, before, in Jersey, things were one way, I had people, then I came here, and I had—nobody. Which meant I had no choice but to notice the things I wanted, and nobody to blame it on that I wasn’t getting them.” He glanced at Ashley. “Which is not to say I didn’t try. In a lot of ways it was easier to just say, _well, that’s impossible, I can’t have that._ ” 

The phone stayed silent. Maybe Danny appreciated the ability to talk without worrying about whether or not Steve was actually paying attention, or maybe he didn’t notice. 

“So then I went looking. At first I went looking for things like I had before, things that were familiar, but, uh, as was pointed out to me, those things hadn’t actually been what I wanted. Then I went looking for a distraction from the things I didn’t have, but…” He chuckled. “Turns out the distraction was exactly the opposite of the thing I wanted. Which was even more depressing. But okay, I was narrowing it down.

“And then you showed up in your dad’s garage.” 

He stopped where he was in his pacing, staring at the wall in front of him, but clearly not seeing the wall itself. 

“What I _had_ was New Jersey,” he said. “Safe. Familiar. What I _got_ was Hawaii, which was… not what I expected. It’s supposed to be sunny here, but do you know how much rain there is? 159 days. A year. Newark, I’ll have you know, tops out at 116.” He continued pacing, using his hands to illustrate, as he did, even though nobody was watching but her. “The clothes here are so weird. Nobody wears shirts or ties, or shoes. Turn on the radio, you’ll hear the same eight songs, no matter what station you pick. Don’t get me started on the cost of groceries. $6 for a pack of hamburger buns? Seven bucks for milk?” He stopped and gestured at her incredulously. “Do you know they even have a name for the black haze that falls over the island when the volcanic smog gets bad? They call it vog. _Vog._ Sounds like an evil overlord.” He sighed. “And then there’s, you know, the enslavement of an established culture. Oh, but Clinton signed the Apology Resolution in ’93, so everything’s fine, right? Hey, sorry, everybody, didn’t mean to overthrow your kingdom. Jellyfish. Wastewater bacteria. Goddamn _centipedes.”_ He snorted. “Talk about things I never would have asked for.” 

Now whatever wasn’t there that he was looking at was making him smile. Ashley refused to draw attention to herself, but she had to smile, too. 

“Everything was unexpected. _Everything._ But, you know, that probably helped, because one of the things it turned out I was looking for was a challenge. Not the kind I could pick up and look at and say, _oh, yeah, I’ve already got this figured out,_ but the kind I had _no idea_ how to tackle. The kind that is constantly surprising me. The kind that pisses me off. 

“The things I had were things I knew how to handle. Things I could control. Safe and familiar, right?” He nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah. And totally not satisfying. I don’t think I even knew what that meant. I think I thought it was supposed to feel like another version of safe and familiar. Not like—like jumping out of a plane. Not like swimming in the ocean. I didn’t know satisfying was going to be so fucking terrifying.” 

The silence persisted. Ashley saw the call was still connected, at least, the minutes slowly accruing on the screen. Danny wasn’t even addressing his words to her anymore. This was definitely for Steve. 

“Because part of that was the feeling I had when I realized what I wasn’t getting. It was disappointing, yeah, but also—I could get a glimpse of it, a taste. Enough to make it really clear how far away from _satisfied_ I really was.” He leaned on the bar, like it was holding him up. “And what it might actually be like to be… satisfied.” 

He closed his eyes.

“And then what did you do? You introduced a whole additional layer. The one that said, _oh, you know those things you have, did you realize you could have those and also these other things._ Coffee _and_ donuts. Soup _and_ sausages. Not that I was unfamiliar with this idea, obviously, but… somehow I missed the connection between _getting what I want_ and _keeping what I have._ And that was…” 

Whatever it was, Danny didn’t say, but Ashley could see the expression on his face. It wasn’t bad, that was for sure. 

“Maybe I thought for a while there that I could do that without being here. Without Hawaii and all its surprises. I don’t think that anymore. And—okay, yeah, that does introduce a… a long commute.” His smile spread across his face. “I think about that comment a lot.” 

He wasn’t pacing now. He didn’t look drunk or confused or impaired in any way. After a moment, he took a seat on the stool next to his phone.

“Maybe things would be different if Rachel and Grace decided to go back to New Jersey. I don’t know. There’s a lot to consider. There’s the practical, and there’s what’s possible, and… there’s the ideal.” He paused, then added, “And, maybe, there’s the _essential._ I didn’t consider that until recently. If that’s really a thing, I think it would come first.” His lips twisted. “If you’re still listening, just to be really goddamn clear, that would be you.” 

There was no response from Steve. Eventually, Danny sighed and held out his hand.

“Okay,” he said quietly, “now, can I have that letter?”

She handed it to him. He gazed at the front for a while. Then he used his fingers to carefully tear open the flap on the back, removing the letter and unfolding it. It was one page, about three-quarters covered in tidy lines of print. He cleared his throat. 

“Danny,” he said, and paused, pressing his lips together.

Ashley went over to the sitting room and got the box of tissues from the table. She brought it back and placed it on the bar in front of Danny. He took one, wiping his eyes. 

“Danny,” he started again, “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, but every time I try to type it out and make sense of it, I end up giving up. So I’m going to try the unplanned approach and write it all at once, and then I’m going to make myself hand it over. There’s no strategy here, so just bear with me.”

Danny’s tone reading the letter was businesslike, straightforward. It wasn’t hard to imagine Steve saying the words, although Ashley guessed he wouldn’t have struggled. Steve always sounded sincere. 

“I’ve spent my whole adult life focused on one thing: proving to my dad that I’m worth something.” Danny’s brow furrowed in indignation, but he went on. “Now he’s gone and and I think… I’ve been feeling lost about who to prove anything to anymore. I decided solving my father’s mystery was going to make up for it, even though he’s not alive to appreciate me doing it. I’m trying to figure out my new priorities, and it’s like there’s nothing important left.”

Danny shook his head. He looked like he was about to make a rebuttal, but then he caught Ashley’s frown.

“I’m not going to let that go, Steve,” he said, “but I guess this is my time to listen now.”

Clearly this was going to be a challenge for him. She wondered if she was going to need to start throwing things at him to keep him on track. 

“I thought what I made of my life was important,” Danny continued reading, “but now I find myself wondering. In so many ways I haven’t done a damn thing. Maybe serving my country, and now the Governor and the people of Hawaii, was just an excuse for not really taking responsibility, for avoiding having anybody personally to let down.”

He looked sobered by this idea. The next passage came out slowly, like he was still thinking about what he’d read.

“I was taught to be humble, for all my successes to be about the role I play, not about me. But the truth is, I was convinced if I tried to take credit for any of it, people would tell me how full of shit I am. That in the end, I’d discover I was nothing special. I’m tall and fast and I can lift heavy things, but what the hell does that mean when it comes to things that matter?

“But then you came along.” 

He paused again in surprise, gazing at the letter. With two fingers, he touched the paper, and a little smile appeared on his face.

“You gave me hell from day one,” he read in wonder. “You tell me I’m full of shit every day. You argue with me and tell me when I’m wrong and joke with me and keep me on track. I know you respect me but you never put me on a pedestal. You don’t blame me for my past or expect me to be anybody but who I am.” He mopped his eyes with his tissue. “You call it like it is: we’re partners, we’re ohana. I’m better with you, no question.”

Ashley’s phone buzzed. Turning away, she took it out of her pocket and read the message. It was from Steve.

_Please let me in._

“It’s become a joke about us,” Danny read on, “how we are together, how people see us. _How long have you two been married._ How many times have we heard that? I think it’s crazy that people give us grief for being the thing I’ve never wanted. Only now—” He made a strangled noise. “Jesus.”

Ashley walked to the door. Through the window, she could see Steve waiting, holding his phone. His entire body was alight with energy.

Danny wasn’t paying attention to her. He continued reading. “Only now, I look at you, how it is for you and your family, and I think, maybe the kind of marriage I never wanted was the kind other people had.” He stared at the paper before going on, more slowly. “For once, it doesn’t feel like that. For once, it feels _important.”_

Ashley unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door. Danny looked up in confusion to see Steve standing in the doorway, staring at him and cupping the phone in his hand.

“What—?” Danny said.

“Go on,” Steve urged. “Finish it.” 

To his credit, Danny gave it a try. He looked at the letter and read, “And how selfish is that, wanting in on something that isn’t even mine? Watching you together with them, I never…” 

His voice faded to nothing. He let the letter rest on the bar beside his phone. Steve pressed a button, and there was a beep on Danny’s phone as the call ended. 

“I never felt so jealous,” Steve said. 

He circled around to stand next to Danny, who was still watching him with wide eyes, like he might turn out to just be another manifestation of the letter.

“When I wrote that, I thought you’d made a different choice,” Steve went on. “I thought I was going to get to watch you choose something else, something that definitely didn’t involve me or Hawaii, and I—” He didn’t look away, but he clearly wanted to. “I didn’t want to admit how angry I was about that. How I couldn’t let it go. I’ve never felt like that before.” 

Ashley quietly closed the door behind Steve, then headed for the stairs. 

“You were here for the beginning,” Steve called after her. When she turned back to him, they were both looking at her. “I think you should stay for the rest.”

“This isn’t about me,” she said.

“No, but I get the feeling a lot of it is because of you.” 

She took a seat on the bottom step, gesturing at them. “I’ll be here.” 

When Steve held out his hand to Danny, Danny handed him the letter. It wasn’t clear that was what he’d intended, but Steve took it anyway. He glanced between Danny and the letter several times before continuing to read the words he’d written where Danny had left off.

“Watching you together with them, I never felt so jealous. It’s like I’m sick with it. I finally understand that feeling and I can’t wait to be rid of it, and the only way I know how to get rid of it is for you to come back to Oahu. But that’s the last thing I want you to do, because your family should be together. I know that’s not all of it, but I don’t know how to say the rest.” 

He set the letter down, his eyes on Danny. 

“That last part. That wasn’t true.” 

Danny looked like he was having trouble breathing. “What do you mean?” 

“I did know how to say the rest,” Steve said quietly. “I just didn’t have the guts to write it down.” 

He walked over to stand beside Danny. Then, slowly, he leaned his hands on the bar, trapping Danny between the bar and his body. Danny looked first alarmed to be confined in that space, but there was no other place to go. His hands flailed for a moment before they came to rest on Steve’s chest. He leaned back, staring up at him. _Terrified_ was definitely an accurate description of his expression.

But Steve was calm now, all of his attention focused on Danny’s face. The words he murmured were too soft to be heard across the room, but Danny was clearly riveted on the movement of Steve’s lips as they spoke. When Steve cocked his head to one side, Danny responded equally quietly. Then he slid his hands up to cup Steve’s neck and tugged him down until their lips met. 

Ashley smiled, resuming her ascent up the stairs. They would take it from here. 

* * *

_I haven't finished a thing since I started my life  
I don't feel much like starting now  
Walking down lonely has worked like a charm_   
_I'm the only one I have to let down_

_But watching you makes me think that that is wrong_

_What is important_   
_What's really important_   
_Am I not to know by my name_   
_Will I ever know silence without mental violence_   
_Will the ringing at night go away_

_-[The Avett Brothers, "Incomplete and Insecure"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vldY2bDc3kI) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events in this chapter occur during and following episode 2x01 Ha'i'ole.


	27. Epilogue

Danny and Steve stopped in after work the next day. Steve gave her a grim smile. 

“Victor Hesse turned up dead in his cell last night,” he told her before she could ask. “I’m guessing you know who that is.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Considering he killed your father, and you shot him once already, that sounds like nothing less than a delayed response.”

She also flashed a brief, questioning look at Danny, but he appeared composed, which was unusual all by itself. 

They took a seat at the bar. Ashley brought them each a beer and made a round of the room. She nodded meaningfully to each of her regulars, indicating the door. Within minutes, she and Danny and Steve were alone. 

Steve was clearly bemused by this process, but Danny just sighed and said, “Come on, babe, even _ I _ know the bar’s just a front.” 

“I think if I had to worry about making money at this job, I would enjoy it a lot less.” Ashley pulled up a stool. “It was Wo Fat who killed him, wasn’t it?”

“Him, or one of his henchmen. Seriously, at some point he’s going to run out of those.” 

“Not likely. There are always impressionable young men who are willing to get roped into powerful gangs.” 

“Hey… just to be clear.” Danny looked uneasy. “That’s not… what happened to your boyfriend, is it?”

Ashley raised an eyebrow, then laughed. “Kainoa? Are you talking about his  _ surf _ gang? They’re pretty gentle.” She made a dismissive gesture. “If you look closely at my community, we’re kind of the opposite of a gang. We’re trying to dismantle power structures, not control them.”

“Huh.” Steve looked intrigued. “But who makes the decisions within your community, then? There has to be some hierarchy—”

“Seriously?” Danny swatted Steve’s chest with the back of his hand and peered at him in disgust. “We are making a supportive inquiry, not attending a sociology seminar.” 

“Absolutely. My apologies.” He gave Danny a pointed look. 

Danny only gave a little snort before turning back to Ashley. “So… everything’s okay with the two of you?”

“I didn’t say that.” She sighed. “If you must know, his father decided he should be dating someone less potentially divisive.” 

“His father, huh?” Danny frowned. “Not sure what business it is of his.” 

“It’s kind of a feature of our community: the men are in charge. Particularly the fathers. You can think it’s terrible, but…” She shrugged. “Most cultures are like that to people on the outside.” 

He did not look pleased. “And there’s nothing you can do about it?” 

“Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good. So far, I’m able to walk that line with my father, but it’s not easy.” 

“Well, what would happen if you told him to go to hell?”

“I could,” she said, leaning on the bar, “but I’d probably be asked to do it formally.”

“Like your mother did?” Steve asked. 

“Like that, yeah.”

Danny looked baffled. “How do you tell somebody to go to hell,  _ formally?” _

She gazed at him. “You decide it’s important enough, that you believe in something else strongly enough, that you’re willing to give up the connections to everyone and everything in your community to do it. There’s a big ceremony. Then you leave, and you don’t come back.”

“Oh.”

“Really, it could be for anything that breaks with tradition, but in actuality, people don’t leave because they  _ don’t  _ believe in the community, it’s because they do. This kind of sacrifice, it’s not easy, but—”

“It’s important,” Steve murmured. He was looking at her, but she was pretty sure he wasn’t seeing her. She watched the knuckles of his hand brush against Danny’s arm in a very non-accidental way. Danny colored, but he didn’t pull away. “I get it. When SEALs are sent on mission, it’s a little like that.”

“Yeah, except you come back alive,” Danny said.

Steve looked at him soberly. “Sort of.”

Danny’s brow drew down like he wanted to continue to argue, but instead he turned to Ashley.  _ “Divisive _ doesn’t sound very complimentary. He thinks you’re a troublemaker?” 

“I pretty much am,” she agreed. “Look, don’t worry about it. Kainoa was lovely, but it’s not keeping me up nights. It’s not like…” She made a grand gesture with both hands, encompassing both of them together.

Steve glanced at Danny before giving her a blank look. “Like what?”

“Well, the two of you. What would you say you are?”

“Look,” Danny said, sounding annoyed. Steve just smiled. 

“Well, we’re partners. Best friends. Ohana.” 

“And?”

“And anything beyond that is nobody else’s business.”

“Mmm.” She nodded. “That’s probably the least disruptive way to handle it. I generally prefer to hide in plain sight, too.” 

“Well.” Steve took a drink of his beer, ignoring Danny’s increasing discomfort. “The rules say, there’s a line you do not cross. I figured out a long time ago where that line was with everybody I got close to.” He indicated Danny. “This is really no different. Right?”

Danny glared at him as Steve waited for him to respond. “Oh,  _ now _ I get a turn?”

Ashley ignored him and smiled at Steve. “You seem okay with… occasional redistricting.”

Steve chuckled. “I try to take into account all the factors as they become apparent. Lines are there for a reason. But like I told the lieutenant governor, sometimes you have to make split-second decisions, and when that happens, those lines get a little hard to see.”

“What is this, a tactical op? Am I political territory to be divided up?”

Danny paused in his rant as Steve turned to look at him, full in the face. It was a long, thorough look, during which nobody said anything. 

“Not divided,” Steve said at last. “Everybody’s their own sovereign nation, right? You make alliances, but you keep your autonomy.”

Ashley watched the complex shifting emotions pass like shadows across Danny’s face.  _ Not everybody, _ she wanted to say, but decided it was best to reserve her opinion for another time. 

“Well, as you begin to declare your various alliances to others,” Ashley said, “consider this a safe neutral zone.”

Danny raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I don’t know, Ash. You’ve said how much your family likes cops.”

“I think they’re coming around. Even Jack decided you’re okay.” 

“What about your father?” Steve asked.

She gave him a half-shrug. “A work in progress. You know how complicated fathers can be.” 

She knew that answer wouldn’t be sufficient forever. Danny, at least, had seen the photos of her father on the wall upstairs, but he’d long since stopped pushing her to disclose more. Whatever Steve knew, he was keeping to himself.

“What does Rachel think about this?"

Danny tapped the bar. “Yeah, that’s a work in progress, too. At least she and Dave are talking again.” He glanced at Steve with a little smile. “Grace thinks you’re great, Uncle Steve.” 

“Uncle Steve,” he nodded, grinning back. “I love that. I think she’s pretty great, too.” He paused, then added, “And Dave. He’s also pretty great.” 

“Yeah,” Danny agreed. Then his face went blank, and he stared at Steve. “You—“

“We’ve been talking a lot since you went to Brooklyn.” 

Danny looked, not like he was speechless, but like all the words in his head had just ended up in a ten-sentence pileup at the edge of his tongue, and he didn’t know how to get past it. 

“What kind of talking?” he finally managed. 

Steve raised an eyebrow. “The kind where I say something, and he says something back, repeat ad nauseam? Like you and me, except without all the arguing.” 

Ashley didn’t bother to hide her smirk. She watched Danny modulate his breathing and try to figure out where to direct his gaze. 

“I bet Dave could come visit sometime,” she told Danny, when no more words seemed to be emerging from the wreckage. “Sometime when you’re not in the hospital, preferably. Like a real vacation. He does fly free, right?”

“He—he could,” Danny croaked. 

“Great,” said Steve. “I’ll mention that to him.” 

Steve let him marinate in that idea for a little longer before he turned back to the bar, bumping Danny’s shoulder with his own. The nudge seemed to help Danny come back to his senses. He cleared his throat.

“So can I get you something to eat?” Ashley asked. 

“I think we might make it a night in,” Steve told her. “Both of us could use some down time.” 

“Definitely,” She flashed a wicked grin at Danny. “Some  _ rest _ would be good.” 

It was possible Danny’s face was never going to stop being that color anymore. She kind of liked this mute, overwhelmed version of Danny. It was the one who gazed at Steve with eyes that never wanted to look away, and who was no longer bothering to try to hide it.

Steve took out his credit card and offered it to Ashley, but she shook her head.

“Your money’s no good here anymore,” she said. “Truthfully, we don’t need it, and it’s better we keep our income low enough to avoid having to pay business taxes. Just assume you’ve got free drinks for life, or at least as long as I’m running this place.” She grinned. “Or, if you’d rather, we could put you on the payroll.” 

“How about we keep the relationship informal." Danny was grinning. Then his eyes lit up. “Hey, does that mean we get free sausages, too?”

“Let’s not get carried away.” Steve put a hand on Danny’s shoulder and gently steered him toward the door. “We’ll take it one step at a time.” 


	28. Glossary of Words, Terms, and Phrases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mixture of words in Hawaiian words and Pidgin, as well as made-up phrases invented for the D/s resistance community in this story, and names and terms specific to that community in Hawaii and on the mainland. No disrespect to the Hawaiian language or any of the cultures on the islands is intended. 

a hui hou = until we meet again.

brah = short for braddah; a local version of bro.

CC = the abbreviation for the Cassius Committee, also the Roman numerals for 200, which is the number of people who may attain the top level of power within the Cabal.

Cassius Committee = the ruling arm of the Order of Cassius, an international corporate crime syndicate which funds and controls multiple governments. A secret group of kleptocratic oligarchs. Among the resistance they are grimly known as the Cabal, a name many of them have accepted with pride, with the accompanying tongue-in-cheek motto of “Laundering Cash, Whitewashing Reputations.” Exactly 200 members are allowed to reach this level. New people are only accepted in their numbers if one of them has died or had been made dead, and they defend their spots with others’ lives. See CC, Order of Cassius. 

e komo mai = welcome

e mālama pono = take care of yourself

forno = stone oven for baking Portuguese cuisine, especially bread.

from mauka to makai = all the way across Hawaii (mauka means towards the mountains and makai means towards the ocean).

Ghost Lights = political action movement within theater, carnival, and nomadic communities, with a long history of resistance. Recently has shifted much of its attention to infiltrating the Cabal, in association with the Violet Revenant/wailua poni community. References to light are used as a signal, such as in the passphrase: “It’s a long way down the road in the dark.” Response: “You can find your way if you have a light.”

hāʻawi lokomaikaʻi = to give with an open hand. Refers to an unbinding, consensual agreement between D/s practitioners, as opposed to that which leads to a soulmate bond (see ‘uhane hoa). 

ho‘okuleana = to take responsibility, individually and collectively. Refers to the pledge made by the wailua poni not to let the Cabal control the islands.

hapa = half, referring to Hawaiians with mixed ancestry.

haʻawina = a task. Literally an assignment, allotment, burden, or revelation, all of which pertain to the concept of “task” among the wailua poni. Once assigned or chosen, it becomes an almost sacred duty. 

hāʻawi haʻawina = to assign a task. Can also refer to a non-sexual D/s submissive temporarily assigned by a Dominant, similar to a consensual service relationship, or can be more permanent, similar to an arranged marriage. 

haole = a white person, an outsider in Hawaii, literally “no breath” or dead.

hale = larger family unit. Refers to the contained cells of the wailua poni who work together on tasks. 

haupia = a Hawaiian sweet that’s a cross between coconut milk pudding and jelly.

hoʻopailua = something inspiring disgust or causing one to vomit. The derogatory term used by the Cabal to refer to individuals of the wailua poni.

ʻilio wahine = bitch.

kama’aina = locals, often but not always confined to native Hawaiians. Also used colloquially by Ashley and others in her family to refer to others of her community, the wailua poni.

Kapahulu = the neighborhood of Honolulu where Steve lives.

ka pono kahiko = what Ashley would call “the old traditions” of her extended family, referring to their commitment to defend the islands (ho‘okuleana), as well as the male-dominant structure of their community (see also wailua poni). 

Ke lawelawe lā naʻe hoʻi = literally “the job is being done,” The traditional phrase spoken by wailua poni when taking on a task. Also a commitment to serve another in a submissive context, possibly but not necessarily sexually (see ‘uhane hoa).

kīkīpani haʻawina = literally “last task.” Often refers to a personal vendetta or assassination target chosen by a member of the wailua poni who have no other choice. A term of great respect and honor. Following a person’s last task, they become a kino wailua and are forbidden to return to or communicate with people from the community. 

kino wailua = ghost, referring to the state of being disenfranchised from the community once a person has taken on their last task (see kīkīpani haʻawina). 

lawelawe = to serve, to care for. Pertaining to the service industry, but also to consensual service in a D/s context, not necessarily sexual. 

mahalo = thank you.

mahalo nui loa = thank you very much.

makai = ocean (see _from mauka to makai_ ), policeman. 

malasada = Portuguese, hot yeast doughnut meets brioche, but a little eggier; fried to a deep, dark brown; and then rolled in sugar. Danny doesn’t care for yeast doughnuts.

malihini = outsiders, strangers, referring to white residents of Hawaii. Also used colloquially by Ashley and others in her family to refer to Hawaiians not belonging to the wailua poni.

mahalo = respect or gratitude. 

mauka = mountains (see _from mauka to makai_ ).

moʻopuna wahine = granddaughter.

nānā i ke halawai = look to the horizon. An expression of farewell to individuals who depart the community by taking on their last task (see kīkīpani haʻawina). 

nou ka hale = my house is yours, you belong in my community. An expression of sincere and abiding trust. 

ohana = family.

‘okole = ass, asshole.

ola ka pōloli = to have hunger satisfied. Refers to the sexual satisfaction derived by some from the energetic polarity in a D/s relationship, as opposed to the nonsexual ʻoluʻolu like. 

ʻoluʻolu like = mutual satisfaction. Refers to the pleasure or happiness derived from the energetic polarity contained within a D/s or consensual service relationship. Specifically nonsexual, as opposed to ola ka pōloli.

Order of Cassius = a loose organization of white supremacists, Western occultists, and Christian fundamentalists, which runs below the radar of or sometimes with the participation of local law enforcement (see Order of Burton’s Gavel). Their philosophy states, among other things, that “men should hold dominion over their land as their women.” The organization came to power during WWI. Includes levels to membership, as in many lodges and orders, with the ultimate goal to find a place with the elite 200 when there’s an opening (see Cassius Committee, Cabal). The larger base and more willfully ignorant group, derisively known by the upper levels as “aspirers to the crown,” comprised of men who desire petty power over others or who are unethically cruel for their own amusement, along with a large number of sheep who know very little about the CC or dismiss it as a conspiracy theory. 

Order of Burton’s Gavel = the white-collar arm of the Cabal, primarily lawyers and local government who grease the wheels for the Cabal. The members hold no inherent power, but are funded and protected by the power structures of the Cabal. (See Cassius Committee, Order of Cassius.)

pakalolo = a high quality marijuana, weed. 

Pocho = an outdated and somewhat racist term for Portuguese hapa folks in Hawaii.

poi = the primary traditional staple in traditional Hawaiian food, served either fresh or fermented over rice, the consistency of yogurt, made from the underground stem (corm) of taro.

Pokiki = the name of the bar belonging to Ashley’s family. A term for Portuguese hapa folks in Hawaii.

poly = Polynesia, the islands within the triangle formed by Hawaii, New Zealand, and Easter Island.

polyamorous = loving more than one person, often in a romantic or sexual context. Not a word Danny and his family use, but definitely pertains to what they are doing. 

poni = purple, the color of the first glimmer of dawn. Also, to anoint, consecrate, appoint. As a suffix, it means suddenly, without warning, as death. (See wailua poni)

pono = duty, moral excellence. 

Portuguese sausage = a specialty of Hawaii, based on Portuguese linguiça, made from smoke-cured pork seasoned with garlic and paprika. 

tita = a tough, sassy, strong Hawaiian girl or woman.

‘uhane hoa = soulmate, referring to the bond created between lovers or friends when pledging service. Can be meant in a mystical or spiritual context, though dismissed by more logical-minded D/s practitioners. 

ukus = lice. 

Violet Revenants = the English name for the community to which Ashley’s family belongs (see wailua poni). The underground political resistance defending against the Cabal. In addition to families like Ashley’s, it includes BDSM practitioners who believe in the crucial component of consent. Extends to both military and civilian participants who are aware of the CC and their impact on society. 

vovô = grandfather in Portuguese. 

vovó = grandmother in Portuguese.

wailua poni = the Hawaiian name for the community to which Ashley’s family belongs (see Violet Revenants). 


End file.
